March 5, 2007 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Retail Therapy

With all of the recent events and stressors swirling around in my head, I did the only two things that made clear sense.

First: I informed Chickadee that her ass is MINE this week. Slavery is BACK, baybee. She came home from school and did all of her homework for the week and then scrubbed toilets until it was time to go with Daddy. A good start, says I. My house shall gleam by Friday. And she went willingly, and then (unprompted) came and snuggled up with me tonight with her book about divorce and asked me to read with her for a bit. (She may not know why she did what she did, but she is sorry, and she knows she needs to deal with stuff, and she’s still talking. So let’s call it a victory.)

Second: I shopped for shoes. And they’ll be here tomorrow. And it’s a little sad how much that cheered me up, but how can you not be a little happy about $100 shoes for $12? It’s a sign that the universe is still a good place.

February 23, 2007 | Retail Therapy

I am going to live. Just thought you’d like to know. I may not be eating Chinese food again any time soon, though.

So, remember how I bought Chickadee a dress for the wedding? I bought it on eBay, and it’s been a while since I used eBay, see, so I’d forgotten how to speak the language.

The picture was lovely (if a tad blurry). It was advertised as being silk, and in pristine, perfect condition. I thought I’d gotten a great deal. (more…)

February 1, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Retail Therapy

Yesterday was a VERY EXCITING DAY, because something unprecedented happened.

I went to Marshall’s and found TWO pairs of jeans that FIT!

And I would’ve happily paid any amount of money for those jeans, because my quest for ass coverage has become so dire that my normal penny-pinching ways have been downtrodden in favor of my new philosophy, which is: SPEND IT ALL if it means having pants to wear. But the heavens shone forth and the angels sang and my generous bounty cost me under $15. Total.

It was a difficult decision, yesterday, whether to write the Love Thursday post I went with or one about my new jeans. (more…)

January 6, 2007 | Retail Therapy

Anyone who’s known me for any length of time knows that I like to shop. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that I love the shopping in a way that sometimes causes folks to back away from me slowly. I love the thrill of the bargain. I love the chase.

Despite this love affair, I would usually rather set my own hair on fire than go shopping for pants. I was sure I’d written about this before, and it turns out that indeed I did—nearly 2 years ago. Which would be the last time I went looking for pants to cover my (apparently freakish) behind. When I wrote that post, I was spending 99% of my time rotating through 3 identical pairs of jeans which were already getting old. Guess what I’m still wearing? (more…)

December 3, 2006 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Retail Therapy

Continuing in the fine tradition of tackling only the life issues which require very little thought and probably don’t need to be addressed right now, today I turned to my favorite activity to undertake every 730 days: Picking a new cell phone.

Today was even more fun, because Otto and I had such good luck coming to agreement on wedding ring selection, we decided to figure out our phones together. Thankfully there is no societal edict that our phones coordinate, so it was a slightly lower-pressure situation, at least. Also, if our new phones suck? We can get new ones in another two years without being worried about hurting anyone’s feelings. Much better. (more…)

December 2, 2006 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Retail Therapy

I used to think there ought to be a law that when you’re selling a coordinating set of something—say, matching brother/sister Christmas sweaters—you have to list them together on eBay rather than as separate auctions. Because there is nothing more annoying in this world than agonizing over how high you bid to try to secure BOTH items, as having one but not the other is useless if what you really want is the set.

But after explaining auctioning and bidding to my daughter, and winning the first sweater (much to her delight), I sat here refreshing the page on the second sweater. We watched as someone swooped in and upped the bid with 3 minutes to go. I prepared to enter my bid and she piped up, “Mom. Better wait til there’s only about thirty seconds left so you don’t get sniped back.”

I don’t know that I’ve ever been prouder.

(Yes, we won the second sweater, too. I believe this was due to our combined, overwhelming shopping savvy.)

October 7, 2006 | Retail Therapy

I’m the sort of careful shopper who follows an extremely predictable course of action when undertaking a large purchase. It’s totally awesome that I am sharing my shopping acumen with the world because the way I save money, it’s a thing of beauty (plus I’m so modest and all).

So. Because this was such a VERY SPECIAL INSTANCE of careful shopping, I simply must share it here. Everyone needs to learn from my example.

Also, everyone should have a king size bed. (more…)

October 1, 2006 | Retail Therapy, What do I do all day?

I’m an excellent hostess. Pull up a box of kleenex and sit down.

Remember when I said maybe I was getting sick? Dude. I’m PSYCHIC. (Or was that psychotic? I can never keep those two straight.) Or perhaps I had a little tickle in the back of my throat, even then. But I prefer to believe I’m psychic, as that’s a better counterpoint to a runny nose.

Stupid cold weather. I cry uncle! I give up! I turned on my heat today. If I’m going to get a cold every couple of weeks, at least I want to be able to feel my toes inside my slippers. (more…)

September 23, 2006 | Retail Therapy, What do I do all day?

Today was rainy and grey and gross and so I decided we should take a trip to the happiest place on earth.

No, not Disney. (Have you ever BEEN to Disneyworld? Or for that matter, Disneyland, which is where I spent my pseudo-honeymoon (that’s another tale entirely) and where I encountered a whole lot of hot, impatient, and generally obnoxious people? Disney is not a happy place. It’s a place where people paid a lot of money to stand in line all day and eat overpriced food.)

We went to Target. Obviously. (more…)

September 15, 2006 | Retail Therapy

I’ve got a weighty matter or twelve rattling around in my brain, and I cry uncle. It’s the end of the week. I can only think seriously about anything for so long before my left eyelid starts to twitch. I. Have had. ENOUGH.

And when the tough have had enough, the tough go shopping.

Normally I’m content to indulge in the smallest bit of retail therapy for my fix; although I probably TALK as though shopping is my second career, the truth is that it takes very little to satiate me. I do a lot of shopping but not a lot of buying. And what I do buy is likely to be so cheap it barely even counts as shopping.

But that’s the deal for normal stressors, not when I’m really feeling frazzled within inches of my sanity. A $6 pair of clearance shoes is not going to cut it, this time. No, the time has come to tackle the mother of all purchases, and I need your help. (more…)