Archive for the 'Haven't been hit by lightning yet!' Category
Every now and then I meet or talk with someone who says to me, “Hey! Remember when you blogged about XYZ? You never gave us an update! What ended up happening?” And then I have to reach back into my brain to access the compartment where I’m storing XYZ, and generally if I never updated on it, it means one of four things:
1) Nothing ever happened. I didn’t update you because there was nothing to tell.
2) Something boring happened. I didn’t update you because the update put me to sleep, and I was there.
3) Something happened that somehow fell outside the bounds of what I’m comfortable sharing, and so I just… let it go and hoped you wouldn’t notice. Sorry.
or
4) I forgot. Probably I saw something shiny.
The truth is that Option 4 is the most likely scenario, closely followed by Option 1. Options 2 and 3 are less common. And today you get Option 5. (more…)
Posted by Mir @
11:42 am |
Otto and I were discussing work, and somehow the conversation worked around to the sorts of things I talk about when I go give guest lectures or speak on a panel or whatever. My darling daughter—who probably wonders why anyone would VOLUNTARILY subject themselves to me droning on and on—asked what people usually want from me when I’m asked to speak somewhere.
“Well,” I said, “it usually boils down to them wanting to know how to start a blog that people will actually want to read.”
“That’s EASY!” she said, throwing her hands in the air with the absurdity of it all. “You just tell them to get divorced, make their kids miserable, and go get on the Internet. Right?”
(I’m revamping all of my PowerPoint presentations now.)
Posted by Mir @
12:21 pm |
Chris wrote a hilarious post the other day about the ridiculous pitches we receive as bloggers. We’ve all been through the “I don’t respond to email addressed to ‘Dear Mommyblogger’ or addressed to someone else” thing, and Chris does a great job of explaining why pretending to hype an “opportunity” to someone that is really a request for advertising in return for some crappy free product is just insulting and dumb.
But I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided that that at the very least, you kind of have to admire the chutzpah of those pitches. I mean, they’re terrible. AWFUL. But someone must be falling for them, right? So maybe even at a low rate of return, it works out to be advantageous for them. And if you want to be completely technical, offering free product in return for space on someone’s blog is indeed an “opportunity,” albeit one that doesn’t seem like it would appeal to many people with brains.
But I’ve decided that my favorite pitch to hate has got to be the ones that are even dumber than that. (more…)
Posted by Mir @
1:59 pm |
My children are hoarders. I mean, not Prime Time Special, bring in the forklift kind of hoarders, but hoarders nonetheless. Every item that comes into the house is the most wondrous [insert category of object here], and every drawing is sacred, and every graded test a reminder of a more halcyon time. I have to remove outgrown clothing under cover of darkness or create an elaborate diversion during the day (“Hey, look! Is that a big sign that says FREE COOKIES?”), lest the wailing and gnashing of teeth commence.
Otto is meticulous and organized, and while he has a vast quantity of STUFF, himself, every object has a place and a filing system and is part of a rigid hierarchy. His strategy with the children is to try to help them ORGANIZE their things. In other words, it’s okay with him if they keep everything, so long as it isn’t all over the floor.
I am neither meticulous nor particularly well organized, and I don’t have a single sentimental bone in my body. In my world, if I don’t have a spot for it here on my desk, it’s not something I wear regularly or something I need to do my taxes, INTO THE GARBAGE IT GOES. I am forever trying to get the kids to part with their “treasures” by lovingly pointing out that FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IT’S A GRANOLA BAR WRAPPER. LET IT GO. (more…)
Posted by Mir @
11:11 am |
It’s Friday, and that means I’m over at Five Full Plates today. If my neck wasn’t so jacked up I might be talking about exercise or even bemoaning my current weight, but as it is I’m nearly immobile and so have resorted to telling you about what I put in my mouth this week.
Insert your own jokes. You know you want to.
Posted by Mir @
8:05 am |
It’s Friday, and that means I’m over at Five Full Plates with support and inspiration for this whole “getting fit” thing.
Or maybe I’m just gnashing my teeth and rending my garments.
Or maybe I’m still coming to terms with the reality that it may be time to pony up and buy a decent scale. Does anyone have a recommendation for a good scale that’s not too pricey?
Alternatively, does anyone have some chocolate they’d like to give me? I’m just trying to keep my arteries clear, people.
Posted by Mir @
8:53 am |
retribution
-noun
1. a justly deserved penalty
2. the act of taking revenge
3. sudden recurrence of somnambulance the night after your wife writes a somewhat cranky post about you
true love
-noun
1. a sweetheart; a truly loving or loved person
2. bond uniting soul mates
3. not kicking your husband in the nads when he wakes you out of a sound sleep TWICE on the same night: first to insist that there’s something in the room with you, then later to noisily inspect the far wall because “I know it sounds crazy, but there’s a giant hole in it and there’s something in there!”
(Today’s lesson brought to you by three cups of coffee and the letters W, T, and F.)
Posted by Mir @
2:00 pm |
[A guess of what my 11-year-old daughter's journal would surely look like, if she had one.]
Friday, December 18th 2009
Dear Journal,
I let Mom come to school with me this morning to carry my stuff. There was a lot of stuff AND it was raining and I got wet and I hate that. She was pretty much okay except when Ms. Science told her I was missing part of my project. Then I’m pretty sure she would’ve gone into full lecture mode if we hadn’t run into the next teacher who needed cookies. Ugh!!
We didn’t do anything at school really. And tonight we’re eating dinner in front of the TV and watching Mythbusters, which is cool except I wish my brother wasn’t going to be there.
Chickie (more…)
Posted by Mir @
1:00 pm |
I’m a sucker for Christmas. Oh, I could tell you it’s because I didn’t come to Christianity until later in life or that it’s because of faith and hope and such—and both of those things happen to be true—but the truest explanation is simply that it’s shiny and pretty and the closest I come to GOODWILL TOWARDS (HU)MAN all year. It’s festive. And twinkly. And shut up.
So this weekend I was giddy, pulling out the Christmas decorations, setting lights just so, and even placing our faux mistletoe ball in the doorway by the bottom of the stairs. (Why no, I never do tire of a solid month of “KISS ME! KIIIIIIISS MEEEEEEE!!!” every time a child comes skidding to a stop there.)
Last night we fell to decorating the tree, and all was right in my world. (more…)
Posted by Mir @
10:47 am |
I’m hip-deep in preparations for our next IEP meeting, which I’m told should NOT include some of my brilliant ideas, such as screaming, “You people are inefficient, heartless asses” or suggesting that my child could, in fact, receive a better education in a cage full of premenstrual orangutans. (I only believe one of those statements, actually.) (But I’m not saying which one.)
This time we’re bringing the Big Guns, by which I mean that we have hired representation because it’s become clear to us that that’s the only way anything’s going to get done. Sad, but true. And really, all of that pesky money I had tucked away was making my mattress all lumpy.
In addition to having many other brilliant ideas, our shiny new advocate has suggested that I bring food to our next meeting. (Don’t you love her already?) She suggested a number of things which are easy enough to pick up at the store, but you know me. If I’m going to kill them with kindness, I’m going all the way. I’m baking, baby.
Have a recipe guaranteed to turn even the most curmudgeonly drone to pliable goo? Please share. I need a good one.
Posted by Mir @
12:25 pm |
