I… am not… an ANIMAL!
Okay. Turn away if you’re squeamish. Hide your children. I am about to overshare, in that very special way that I do. Because I am all about the sharing, particularly when it’s GROSS! Because I am a child. Or maybe because I’m the anti-christ. I just don’t know. What I DO know is that things got a little frightening there for a bit, and then all was made wonderful again.
First: I woke up in agony.
Then: I had pie for breakfast!
After which: Order was restored to the universe.
Perhaps I’ve left out some pertinent details. Let me get some more PIE and I will elaborate.
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Orally distracted
Know what we’re not gonna talk about today? We are not gonna talk about the state of my leg. Nope. We’re not gonna address how my doctor’s assurances that I probably wouldn’t have another allergic reaction were, um, optimistic. There is no need to discuss the damage a single yellow jacket sting has wraught on my hapless (and apparently wimpy) body.
Thank goodness we don’t need to talk about THAT! Phew!
You know what I find to be an excellent distraction, at times like this? Putting things in my mouth! Too bad I don’t have a boyfriend! (To… ummm… make dinner for, of course.)
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Random acts of weirdness
A few days ago, the kids and I were driving along the main strip on our way somewhere (yeah, that’s right; here in boonieville a multi-lane road with lots of stoplights that spans from HEAH to THEAH is the main strip) when someone honked near us. At us? I wasn’t sure.
I turned to look and there was a white Honda Civic coming up from the rear, on our left. I didn’t recognize the car. It was still a couple of car lengths back, so I couldn’t get a good look at the driver, other than to see that he was an older man wearing glasses. Hmmm. Maybe he hadn’t been honking at me. I faced forward again.
*HOOOOOOONK* as the car edged its way even with us. Now the driver was waving frantically AT ME.
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Blogging for Books REMINDER
Don’t forget that you have until midnight tonight (midnight tomorrow? midnight within the next 24 hours? hey, the next midnight that happens) to submit your entry for this month’s Blogging for Books contest.
Deja venom
Um, I wasn’t really planning on it being an annual event, but apparently there are now multiple ways to discern that Fall has arrived in New England:
1) It starts getting dark out earlier.
2) The leaves start turning color and falling off the trees.
3) The evenings are nippy and the mornings are downright cold.
4) I manage to mow over a nest of pissed-off yellow jackets.
Ow.
Wife of the party
I went to a party tonight. It was… festive! And… party-like! With… snacks!
When I was younger I was a very social creature. Now that I am old and cranky and hate everyone and everything, I would rather be a hermit. But still, a part of my brain senses that I used to enjoy being around other people who say things like “How about that game!” and “Try the pinot grigio!” And so, when I am invited, I go. And try not to embarrass myself too badly.
Hey, brief pause here to say THANK YOU and YOU’RE SO PRETTY to everyone who’s ordered Woulda Coulda Shoulda merchandise so far. I hope to someday pass you in the street and gasp and swoon and grab you and kiss you full on the mouth while you dial 911 on your cell phone and I babble on about how you’re wearing MY SHIRT. Anyway, I bring this up to illustrate that while I would think nothing of assaulting a complete stranger with my dorkitude, I am not QUITE enough of a dork to wear my own advertisement to a party. Instead, today I happen to be wearing the “I’m blogging this” shirt that Joshilyn gave me. Because that’s just SO MUCH LESS geeky.
Shaddup.
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Crouching parent, hidden waistband
Hooboy, it’s been a busy day. Yep. I’m just now sitting down with nothing that needs my immediate attention. Ahhhhh.
I had one of those clarifying moments, this morning, way earlier than anything at all should be making sense. It wasn’t even 7:00 yet; the children were circling the kitchen in search of breakfast and I was trying to focus both eyes on the empty lunchboxes which needed filling. Finally I stared into the refrigerator, hoping for inspiration, when a scuffle broke out behind me.
“She HIT me!” cried Monkey. “She SHOVED me really really hard and I hit the WALL!” Said wall was actually not even in the kitchen, but twenty feet away in the mudroom. Monkey had to run and fling himself while declaring the injustice of it all. Chickadee bore a look of mild disbelief.
I tried to decide if I had enough energy to try to jolly him out of his indignation over what–in all likelihood–had just been his sister brushing against him. “Really, buddy?” I asked, biding for time. It turned out that my services weren’t even needed.
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What Not NOT to Wear
(With apologies to Stacy and Clinton for butchering their line with a double negative.)
So remember how I said I was thinking of making t-shirts and stuff? I think about lots of things, really. It doesn’t always mean that I’ll actually do it. This, though, I was seriously planning to do, although as we all know, I can’t even draw a straight line, so it wasn’t like I was planning anything very nifty. And we all know that Mrs. Kennedy has already cornered the market for pure-text, one-line-zinger blog shirts.
It was something of a quandary.
And then I was visited by an angel. That’s right, an angel of the lord! If, you know, the lord was a great big repository of the sort of artistic inspiration which I lack.
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Cracked
It was all going along so well. I had a lovely talk with my friendly neighborhood Unemployment Adjudication… ummm… Guy (Representative?), covering such fascinating topics as how to properly report my freelance earnings–as I have doubled my contracts since yesterday (that’s what’s cool about having one contract… once you have TWO contracts, you’ve got twice as many!)–and how my former employer has decided to give me the rest of the money they sort of forgot to finish paying me before. All in all, not a bad start to the day, you know?
I was feeling good. Empowered! Hopeful! Less broke! Practically giddy!
Midway through the day I brushed my very beautiful teeth extra carefully, and flossed–yes, FLOSSED–with reverence. I topped it all off with a hearty swish of the flouride rinse, and headed out to have my teeth cleaned.
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The bubbles tickled my nose
Today was gorgeous. We couldn’t have ordered better weather for Labor Day; for running around outside (the kids), for relaxing on the porch (us), for grilling and holding hands around the table and singing grace and enjoying the meal and the company.
It was a wonderful reminder. As a dear friend of mine says: Life is hard. God is good.
It’s the balance between the two that I often have trouble achieving. Today, it was easier.
Here’s a partial list of some things I got to have today. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to determine which ones I’ll remember with clarity a year from now, and which ones are already fading from memory:
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