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Still awkward

Today I am over at Five Full Plates, bragging about how I’m getting myself back into the fitness groove I loathe so much. It’s going surprisingly well, actually. I meant, except for the part where I nearly died. (I didn’t really nearly die. I just felt like I was going to. Because I’m a drama queen.)

Extra bonus unrelated story snippet: Part of Monkey’s accommodation at school is that he has a laptop so he can keyboard instead of writing. His laptop also has Internet. And Monkey spends a lot of time on his laptop, because he’s allowed to use it whenever he’s done with his work, and Speedy Gonzalez there is often sitting around waiting for his classmates to finish up. Well. I found out he’d been Googling me and reading the blog (really, I didn’t expect that to happen for a few years). So I emailed the teacher to ask that his Internet usage be monitored, and she assured me that it was, and I assured her that it was not, because he’d admitted to reading stuff he shouldn’t, and she got kind of defensive and said the school filters would prevent that, and I told her “yes, but I’m writer, and I write for an adult audience, and he’s apparently been reading me from school. And now you think I write porn, but really I don’t, I just would prefer he not read my writing… oh, God, the more I protest the worse this sounds.”

She… did not respond to that email. So when I sent Otto off to curriculum night last night, I yelled after him, “Please make sure she knows I don’t write porn for a living!” Yeah.

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Comments { 23 }

Brought to you by the letter P, for SQUIRREL

I’ve been mildly ill for, oh, I don’t know… a month? Close to a month. Just sort of generally crappy-feeling. Tired. Blecky. (That’s a scientific term, by the way.) Sore throat. And then this weird thing where biting down on my left side caused pain to shoot through my jaw and into my ear.

So I did the logical thing, which was to go see my doctor. Except not really; it took me a month to go see my doctor, during which time I just chewed on the right and complained a lot.

But after basically laying around like a dying swan for most of the weekend, Otto insisted I go to the doctor, so I did. I was beginning to suspect I had mono, actually, on account of the fact that I suffer from Munchausen’s By Internet. Because Kira had mono without realizing it and someday I hope to be as cool as she is. And in the meantime, I’m highly suggestible. (more…)

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Comments { 48 }

Just don’t say maverick

Well, I was really hoping to give you some sort of definitive THIS IS THE ANSWER sort of update after our latest appointment in regards to Chickadee’s skin, but I should’ve known it wouldn’t happen that way. I mean, we’ve been trying to figure out this rash for three years now; what’s the big hurry?

The good news is that we started out there seeing the doctor who was taking new patients, rather than the one it had been recommended we see. And after two appointments, we ended up seeing the recommended doctor because our regular doctor was unavailable. And apparently the fourth time’s the charm, because yesterday we saw the department head, Headguy. (For those keeping score at home, that means we’ve now seen every doctor they have.)

“When you come to me it’s because we’re tried the standard stuff and everyone else is stumped,” he said. I’d love to paint him as a brash egomaniac, because that would probably make a more interesting story, but really, he seemed pretty down-to-earth. At first, anyway. (more…)

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Comments { 45 }

Operator! Gimme a nickel!

I appreciate all of the commiseration on yesterday’s post. Misery truly does love company, and slogging through the tween/teen trenches is made a bit easier by knowing that many of you are dealing with similar issues. (Though I must say that my dad’s comment on my behavior at that age was a nice touch. Ahem.)

Thusly bolstered, I was ready to get back to Doing For Her Highness; specifically, I was ready to play another round of Medical Telephone on her behalf.

When we last left off in the rash saga, the New Specialist was leaning heavily towards a nickel allergy, even though Chickadee has already tested negative. New Specialist insisted we could order a nickel test kit for at-home use, for only $15, and we would soon have our answer. “Just put the patch on her and wait three days and tell us what happens!” She even gave us the phone number and item number of said kit. That sounded odd to me, but whatever. We told her we’d order the kit. (more…)

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Comments { 29 }

Today on “As the Rash Spreads”

It’s nearly July, in the third summer of my daughter’s Mystery Rash Saga, and we are still stumped. When we last left off, the doctors suspected sun allergy, but then in a follow-up phone call amended that to “maybe it’s just a sensitivity to chemical sunscreens.” We were instructed to ditch our old sunblock and buy only the kind that uses a physical barrier rather than a chemical one, and told that within a month we should see an improvement if one was going to happen. We dutifully replaced all of our cheap sunblock and crossed our fingers.

As soon as Chickadee finished the last round of Prednisone, the rash came back. Again. So I called our crack team of specialists, again, to say “Oh hi, my kid has been on Prednisone three times this summer already and not only have the effects on her personality been TOTALLY AWESOME, she’s actually still covered in a scaly rash, so hey, how about we try something else?”

So it was back to Atlanta today for another shot at deciphering the Mystery Of Itchy Girl. (more…)

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Comments { 38 }

Bad mood, dude

Today we went back to Emory for the second time, to talk about Chickadee’s mystery skin condition. (Pretend that I linked back to the previous relevant posts on this subject. That will also require pretending I am not typing this in the car on my teeny tiny piece of crap netbook, and also that I’m a lot more organized than I actually am. And also that I’m in a better mood, which I’m not, which is also sort of the point here.) You may recall—and we’re pretending I linked to the post about—they’d put her on a new medication and I thought it was working right up until she busted out in a fantastic rash (right on schedule!) and she had to go back on Prednisone.

So today we farmed Monkey out to some friends and Otto drove us into Atlanta because I HATE driving in Atlanta and we spent a couple of hours with our friendly neighborhood pediatric dermatological specialists, and they had some really interesting things to tell us now that they’ve had some time to think it all over.

And we’re looking for some ANSWERS here, preferably, so I was READY. For ANSWERS. So it was all very exciting. (more…)

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Comments { 45 }

Defiling nature

I would just like to apologize proactively to… uhhhh… well, I guess the entire state of South Carolina. I’m sorry.

But maybe that’s the wrong place to start. Where I should start is with this: Hey, for MONTHS we’ve been looking forward to this weekend’s camping trip! Yay! We load up approximately enough food, clothing and sundries to last us for a month in the desert, and then we drive a while and set up in the wilderness and then… sit around and read. (When Nerds Camp: The Boringness, coming soon to a really crappy theater near you!) But, see, camping is DIFFERENT than being at home, because it involves a lot of fresh air, and also popsicles. So you can see why it’s so exciting.

Plus we pack a couple of new toys for the dog, you know. So there’s that.

But this camping trip is destined to be a Very Special Event, because right now we’re really not fit for public consumption, and we’re going anyway, BY GOD. (more…)

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Comments { 24 }

The family that suffers together

So we’re just a few days into summer vacation, here, and so far it’s been a whole barrel of fun. If by “a whole barrel of fun” you mean “multiple trips to the pharmacy.”

Remember last year when Otto got poison ivy and then it got really, really bad and then he got MRSA? That was fun. Except not really. And so when he mysteriously got poison ivy again last week he was all, “Huh. I think I have poison ivy again. I wonder where that came from? Well, I guess I’ll use some of this cream I have left over from last time.”

Meanwhile I was throwing myself prostrate on the bathroom floor in front of him, going “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I CANNOT LIVE THROUGH YOU HAVING MRSA AGAIN, GO TO THE DOCTOR!”

Otto thought I was overreacting. But it turns out that I am something of a champion nag, and after a few days of me rending my garments he did, indeed, get himself over to his doctor, who took one look at him and—probably with last year’s episode in mind—put him on a massive course of steroids to fix him up. (more…)

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Comments { 22 }

Love takes a break

I have guilt. I have guilt over lots of things, but right now I’m talking about the guilt I feel whenever one of you pretty people feels compelled to comment “You’re such a good mom!” or something similar, because I know the truth, you see.

And the truth is not some sort of hipster self-deprecating “Oh no I’m not” thing where I just feel that it’s not edgy enough to cop to being a decent parent, either. I mean, I am a decent parent. Sometimes I’m a GREAT parent. But most of the time I’m a decent parent. And occasionally? I am a terrible parent.

The “you’re so awesome” accolades invariably seem to come within a day of me doing something cringeworthy and then I think to myself, “Lord, if only they knew.” But most of you do know, I suppose, because most of you are parents as well. And that means knowing that sometimes you say or do things of which you’re not proud, and often hoping that your children’s memories are short and their resilience is endless.

Right now our family is stressed out on several fronts, and that means I am not always the parent I want to be. (more…)

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Comments { 89 }

With $3 in my wallet

So today has been completely awesome so far. I knew that first thing this morning Chickadee had a pediatrician appointment, and I’d carefully arranged my day so that it wouldn’t be a problem. In fact, right around dinner last night I was feeling pretty proud of myself for having worked ahead and such so as to have a couple of hours to spare this morning without any difficulty. Yay, me!

Of course—as is typical the moment I’m feeling on top of things—hubris decided to smack me back down, hard. It started at bedtime last night. “Mom. Mooooooom!” Monkey dragged his way down the stairs, eyes dark hollows, nose running faster than he could chase it with a fistful of Kleenex. “I need some snuffly medicine. Please.” I gave him a decongestant and remarked on how allergy season has been really rough this Spring, but after three more trips downstairs and the grand finale of “Myyyy eeeeeeeeear!” and associated sobbing at 10:00 or so, I had to admit he was likely more sick than allergic.

Well, we were going to the ped, anyway. No problem! (more…)

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Comments { 47 }
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