Woulda Coulda Shoulda

I’m coming to a place where I believe the teenage brain may indeed be so hormone-addled that basic connections of common sense and cause-and-effect are suspended until further notice. MRI imagining would reveal that teen brains light up when shown caramel brownies, but those same brains can look at unfinished homework and angry teachers and ask what’s on television, and also, hey, are any of those brownies left?

You would think that having once BEEN a teenager would allow a parent to better understand this phase, but you would be wrong. I can’t follow their logic, no matter how hard I try. And for some odd reason, calmly asking one of them if maybe, just maybe, they’ve suffered brain damage since you last conversed is not seen as nurturing or helpful.

I’m not sure they even understand each other, unless “understanding how to piss each other off” is a manifestation of said understanding. And I used to think that was just a sibling thing, but now I’m hearing about it amongst supposed friends, so I don’t know. Basically they’re all playing from a secret rulebook that changes constantly, but we’re the stupid ones for not knowing the rules. (more…)

There’s quite a bit of sibling adjustment happening ’round here. The kids have missed each other so much—more than I think either of them realized—but both have grown somewhat used to being the only kid in the house, and so we are seeing some natural jockeying for position now that they’re together again.

For Monkey’s part, I think he has blossomed in his sister’s absence; he is the beta to her alpha, and with alpha absent, beta has discovered that he can monopolize the conversation if he feels like it (neat!). He is much more assertive now than he was when she left, and Chickadee finds herself a little puzzled as to why she cannot just steamroll over him at the dinner table the way she used to. She is also finding that he’s more entertaining than she remembers; whether this is due to absence making the heart grow fonder, Monkey now being a fellow teenager, or Chickie being more tolerant (or some combination thereof), I have no idea. But I’ll take it.

What has NOT changed is this family’s penchant for 1) being inappropriate and 2) torturing each other. Um. Yay? (more…)

When you think about having children, you dream of all the magical things you’ll do together and all the memories you’ll build. You hope you’ll have similar interests and hopes and goals.

Actual conversation from earlier today in the car, upon spotting a rather unfortunate-looking (read: dead) armadillo on the shoulder.

Me: Oh no, Mr. Armadillo. That’s not a good place for a nap!
Monkey: Maybe he’s very sleepy.
Me: Like he was walking along, and suddenly he was just overcome with the need for a short rest?
Monkey: Exactly. So he just flopped over on his back like that for a power-nap.
Me: And put his intestines in a tidy pile beside him.
Monkey: Right. Because it’s hard to get comfortable with your innards on the inside. He just took ‘em out, you know, just to get comfy.
Me: Kind of like taking off your pants so they don’t get creased while you sleep?
Monkey: Yeah, he was all, “My intestines can just wait over here. Ah, that’s much more comfortable. Also, I appear to be slightly dead.”
Me: Well, that’s unfortunate.
Monkey: Indeed.

I’m so proud.

I can’t remember if I mentioned that I finally upgraded to an iPhone 5 from my previous dinosaur-era model (deductible business expense, wooo!), which means I am only recently learning the wonders of Siri. Siri and I have a somewhat difficult relationship, although nowadays if I say to her, “Siri, what’s my name?” she will gamely respond, “Your name is Miriam. But because we are friends, I get to call you Mir.” (I don’t know if we’re truly friends, but I appreciate that Siri knows how to ingratiate herself.)

It’s true that this phone means I am forever feeling my age; last night at play rehearsal I tried to record something and somehow completely screwed it up (because pushing the big red RECORD button is too hard…? I don’t know if I didn’t record it or if I somehow didn’t save it), and a younger, smarter cast member was kind enough to email her recording to me. But it’s also true that I am grateful to technology, and this phone in particular, because Chickadee communicates best with her thumbs, and I am trying to keep up.

It used to be that when she was texting me and I was in the car, she would get annoyed when I didn’t answer, and then my entire drive would be punctuated by dings and whistles as she typed “BEEP BEEP!” fifty gajillion times in a row. Because THAT’S not annoying. Thanks to Siri, I can now text while I drive. (more…)