Today is Christmas.
Yes. YES IT IS. Today is our little family Christmas, because tomorrow we get in the car for two days, and assuming that I allow the children to live until we get back up to New England, after that there will be the Big! Family! Christmas! and then Christmas with their dad and OH MY GOD I haven’t even started packing and there is so much to do and the laundry isn’t even done and I’m sure I’m forgetting something and tonight we are having Christmas here because I need a brief bit of “just us” time before we go.
Also, I refuse to schlep even more presents than necessary. Open your presents, kids! Like ’em? Great! Go put them away! Now it’s time to go!
I would sort of like to postpone Christmas, and traveling, until everyone is healthy again, but alas, I seem to have misplaced my magic watch.
But it will all be fine. It will. Absolutely fine. I am going to start packing—or maybe just running around the house in circles, screaming—in a couple of minutes, here. Why, just this morning Otto asked me if I thought we could fit all of our stuff into one small suitcase and my head actually spun ALL THE WAY AROUND. And then for some reason he suddenly needed to “go run some errands.” Huh.
Last night I alternated between working, putting together teacher gifts for today, and baking cookies. Did we NEED those cookies? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. Are you kidding me? Am I to be expected to hit the road without sustenance? Don’t get crazy, now. Also, I happen to know that Kira‘s molasses cookies are EXCELLENT bribes for whiny children. As well as a good reward for parents who put up with said children.
Okay, so, here’s what I need to do today before the kids get home from school:
1) Put away the laundry.
2) Take the laundry back out and pack it.
3) Wonder why I didn’t just pack before putting the laundry away.
4) Gather up all of the Christmas paraphernalia we need to bring with us (presents, stockings, etc.).
5) Assemble snacks for the car. (For us to eat in the car. The car itself will get antifreeze and gasoline, but no cookies.)
6) Go pick up my new glasses.
6a) Walk around declaring, “I can SEE! I can REALLY, REALLY SEE!” until no one can stand to be in the same room with me.
7) Find all of the cords I need for my computer and iPod and phone and such.
8) Clean the whole house.
9) Laugh and laugh and laugh about how I thought I was going to have time to clean the whole house.
10) Realize I am out of something crucial we need for the trip, like shampoo.
11) Have an argument with Otto about whether or not I could buy said critical item at our destination rather than freaking out about it now.
12) Pack car bags for the kids. (Stuff for them to do in the car. Not bags to put them in the car. Although, now that I think of it….)
13) Finish wrapping presents.
13a) Remember something I meant to buy but forgot, and freak out about it.
14) Do a week’s worth of work.
15) Laugh and laugh and laugh abut how I thought I could get a week’s worth of work done so that I wouldn’t have to work over Christmas.
16) Have a nervous breakdown.
17) Realize I have nothing to wear.
17a) Stomp around the house complaining about my big ass.
17b) Eat some cookies while wallowing.
17c) Completely fail to see the relationship between 17a and 17b.
18) Figure out what the hell we’re eating for our “Christmas” dinner, given that I have refused to buy any groceries this week and our current options are old lasagna, a single egg, or some mustard.
Wow. I feel SO FESTIVE already!
I think I need another cookie.