Do I feel it now? How about now? Now?
Every now and then I get a message in a fortune cookie that I feel compelled to save. I’m not a superstitious person; the reasons that I hang on to those little white slips of paper vary. Prophetic is good, but ironic or funny is even better.
While I was still unemployed I pulled “You will soon change careers” from a cookie. I tacked it up on my computer monitor. The months dragged on and I had to conclude that the translator had egg foo yung for brains. Still–it was a genuine fortune, which was a nice change from the usual “statement cookies” that are so pervasive nowadays.
Today at lunch I happily munched my way through my favorite Chinese food. Down at the other end of the lunch table, a lively debate about a current project gained momentum and volume. I ate and half-listened and mentally went over my to-do list for this weekend. At last the time to head back to my desk drew near, and I grabbed a cookie to delay the return to the grind.
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Suburban Summer
I have spoken here, more than once, about how important I believe it is for kids to have structure and stability and routine. Particularly for my, uh, “challenging” child, who oftentimes acts out when her expectations are disrupted.
So it made perfect sense to schedule a different activity every single freaking week for the entire Summer.
(I don’t do crack, I just play a crackhead on TV!)
Yeah, it wouldn’t have been my first choice in a perfect world. But between trips out of town and visits from grandparents and the various costs and restrictions of our care options, this is how it worked out. Much to my amazement–so far, so good. Generally.
This week the kids are attending Cool Camp on the Lake.
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Beijing, Beijing, Beijing
One of the problems with, you know, having a job in a place where there are ultimately some sort of customers, is that–sooner or later–if you’re an intolerant snob (such as myself), you will eventually arrive at the inescapable conclusion that People Are Stupid.
And yes, even Stupid People (heck, sometimes ESPECIALLY Stupid People) contribute to the great “Circle of Life” known as “My Paycheck,” so it’s hard to complain about them without sounding ungrateful and bitchy. This will not deter me, of course, because I’m already well aware that I’m ungrateful and bitchy.
And maybe–just maybe–there’s a force at work here which someone can explain to me. Maybe People Are Confusing or People Are Mysterious or even People Are Working On An Important Secret Mission That Closely Mimics People Being Very Stupid and once I’ve been enlightened, I will be forced to admit the error of my ways. I’m willing to be educated.
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Til death do us part
Loyal readers may have noticed I haven’t blogged about my ex in quite a while. Did you happen to wonder why that is?
Maybe he’s been so horrible, it was too embarrassing to even consider writing about his antics.
Maybe he’s just sort of faded back into the background; not troublesome, but barely even present. Forgettable.
Maybe I’ve finally matured to the point where WHATEVER he does just doesn’t matter to me.
Nope, nope, and I haven’t even matured to the point where I can keep a straight face while my children sing about boogers, so, um, NO.
The reason is that I haven’t been able to wrap my brain around recent events. But I’m gonna try. (If it doesn’t work, I’ll teach you the booger song.)
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Home on the grill
I was ready, today, for life to Get Back To Normal.
So I guess it should come as a surprise to no one that–after tucking the kids into bed, prepping the backpacks and lunchbags for camp tomorrow–I headed out to the deck. To throw large hunks of flesh onto my grill.
Yup. It was all verrrrrry normal. Rib?
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Friday Flashbacks: Deluge
The attacks on London yesterday–combined with several days in a row of grey, rainy days–have left me melancholy. I had a post for yesterday, yes. What do you say that can matter on a day when so many people are senselessly injured or killed? The only answer I could come up with was: Nothing.
I’m praying for healing, and peace. The end.
Today I’m no more profound, but I’m trying to shake my inclination to be caught up in my own fears and worries. So I’ll resume my “normal” routine as best I can. That includes a Friday trip in the way-back machine; but when I close my eyes today, all I can focus on is the rain. The world keeps turning and the rain keeps falling.
If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Join me in today’s stormy mood, if you like.
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Just call me Goldilocks
I know each and every one of you will be pleased and relieved to know that AFTER I’d gone BACK outside to water my flowers, yesterday, it proceeded to rain all day, today. Of course.
Anyway.
Today’s tale is about the time I went to this house in the woods and the first porridge I tasted was too hot and the second was too cold and–
Wait. I don’t ever break into people’s houses in the woods. And I’ve never had porridge. But this is ALMOST as logical as that, I promise! And nobody’s chair gets broken. And best of all? It’s about my vagina! AGAIN!!
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God loves a cheerful planter
(But sometimes he just has to settle for me.)
There lived in a small village a woman of moderate age, who spent her days toiling in the fields of the “rat race” to earn enough to put food in her children’s mouths and keep a roof over their heads. Mir was her name, and one day God looked upon her and chose her as an instrument with which to beautify the land. Verily, he spoke unto her.
God: Mir, spring has come. Soon, it will be summer.
Mir: Yes, my Lord. I have a calendar. And eyes.
God: And an attitude.
Mir: Sorry. Did you need something?
God: I say unto you: it is time to purchase your annuals. Till the land, and plant them firm, and try to remember to water them. Do this in the glory of my name.
Mir: Uhhhhh… okay.
God: …
Mir: I mean, sure. Excellent idea.
God: …
Mir: Oh, did you mean NOW? It’s nearly midnight.
God: I trust you will know when the time is right. Be ready to act when the time has come.
Mir: Cool. No problem.
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Just out of reach
It’s been a true holiday weekend for me; I have been busily mooching my way across various friends, and haven’t fed myself since Friday. It’s amazing; I mean, my kids are out of town, it’s not like I lost a limb or anything. But it’s really very sweet that those friends who didn’t abandon me to go out of town on vacation or something (like SOME people who clearly DON’T LOVE ME AT ALL) want to love me and hug me and feed me until my pants go *POP*.
Oh yeah, sorry ’bout that by the way. Did it startle you, earlier this evening? That loud noise? It was my shorts… right around the 23rd strawberry, I believe. I’m sorry.
The weather has been kind enough to grace us with a flawless few days: Warm–but not too hot–sunny, not too humid. Just beautiful. I’ve spent hours upon hours outside this weekend and I think I’m even starting to tan a little, because it was only spontaneously commented to me, “Wow, you are REALLY white!” twice.
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Footloose and fancy-free
I am totally capitalizing on all of this kid-free time. The house is spotless; I’ve finished up projects I’ve been putting off for years; and tonight I got gussied up and went out where children aren’t even allowed.
Oh, wait. That was just my imagination. Whoops!
In reality, I guess you could say I’m off to sort of a slow start. Or that I’m just a complete lazyass. It’s sort of a toss-up, really. It’s just been so long since I was able to sleep late and do almost nothing; I think I was overdue. Of course, once I got going, it was a highly productive day.
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