May 10, 2008 | What do I do all day?

Okay, so, the box is too wide to get a very good picture of it, but I was busy little beaver today.

Left to right, I’ve now got rosemary, banana peppers, flat-leaf parsley, two kinds of thyme, lemon basil, regular basil, lemon verbena, chocolate mint, and regular mint. And a whole bunch of pine straw. This is what happens when you’ve had just basil and rosemary plants, but VISIONS of an herb garden for a long time and then you happen upon a plant sale. I recommend approaching someone who works there with a $10 bill and a helpless look. “What are you looking for?” she asked. “Um, some herbs?” I said. She took good care of me.

(Yes, I know that banana peppers are not herbs. They were lonely.)

I am slowly filling the deck up with plants in containers. The betting pool is now open: How long will it take me to kill everything? (For the record, the strawberries are not only still alive, they’re blooming. Maybe my black thumb has mixed some metaphors and turned over a new leaf?)

May 5, 2008 | What do I do all day?, Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Ottomatic For the People

Yesterday Otto got a wild hair—and by “wild hair” I of course mean that he set out to do EXACTLY what he’d been telling me for two months he was going to do, but I was just sort of hoping ignoring him and practicing denial might stave off the inevitable—and declared it an Outside Work day.

We have a couple of acres, here, and the best part about it is that most of it is WOODS. Woods are awesome, because they’re shady, and they present lots of opportunities for your children to go out and muck around and turn over logs and find gross bugs, but BEST OF ALL, woods do not require mowing, digging, pruning, or other maintenance. They just sort of stand there.

Unfortunately, we also have a rather large garden plot across the front of the house, and then that whole area inside the fence back around the pool, and both areas are not unlike Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. There could totally be bobcats hiding in there, is all I’m saying. (more…)

March 10, 2008 | What do I do all day?, I'm dating the television

Well, it’s been a pretty wild weekend. Otto returns later today, and I still have some cleaning to do before he does. For example, I need to clear a path to the office, so that the DSL guys can come hook me up this afternoon.

Also, I need to hide the cookies. Oh! Wait—I already ate the cookies. Well, then! Once less thing to do.

Honestly, I had big plans for my weekend, what with the BEING ALL ALONE for two whole days, but in the end I remained the uneventful bore that I am. The only difference, really, was that without Otto here, I was free to watch as many stupid programs on TLC as I wanted without him making fun of me. And I do loves me some TLC trainwreck programming, it’s true. (more…)

March 4, 2008 | What do I do all day?, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Yesterday it was over 70 degrees here. Balmy! (Which is not the same as BLAMY, which is what I typed the first time, because I need more coffee.) I found myself fairly skipping through the daffodils (oh, yes—we have daffodils, dozens of them) and weaving ribbons in my hair with the help of cartoon bluebirds. Because THIS, this is what WEATHER SHOULD BE! It was warm and breezy and sunny and gorgeous, and I was totally willing to pretend that it wasn’t happening on the hind end of February when I have friends digging out of the snow up north.

I also opted to conveniently ignore the fact that apparently this will be a very small window of Perfect Weather; soon Pollen Season will be here, and after that, Insufferable Heat Season, which really doesn’t bother me as much as everyone says it should, because I prefer to think of it as Pool And Popsicle Season.

But when I put all of that together with the fact that I regularly have hot flashes, I have to concede that I’m sort of a weirdo. (more…)

February 22, 2008 | What do I do all day?, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Yes: Monkey was a gem at the dentist yesterday, and charmed the pants off of the entire staff. (Note: That’s hyperbole. I’m pretty sure everyone was still wearing pants when we left.)

No: Apparently our craptastic dental insurance will consider itself maxed out for the year as soon as we submit the orthodontist bill, which means we get to pay for all cleanings and anything else for the rest of the year. And by the way, the dentist recommends cleanings FOUR TIMES A YEAR for children with orthodontic devices.

Yes: It’s not snowing.

No: It’s 35 degrees out and pouring.

Yes: Chickadee wisely decided to get out her rain boots.

No: Flipper Foot strikes again; her worn-twice boots (purchased big! right before we moved!) are too small. Does anyone in town carry rain boots in her size? No. Go ahead, ASK ME HOW I KNOW THIS. (more…)

February 12, 2008 | What do I do all day?, Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Ottomatic For the People

I was working along, yesterday, quite happily. Mondays are always excellent work days—I’ve had just enough family togetherness to make those hours after everyone’s left the house feel serene and calm and full of possibility. I’m incredibly productive on Mondays. (It falls off during the week. By Friday? I’m useless.)

It has become my habit to do several hours of work in the morning before showering. If I’m going to be completely honest, I guess the truth is that I often work until lunchtime, then take a break to eat and shower and, you know, get dressed. Until then, I’m just here on my own, so what difference does it make?

Well, it makes a difference when I forget that the Bug Guy is coming. (more…)

February 1, 2008 | What do I do all day?

My father and stepmom go on a lot of really exciting vacations, you know. They’ve been to Africa on safari. Alaska. The Great Wall of China. The Mayan ruins. All sorts of places I may never get to go, but always each trip more exotic than the last.

(They tell me this is the advantage of working too hard all their lives and now being retired. I wouldn’t know, as the pension plan for freelance writers more or less dictates that you work until you die, or enjoy a nice vacation to your local 7-11, where you can go really wild and splurge on a Big Gulp.)

Anyway, I’m sure that you can understand—in light of their status as seasoned world travelers—why coming here is an unparalleled exercise in extravagance. (more…)

January 30, 2008 | What do I do all day?, Offspring: ecstasy and agony

I have just a few things I need to take care of today. I have work, cleaning, work, an interview, work, laundry, work, errands, and, OH YEAH, work.

So I decided to make soup. You know, because I wasn’t busy.

There is something primal, to me, about throwing things in a pot and letting them cook all day and turn into something you might actually want to eat. When I first came to Georgia it was approximately 110 degrees every single day, and I found myself looking forward to the winter so that I could start making soup again. I waited. And waited. And the kids were still going to school in shorts in November, and I realized that I should probably stop “waiting for winter” and just make some soup anyway.

Right now it’s about 32 degrees out, which is POSITIVELY ARCTIC by Georgia standards, so I think I’m good to go. (more…)

January 28, 2008 | What do I do all day?

Yesterday, we packed up the whole family and went to a big RV and camper show. It was An Event. Apparently this is some sort of rite of passage in Otto’s family, as they spent many summers camping and went to every RV show that came to town. I cannot be certain, of course, because Otto and I are not having any (more) kids, but I doubt that he would’ve been more excited to watch his first child being born than he was to sweep us all into the expo center and watch as we took in the rows and rows of shiny campers.

(Actually, strike that. This was significantly less messy than childbirth, even when you factor in Monkey eating fried chicken for lunch. So I’m gonna have to say that this was definitely MORE exciting for Otto than even a whole new human would be.)

Believe you me, it was a Very Exciting Day. (more…)

December 27, 2007 | What do I do all day?, Ottomatic For the People

In the same kitchen where two small children are playing Connect Four with wild abandon (and seeming obliviousness to the fact that this was a really cool toy when WE were kids), there are four adults.

Between the grown-ups, there are three computers, two cell phones, and a video camera in use. All at the same time.