Archive | Offspring: ecstasy and agony RSS feed for this section

Can of worms, ripped open

Life has been a little nutty ’round here, lately.

Um, not the “ZOMG Y’ALL I AM SO BUSY” kind of nutty. For one thing, I sort of hate that assertion on general principle, because isn’t EVERYONE busy? I mean, usually? When I have a lot of stuff to do, any spare moments I have for reflective thought tend to take the shape of “Did I remember to eat today?” and “Do I have any clean clothes to wear?” or even “Why do these children keep talking at me and expecting me to feed them?” Even if I had time, it would never occur to me to be convinced that I was eversomuchmorebusier than anyone else. Life is busy for 99.99999% of the population.

No, it’s been nutty more in the MANY FEELINGS and CHANGE IS HAAAARD and HOW DO I MAKE THE THINGS THAT NEED TO HAPPEN ACTUALLY HAPPEN kinds of ways. And while that last item falls, I guess, into the general “busy-ness” category, the other two are much more matters of “May I please be excused? My brain is full.” Only no one ever explained to me as a kid that adults are never excused no matter the fullness of their brains. So unfair. (more…)

Comments { 50 }

I can barely hear myself think…

… but that’s okay, because having a houseful of kids means I’m content, if slightly headache-y.

This is a busy work week for me, and the kids are off school. The deal is basically that as long as everyone stays out of my office, everyone is welcome to have friends over. This meant I was able to work most of today with only the dogs bugging me. By the time I was ready to get off the computer, it was time to figure out dinner (anyone else feel like they shouldn’t be obligated to feed anyone this week except on Thursday? … just me?) and dish up some semblance of a balanced meal to a table full of bottomless teens. (God bless Costco and the trillion-pound bag of frozen tortellini.)

The secret to surviving the noise is not such a secret—I love it when we’re the hang-out house. This week, especially. Come on over to Alpha Mom to find out why.

Comments { 2 }

The ongoing conversation…

I’ve been writing here for coming up on ten (!!) years, and I can still count my very favorite posts on a single hand. That means either that those posts are beyond stupendous and/or meaningful, or that a lot of what I write here is utter drivel. Let’s not think about it too hard.

One of incidents that will always hold a special place of combined hilarity and horror in my mind was detailed in this post from seven years ago wherein my darling daughter discovered that the human body is terrifying and disgusting.

A lot of time has passed, and I still ever-awkward in my sharing of Information I Think You Need when it comes to my kids. Probably they will never forgive me. Nevertheless, over at Alpha Mom I’m tackling the age-old topic of teenage dating, and yes, my children still wish I would just shut up, already.

Comments { 20 }

I love abandoning my children

Last night, Otto and I had a date night. AS PEOPLE DO. “People” being “people other than us,” usually, because we are not always so super-fantastic about that whole “nurture your couple relationship” thing. It’s not that we don’t love each other (we do!) or enjoy each other’s company (he’s my favorite!), it is just that we’re old and tired and outnumbered by the other three sentient creatures in our household.

We don’t go on a lot of dates, is my point. But we’re working on it, because I hear this rumor that someday my children might grow up and move out of the house. I’m skeptical, but it’s what I hear, so who knows. Should they ever leave, the idea is that Otto and I need to make sure we still like each other.

So, last night: Date night! On a THURSDAY! Like the wild and crazy folks we are. A date on a school night; it must be that we really, really, REALLY needed this time to reconnect and get romantic. Or that we had the chance to see Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood perform. Either way. (more…)

Comments { 21 }

The more you know!

As promised earlier, here’s a handy-dandy FAQ I made for you to help in getting through this season of fundraising with good cheer.

Hint: Be nice to the kids who come knocking on your door, even if you’re not buying anything.

Also: Can I interest you in some grapefruit…?

Comments { 12 }

A snippet to tide you over

A bit later today I’m going to have a super-useful piece up over at Alpha Mom—pinky swear—but in the meantime it occurs to me that I haven’t posted since last week, and sometimes that makes my father think that I am dead in a ditch somewhere.

(Hi, Dad! Not dead!)

Tuesday mornings are my favorite, because it’s the only morning when both kids have to get up and out around the same time. (It’s co-op day for Monkey. On regular homeschool days I just don’t bother getting him up until Chickadee leaves.) I love to eavesdrop on the two of them negotiating for counter space and such in the bathroom, because it seems to be the ONE time they consistently enjoy each other’s company. (I know. It’s weird.)

Overheard this morning:
Monkey: So you know how you used to have two kidneys?
Chickadee: I… STILL HAVE two kidneys…?
Monkey: Oh, yeah, well, I’ve been meaning to tell you something….

Later I reminded Chickie that people will come and go from her life, but her brother is forever. She kind of rolled her eyes, so I added, “There are worse people to be stuck with, you know.”

“I know,” she said. “… like you,” she added, with a smirk.

We were on our way to school, so I just slowed down a little and pushed her out of the car. I think that was fair.

Comments { 11 }

Happy Halloween! Everybody sing!

She’s just a bill, yeah she’s only a bill…

(more…)

Comments { 58 }

Seriously, quit it

Today I am tired of all the ways in which my family of special snowflakes is so extra snowflakey and specialish. Today I just want to be a regular family with regular issues and all of the same stuff that everyone deals with because half-grown humans are dealing with hormone poisoning and incomplete frontal lobes.

This means you get to delight in the one way in which our family is just like any other, and that means that over at Alpha Mom I’m helping you to clarify when you’re allowed to exist and when your teenager needs you to just stop it, seriously, GOD MOM.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to shopping for a Cloak of Invisibility.

Comments { 5 }

It turns out my life is dull

I don’t know if my life used to be more interesting than it is now, or if I just used to believe it to be more interesting. (Maybe don’t tell me. Allow me my fantasy that my life was once better than it is now.) I keep thinking, “I’ll write once something fascinating happens.” But guess what! I suppose this is middle age, yes? When you realize that your life is just not all that exciting…?

(To be fair, I actually had that epiphany over the weekend when Otto was watching Formula One and I plunked myself down on the couch next to him. The coverage cut to a new thermal imaging camera they’re using to show how hot the tires get on the track, and at the same time both of us went, “Ooooooooooh!” That was when I realized that what passes for excitement in your 40s is really nothing like what you imagined when you were younger. It was also when I realized that true love is also a far cry from what I once assumed.)

So until something thrilling happens (haaaa), you get snippets. (more…)

Comments { 68 }

Slacker? Genius? Smartass?

Back in the days of OH I COULD NEVER EVER HOMESCHOOL (haaaaaaaa!), my aversion to this idea was multi-pronged. Basically I was convinced that:
A) I am not patient enough to be my child’s main teacher.
B) Curriculum planning is probably hell on earth.
C) Spending all day, every day, with my child would strain our relationship.
D) Working and homeschooling are incompatible, even though I work from home.
E) There is not enough Excedrin in the world for this.

Spoiler: I was wrong. I mean, Excedrin comes in really, really big bottles (especially at Costco!), plus there are ways to deal with all of those other concerns. For example, we use virtual school classes, which means that my “curriculum planning” consists of going through the course catalog to pick classes, rather than actually writing syllabi. Also, when I need to get work done I just ignore Monkey for a while. Easy!

[As for patience, well, I still think I'm probably not patient enough, not really. But I'm a lot more patient than I was a few years back, which is just as good for me as it is for him. And when all else fails, there's that whole ignoring thing. Which I am totally joking about! Except not really.] (more…)

Comments { 26 }
Design by LEAP