Do I feel it now? How about now? Now?

By Mir
July 14, 2005

Every now and then I get a message in a fortune cookie that I feel compelled to save. I’m not a superstitious person; the reasons that I hang on to those little white slips of paper vary. Prophetic is good, but ironic or funny is even better.

While I was still unemployed I pulled “You will soon change careers” from a cookie. I tacked it up on my computer monitor. The months dragged on and I had to conclude that the translator had egg foo yung for brains. Still–it was a genuine fortune, which was a nice change from the usual “statement cookies” that are so pervasive nowadays.

Today at lunch I happily munched my way through my favorite Chinese food. Down at the other end of the lunch table, a lively debate about a current project gained momentum and volume. I ate and half-listened and mentally went over my to-do list for this weekend. At last the time to head back to my desk drew near, and I grabbed a cookie to delay the return to the grind.


I tried to stifle my giggles. In response to a raised eyebrow across the table, I passed the slip to my favorite coworker. She read it and promptly snorted up one of her chopsticks in her own effort not to laugh out loud.

The conversation that almost everyone else was participating in continued–oblivious to my plight–as I quietly vented my angst to further chortling.

“Hey,” I started out softly, leaning towards her, with as much urgency in my voice as I could muster. “My GOD, I think I’m feeling a–oh wait, sorry. False alarm. I thought I had, you know, an URGE to do something. But it was only the POTENTIAL. Nevermind. I was SO CLOSE but I think I’ll just go back to, you know, sitting on my ASS.”

Apparently my laziness achieves such heights, that even my fortune cookie knows that my very urges are only remote possibilities. Because the effort–OH, the effort!–to even bother desiring something… well… it’s a lot. Especially when I’m enjoying that post-Chinese-food overstuffed coma.

Peel me a grape? There’s a chance I may consider wanting one later.


  1. Busy Mom

    I am forced to bring up that ancient Chinese custom of adding “in bed” to the end of every fortune cookie statement.

  2. ben

    I’ve been chuckling about this headline all morning, in my typical dirty-minded way.

    I’m imagining the cell phone dude doing bad porn, and going “can you feel me now? Good! Can you feel me now?” etc. with the little smirk.

    Sorry to corrupt your blog…

  3. Genuine

    Do people still chortle?

  4. Shiz

    Reminds me:

    A friend, a former English teacher, once found this nugget in a student’s essay:

    “Desolation she was, yet not wasted reliances.”

    Gramatically correct, yet it still means nothing.

    Still, a potential urge is great.

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest