It's a standard joke 'round here that the first thing out of the mouth of a child who just did something ill-advised is "But I just---" I'm never sure where they think that's going to take them; somehow that phrase is meant to be justification and yet, it never is. They do persist in using it, though. Otto and I have adapted it as well, and it has more or less come to mean "Wow I did something dumb and inexcusable but by saying this phrase I shall communicate that I'm hoping you might not notice." It is amusing to us. [Note: Not quite as amusing as the still oft-used "Gorgonzola!", but...
It's Friday, which means you should check out my post at Five Full Plates for the week. (Spoiler: I'm down almost two pounds.) I thought I'd feel all fit and healthy and be dancing around pulling out the (massive, gaping) waistband of my pants and stuff, but so far I'm mostly just tired and hungry. Which is not all that different than how I felt two pounds ago. Hmph. And now, I have to go celebrate with rice cakes and a cup of tea. Don't be jealous!
This whole "getting fit" and "losing weight" thing is completely screwing me up. For example: In the past, when something was unpleasant, I would avoid it. I like to think I lead a pretty Darwinian life. Exercise was unpleasant and made me sweaty and sore, so I opted to park my ass on the couch and eat cookies, instead. Eating less food made me less full, so I ate more. Eating fat-laden food made me happy, SO I DID. Sigh. Let's have a moment of silence for the good ol' days, shall we? Now I'm all CONSCIENTIOUS and HEALTHFUL and I have CONCRETE PROOF that it's bad for me. Listen, before I...
A huge portion of yesterday was spent celebrating Monkey's birthday, as was right and good, but of course there were a few other things that had to be tended to as well. Like, I still had to do some actual work. (I guess none of my clients got that National Monkey Holiday memo I sent out. HMPH.) And Otto had to do some actual work. (I guess none of his students got that Write Your Own Syllabus memo he sent out. DOUBLE HMPH.) And the children needed to finish unpacking and get ready for their return to school, except they agreed to do that and then spent most of the day playing with Monkey's...
If your daughter spends two days begging you to cut her hair short, and several hours looking through short hair pictures with you before, and even if you extract a promise beforehand that she WILL NOT CRY, even if you VIDEOTAPE SAID DECLARATION, it doesn't matter. She'll cry. Just so you know.
I'm over at Five Full Plates today, telling you about the new bane of my existence. (Hint: It turns out that when it comes to dieting and related mental illness? There's an app for that.)
I sometimes bitch and moan about things like teacher gifts, and it is primarily because I'm pretty good at bitching and moaning and not, in fact, because I hate teacher gifts. I actually sort of love doing teacher gifts. I like wrapping up multiple identical gifts. I enjoy layering different kinds of cookies into tins. I always get a smile out of the cards the kids make. And it makes it feel like Christmas. That's a very welcome thing, right now, when---trees and lights and all other signs to the contrary---I'm generally not overly full of the holiday spirit. But my kitchen counter IS full....
Alternate title: Why it's not a good idea to go to the store while you're distracted. Alternate alternate title: Paying attention is generally overrated, except not so much when it comes to baking. Alternate alternate alternate title: Maybe the teachers really want some potato chips for gifts this year? This is going to completely blow your mind, so I hope you're sitting down. Okay? Okay. It turns out that EVAPORATED MILK is not, in fact, the same thing as SWEETENED CONDENSED MILK. It's true! And handy to know if you think you're baking fudge today, you moron. You're welcome.
So we have something of an ongoing saga happening here, and it's one of those things where I'm never quite sure how much to say and how much to just bite down VERY FIRMLY on my tongue, but suffice it to say that I was participating in a test drive program for some SUPERCOOL and VERY SHINY large objects upon which we rely for things like clean clothes and food free of botulism, and instead of being supremely awesome it has, instead, been a carnival of How Many Things Can Go Wrong? How About One More? No, How About Two More? Hey, You Didn't Want These To Work, Did You? Etc. And although I...
