The entire world is reading Harry Potter, and I am stuck with THIS rattling around my brain: "I am not your missing piece. I am nobody's piece. I am my own piece. And even if I was somebody's missing piece I don't think I'd be yours!"
My dad and stepmom are in town for a brief visit. I know they're thrilled to be here, because I am a complete pleasure to be around these days. Fortunately, my children are pretty cute... and as any parent knows, once you have spawned, you pretty much cease to exist in the eyes of your own parents, anyway. Example 1: "You're too thin." "Yeah, ummm... LOOK! A naked white-tushied Monkey boy!" Example 2: "How are you doing, really?" "I'm... HEY, have you seen Chickadee riding her new bike, yet? CHICKIE!" (Etc.) And on account of the fact that I fed them "Summer Fare" for dinner last night...
The cupboard was bare. Somehow, we ran out of food... um... a while ago. Not completely, of course. But my usually well-stocked kitchen was down to the bare bones and I just hadn't gotten it together to get to the store. One by one, we ran out of staples. No milk. No bread. No american cheese slices. No yogurt. No (*gasp!*) pop-tarts. The situation was becoming dire. And I tried--lo, how I tried--to just convince the children to join me in my misery and adopt the all water-and-tums diet which I have been so enjoying. "Look!" I would exhort them. "This is a delicious ice cube, which was made...
Do I really have the right to say "take your finger out of your nose" to a child whom I've allowed to spend the entire morning watching cartoons in nothing but his underwear? Discuss.
I have spoken here, more than once, about how important I believe it is for kids to have structure and stability and routine. Particularly for my, uh, "challenging" child, who oftentimes acts out when her expectations are disrupted. So it made perfect sense to schedule a different activity every single freaking week for the entire Summer. (I don't do crack, I just play a crackhead on TV!) Yeah, it wouldn't have been my first choice in a perfect world. But between trips out of town and visits from grandparents and the various costs and restrictions of our care options, this is how it worked...
My children have left my care for the next eleven days. And while it is true that yesterday I warned them that if I had to listen to the "my potty is so warm and cuddly" song (punctuated throughout with shrieks of laughter) one more time I was going to chew off my own face in an effort to escape; and also true that just about an hour before they left I threatened to remove EVERY DAMN BOOK IN HERE from Chickadee's room for (repeated) mistreatment (again) of said books, going so far as to stride self-righteously down the hall with an armload of books while she trailed behind me wailing in...
The weekend has served to highlight that--as usual--my life is composed of blacks and whites, with nary a grey to be found. Why have happy mediums when you can just swing from joy to fury and back again, I say. It just keeps things interesting. I love: Beautiful summer days. I hate: 95 freaking degrees?! I think I'm dying. Well, okay, maybe not, but I'm certainly not cooking. Or mowing. Or moving at all, really. I love: Thinking to set up and fill the kiddie pool on Friday night, so we can use it all weekend. I hate: Being eaten by bugs in the dark. The water still being freezing cold...
I feel the need to point out--before I begin--that today is still a Good Day. In spite of what I'm about to tell you. Really. In fact, it's the overall Goodness of this day which allows me to view the following as fairly amusing, rather than horrifying. Have you ever been to The Mystery Spot? Fascinating place. Freaky, but very cool. Defies the laws of gravity, blah blah blah. There's a lesser known attraction gaining fame here on the east coast, you know. It's true. Similar, but completely different! And also, gooey! I am of course referring to The Mystery Nostril. Yes. I may have mentioned...
I hoped, and I wished, and I prayed. I offered up silent sacrifices befitting the huge favor I was pleading for with my mind. I told myself not to get my hopes up, not to get my heart set on what very well might not happen, and to be ready for the disappointment. As I live in a town of parents known to be pushy and unreasonable, I kept my desires to myself. I made no demands. I just... kept... hoping against hope that this one little sign of promise would play out in our favor. Today was the last day of school, and the manila envelope in Chickadee's backpack held a report card, several...