I want to write about something meaningful and deep and all that, but my mind keeps returning to my plethora of interview-related faux pas from this morning. (What is the plural of faux pas? Faux pases? Faux pax? Faux pas de deux?) I may as well just bare all and hope that by allowing the entire internet to see what a dork I am, ultimately I will be able to stop thinking about it for a while. You know, sort of a delegation of responsibility. Okay, team! Listen up! You, over there, spend the next few hours pondering what a tremendous misfit I am, and when you tire of it, pass the baton to the...
It should be impossible to be as cranky as I was, yesterday, for longer than a day. Theoretically, I mean. But as we've previously discussed, I am quite gifted. At least when it comes to spectacular bottoming-out of the moods. My funks may modify and adapt here and there, but I'm pretty good at the sustained grumpiness thing. So! This morning was spectacular. I don't even remember what happened. All I know is that one minute I was bellowing "EAT. YOUR. BREAK. FAST!" for the forty-seventh time, and the next thing I knew I was standing there with a little cup of Del Monte mandarin oranges in...
*RING RING* What he said: Let's set an up interview as soon as possible, here are the particulars, here is what we're looking for, can you come in Monday? What I heard: This is the job you've been waiting for; right salary, right hours, people who give a damn. You are perfect for this. Can you come in Monday? What I said: Let me check my calendar... why yes, Monday would be fine. What I thought: OH MY GOD I HAVE TO GET THIS JOB THIS IS IT THIS IS THE ONE THIS IS THE SIGN THINGS ARE GOING TO BE OKAY. But I should stay calm. BUT THIS IS IT! *RING RING* What she said: Thank you so much for your...
You'd think that I would be learning, as I go along in the interview process. Each new job interview is another opportunity to hone my skills, perfect my schtick, and transform myself into the job candidate of which potential employers dream. You'd think that, if you'd never met me. After the shoe fiasco prior to my last interview (where I discovered just moments before leaving that my pretty, pretty shoes didn't actually stay on my feet; minor detail), I figured that I would head off any trouble, today, by laying out my entire outfit the night before. Which I did. I took everything out last...
I don't know why I didn't put it all together, sooner. The answer has been right under my nose all along! Actually, right on my toes. Part of my employment woes, you know, are that I don't want to return to the sort of job I used to hold. And I'm having some difficulty convincing potential employers of my credibility for other sorts of jobs, the types of which usually require extensive previous experience. But now I know what job is calling my name and I will have no trouble breaking into, on account of my undeniable talent in this area. I'm gonna be a... a... what the hell are those people...
Even a really fulfilling Target run can only carry a girl so far. Is the entire world populated with idiots, or do they just all congregate in Human Resources? I know some perfectly nice, decent human beings who work in HR. But I am beginning to suspect that they really don't; like maybe they made it up and are really drug runners, or something, because the level of pure imbecility I'm encountering in my job search is astonishing. I just received an email from Big Company regarding my application for employment. I've left so many messages for my contact, I assumed that this was a message in...
I have been kind of marking time until Big Company calls me to schedule my second interview. I've also been becoming convinced, with each passing hour, that I will never hear from them again and this isn't so much a job possibility as another exercise in Why I Suck, but I'm neurotic that way. It's a gift, really. So you can understand how it was that I got all excited when I received an email today from Big Company with the subject line, "Regarding your resume submission to Big Company." When you submit your resume to Big Company online, they have one of these fancy schmancy job-matching...
I'm just sitting down to breathe, now. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Much better. The kids are in bed, all the paperwork Chickadee brought home for me is filled out, tomorrow's lunches are packed, and I interviewed and lived to tell the tale. The Fantasy: I have most of the day before my interview to relax, unwind, and prep at a leisurely pace. I arrive early and fully prepared. The Reality: After I drop the kids, I go to the store for a portfolio to carry. I am halfway out of the shower when I realize I didn't shave my legs. I am fully dressed and wondering why I feel funny when I realize I forgot to...
Wouldn't it be funny if I came across a perfect job listing for me; local, big company, as a writer/proofreader, and I got all excited about it and whipped out a cover letter and my resume and emailed it off with glee and then in one horrible stomach-turning moment reread my letter and realized it contained an error? My letter. Defending my suitability as a proofreader. Containing a careless error. That's entertainment, baby. Yep, that'd be funny.
