Not sure if you're up to the fun and excitement of owning your own pool? It can be difficult, deciding whether you're ready to take the plunge, and that's aside from the bad puns involved. Pool ownership is not to be undertaken lightly, so be certain you're making the right choice with this handy screening quiz. 1) Do you enjoy running outside like a crazy person when your son is having a playdate and screaming, "GET! OFF! THE! POOL! COVER! RIGHT! NOW!!" at his baffled friends? A) Yes. B) No. C) My kid told me about you. Have you considered valium? 2) Do you feel that no Mother's Day is...
I had big plans for this weekend, people. BIG PLANS. I was going to get a ton of work done, and have quality time with my family, and get the rest of my seedlings into the garden, finally, and it was all going to be spectacular. I got almost no work done, but I bet you already knew that. I'm not entirely sure how one defines "quality time," but we'll just agree to accept "going to the grocery store and arguing about high fructose corn syrup" and "letting my daughter 'fix' my hair for me" as quality. Really, I mean, this stuff is what life is made of. Or something. Also, it's been incredibly...
It's come to my attention that I have a (possibly annoying) habit of telling you an open-ended story and then wandering off and never---oh, look! Something SHINY! I don't do it on purpose, you know. I'm just easily distracted. Also, when I know how something turned out I just assume y'all are tapped into the hive mind and everyone knows. (No, that's a lie. I just forget sometimes that I haven't told you. I'm sorry!) As for missing Love Thursday yesterday, well, I spent most of the day at the dentist. I have no other excuse. But on my second visit there (really) a woman fainted in the waiting...
I am a slow learner (to my detriment). And while some people live by the credo that less is more, my personal internal monologue runs in the "if some is good, more would be MORE AWESOMER" direction. Even though it's not true. Even though the OPPOSITE is usually true. Like... take food, for example. A normal person enjoys, say, buffalo chicken wings, and eats some and says, "Yum, that was delicious." Me, I'm like a puppy. If I like a food, I will eat until it's GONE regardless of whether I'm still hungry or any sort of other common sense. So I am not allowed to partake of things like buffalo...
I would certainly never tell him about this while he is a child, and maybe I'll never tell him, but the fact of the matter is that I have recurring nightmares about Monkey dying. And it's just as awful as it sounds. Sometimes I go for months and months without it happening. In the past I've even gone a year or more. But they always come back. The only time I've ever dreamed about Chickadee dying was after our car accident, and they faded away after a few months. On the other hand, my nightmares about losing Monkey started when I was pregnant with him. That means I'm coming up on a dozen...
We had "one last IEP meeting" before taking our precious snowflake and vowing never to return to elementary school (um, next year, I mean... we're not ditching the last month of school this year), except that things didn't go quite the way we'd planned. And now, of course, I have to come up with a new plan, except that I've been dared to make peace with no plan for a little while. As you might expect, this is making me completely mental. I mean, moreso than usual, even. You can hear the gorey details today in my post over at Five Full Plates. I'll just be over here, with no plan. Just being....
So waayyyyyyyy back whenever it was that I figured out that actually, hey, I appear to have some sort of wheat allergy, I gave up wheat and my lifetime of acne cleared up and everybody cheered. (And here, by "everybody" I mostly mean "I.") Except that for the first few months, I would still cheat periodically. I'd reason that just one slice of pizza or one warm piece of bread right out of the oven certainly wasn't going to KILL ME, or anything, so why not? I would savor whatever slice of wheaty, gluteny heaven I'd allowed myself, and the next day I would have a zit (or two or three) the size...
So yesterday I woke up---after a night of half-awake pain and restlessness---with a stabbing pain just below my shoulder blade that only hurts when I move. Or breathe. So really, it's no biggie at all, except of course that it is. Now, I've certainly been known to Mess Up My Back through nothing more than foolishly existing or picking up something heavy, but I know EXACTLY what happened to my back two nights ago, and it is this: I went to bed stressed out and overwrought and through the miracle of psychosomatic neuroses I woke up with some bullshit injury. It seems like it would make more...
If you ask me which holiday is my favorite, I will never answer Easter, and I really don't know why. I mean, Easter has a lot to recommend it: There's generally an abundance of pork fat and a low Family Obligation Quotient, plus the candy is plentiful. And really, while I'm as excited to celebrate babies being born as much as the next person, it's quite a bit flashier when the dead rise, no? Me, I've given birth to babies. I have never---not once!---resurrected myself or anyone else from the grave. As miracles go, Easter is the clear winner. Miracles and pork fat; two great tastes that taste...
