Otto warned me quite a while ago that he occasionally walks in his sleep. I can't even remember when he first mentioned it. I do know that it only happened once during our first stint dating (only once that I witnessed, anyway): I woke up one night to discover him pacing around the room, and when I asked him what he was doing, he stopped in his tracks. After careful consideration, he answered, "I have no idea." We went back to sleep. I thought that was really weird, but that was only because I had no idea what was to come. Fast forward several years. One night my beloved Otto and I are...
(Which is why this is okay, because I skipped last month.) Dear Otto, Happy three months of being hitched! That's a full quarter of a year, and we still like each other. I think by this point in my last marriage we already had our doubts, so WAY TO GO, US! This month has been the first time we've lived together the entire time, WITH the kids here, and everyone is still alive and minimally scarred. That's not to say that I am not going to shove all three of you out the door on Monday morning when school starts (hooray), but even at the end of a trying day seeing your face does not make me...
(It's not what you think.) After four and a half years of living on my own, I have been completely undone by one month of sharing a house with another adult. That Otto is such a JERK, getting me all used to having him around. That insensitive jerk lulled me into a false sense of security and then just as the temperature spiked, he went and left me. He left me here with the over-100-degrees temps and a couple of cranky kids and suddenly I was all, "I have to take the garbage out!" and "I have to pay attention to my children!" and "Damn there are a lot of dead bugs in this pool!" Oh, he's...
After a solid month of family togetherness, just superwonderful, 24/7 all being together what felt like every minute of every day, it was with great sadness that I packed the kids off to spend a weekend with their dad, today. They were VERY excited to see him and he was VERY excited to see them and it was a beautiful reunion that greatly assuaged my urge to shove them all out the door for at least five minutes. I don't know how I will survive until Sunday night without the children, but I will try to soldier on. "Hey!" I told Otto after they walked out the door, "we can sleep naked all...
Otto understands me. He knows when I need chocolate. He knows when I need a hug. He corrals the kids when I need to work and he cleans up after dinner whenever I look like my eye is starting to twitch again. So the other day---and I have NO IDEA what he was doing at the time---a great cry of glee went up from the other desk in the office, and when I turned to see what was so exciting, Otto showed me this. Five minutes later, he was lamenting the fact that he hadn't kept it to himself, because that would've been an awesome birthday present for me. You see, I love bacon. I double pink puffy...
The most inconvenient part about having had a total hysterectomy is not the annoyance of synthetic hormones or the worries about early-onset osteoporosis, but the inability to blame anything on PMS anymore. See, I used to think I had PMS a lot. It turns out, I'm just a cranky bitch. Like, see, today? Today sucked giant, hairy donkey balls for various reasons, and many of them were small and stupid reasons, and a couple of them were large and truly important reasons, but the end result was that I left the house to run a couple of errands and returned in a gigantic fit of pique. I stormed...
This week has been a slippery slide into "I hate everyone and everything" territory, much to the chagrin of my family. Whoops! Not you! I don't hate YOU! Except when you talk to me in that tone of voice. Or look at me that way. Or breathe. Do you have to do that quite so LOUDLY? I think we all hit the wall this week, and it's right and good and necessary, but that doesn't make it fun. We are all cranky and feeling adrift, I think. I would like a vacation. What? You say this IS my vacation? Oh. Right. Please kill me. Ahem. So in an attempt to get out of my current rut (that lovely low spot...
We are totally all moved in now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am so funny. Well, we did manage to finish unpacking the kitchen. We ate so much take-out that I started whining about how I was sure I was getting scurvy, or maybe rickets, I couldn't be sure, and DAMMIT we needed to get back to eating like moderately healthful humans. So we put everything away in a flurry of negotiations (whose wine glasses get to go in the rack? do we keep both crockpots?) and then the kitchen was ready for use at last. We celebrated this auspicious event with a trip to Kroger to spend what little money we haven't already...
As of around 5:00 this afternoon, Otto and I are now the proud owners of three houses. We think it's good to have a couple of spares around, just in case, you know. He did carry me over the threshold, though he didn't throw me in the pool... probably because the pool was still looking a little scary. (The pool people are coming tomorrow to finish readying it, which I hope means they will be vacuuming up the fuzzy stuff floating all over the bottom, because EWW.) I didn't accidentally sign my old name even once on the mortgage paperwork! A good way to learn your new name is to sign it...
