The Year of Living Changerously Articles

Call me Mrs. Otto. . . repeatedly

There have been a few times in the last six months or so when I've loaded up the washing machine with clothing and have later walked past the laundry area (it's sort of a closet off of the kitchen) and stepped in some water. This is bad, because I never wear shoes in the house and it makes my sock all soppy. Oh, I guess it's also bad because it would appear that the washing machine has a leak. EXCEPT! Except it doesn't always do it. And it's never a HUGE amount of water. Just every now and then---just often enough to drive a sane person crazy, what with the wondering if THIS TIME, IS IT...

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It followed us home

After 15 hours in the car today (totally uneventful, really, other than the MIND NUMBING BORINGNESS and the fact that I got all loopy on diet coke and started misreading signs all over the place, including INSISTING that there had been a billboard advertising SEXY WAFFLES), I actually cheered with glee when we pulled into the driveway here at home. Then I opened up the car door and said, "ACK! It's COLD!" It's 24 degrees here in Georgia. The water on our pool cover is FROZEN. Nevertheless, I am looking forward to a night in my own giant bed (having a king bed is lovely except that it...

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It’s Christmas, dammit

Today is Christmas. Yes. YES IT IS. Today is our little family Christmas, because tomorrow we get in the car for two days, and assuming that I allow the children to live until we get back up to New England, after that there will be the Big! Family! Christmas! and then Christmas with their dad and OH MY GOD I haven't even started packing and there is so much to do and the laundry isn't even done and I'm sure I'm forgetting something and tonight we are having Christmas here because I need a brief bit of "just us" time before we go. Also, I refuse to schlep even more presents than necessary....

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Everything is JUST SO GREAT!

Otto and I stayed up past midnight last night, and I probably shouldn't tell you what we were doing, but I can tell you that it involved a lot of licking. Oh my GOD; what is WRONG with you??? We were doing our Christmas cards. Sicko. Sheesh. It has generally been my policy to do Christmas cards only on alternate years when Mercury is in retrograde and I'm able to dig the money for the cards out of the sofa cushions, and then I take some pictures of the kids and Photoshop them beyond recognition or transplant a head from one picture onto the body of another or something, and then I send them...

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It really does keep me up at night

Wednesdays and Thursdays are the killer part of my week, possibly because I never work hard enough on Monday and Tuesday, and because it is against my religion to work too hard on Fridays. Yesterday smacked me down hard and today isn't looking much better, so instead of blathering on about nothing I will instead turn over to you the most pressing matter currently on my mind where you might actually be of assistance. (I mean, unless you want to write a couple of articles for me.) (Do you? Want to write a couple of articles for me? Lord, I am tired.) It all started yesterday when we got into a...

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More than pie

I had pumpkin pie for breakfast, as I consider that the inalienable right of anyone who spends two straight days cooking. I'm sorry; don't try to convince me otherwise. The rules are clearly such that the day after Thanksgiving means any red-blooded American must do a few (if not all) of the following things: 1) Sleep late. 2) Eat pie for breakfast. 3) Put away the (third) batch of Thanksgiving dishes that had been drying. 4) Start a pot of soup with the turkey carcass. 5) Announce that even though the fridge is stuffed to bursting with all manner of food, we need to go grocery shopping,...

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The first 6 months of the rest of my life

Dear Otto, Happy halfiversary! I'm sorry I spent most of it on the couch and/or unconscious. I guess the stress of the last week finally triumphed, and the germs just had to have their way with me this weekend. It seems like YOU having your way with me might've been a more fitting way to celebrate this milestone, but the germs will go away and you won't, so there's that. (I have already sent your brothers running for the bleach, to cleanse their eyeballs. Sorry, guys.) This weekend was momentous for two reasons: First, it marked six months since we got married (AND! it goes without SAYING...

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The road to hell is paved with justified purchases

You know what today is, right? No, no... not Halloween. I mean, yes, it IS Halloween, but that's not what I'm talking about. OBVIOUSLY it's Halloween, and I know that mostly because I spent three hours last night finishing Monkey's costume, because I am nothing if not a champion procrastinator. Today is the day our new dining room table and chairs are available for pick-up! Oh, did I not mention that? About the dining room furniture? I totally meant to. I mean, inbetween NOT buying any furniture because THE MONEY, OH GOD THE MONEY and then HOORAY! IT'S ON SALE NOW! and this other big thing...

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To love, honor, and motivate

When Otto and I got married, he was a 36-year-old bachelor. He'd never been married, never lived with a woman. People would elbow me and cast meaningful glances in his direction while joking about how it would take me a while to "train him" (as if he were a puppy who would require frequent newspaper smacks on the nose to learn not to pee in the kitchen), and his friends would shake their heads sadly while telling him "Dude, life as you know it IS OVER." And I had been on my own with the kids for over four years; we had our habits---such as they were---and bringing Otto in was sure to make...

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Things I Might Once Have Said


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