Not sure if you’re up to the fun and excitement of owning your own pool? It can be difficult, deciding whether you’re ready to take the plunge, and that’s aside from the bad puns involved. Pool ownership is not to be undertaken lightly, so be certain you’re making the right choice with this handy screening quiz.
1) Do you enjoy running outside like a crazy person when your son is having a playdate and screaming, “GET! OFF! THE! POOL! COVER! RIGHT! NOW!!” at his baffled friends?
C) My kid told me about you. Have you considered valium?
2) Do you feel that no Mother’s Day is complete until you’ve dragged said pool cover out to the yard and gotten covered in pollen, grass, and other miscellaneous debris while helping your spouse fold it up again for storage?
C) Are you kidding me?
3) Would the ritual Spring unveiling of your very own backyard swamp fill you will glee?
A) I… think so?
B) Ewww, no thanks.
C) That explains the smell.
4) Do you have buckets of money for which you have no use, which could be best utilized by giving them to the nice people at the pool store in return for chlorine, chemical shock, and other substances likely to render you both blind and sterile?
B) I prefer to spend my money on pretty shoes.
C) Can I save one bucket for margaritas?
5) Do you enjoy playing Name That Bloated Floating Rodent?
A) And how!
B) I think I just threw up a little.
C) Isn’t that what husbands are for?
6) Have you ever wanted to raise your eyes heavenward and shriek “SNAKES! SNAKES IN A POOL!”?
C) Wait, you need a pool to do that?
7) Are your children running out of things to nag you about? Would your life feel more complete if they could chant, “Can we go swimming now? How about now? Now??”
A) It’s like you’re reading my mind.
B) That was almost funny. Still kind of deranged, though.
C) Isn’t that what husbands (and earplugs) are for?
8) Is there currently a disturbing lack of wet footprints, sodden items of clothing, and moldy towels adorning the floor of your house?
A) Dude, totally.
B) Just say no, dude. To all of that, AND the drugs.
C) Suddenly I am unsure both about the pool AND having children.
Tally your score:
* If your answers are mostly As, congratulations! You are totally ready to own a pool.
* If your answers are mostly Bs, congratulations! You are totally sane, and as such will never own a pool.
* If your answers are mostly Cs, well, I think I might like to have margaritas with you. Come on over! Did I mention we have a pool?