I used to be the kind of person who turned her nose up when a car was dirty or cluttered on the inside. Cars are not for accumulating fast food cups! Cars are sanctuaries! They should be clean and orderly and people should be able to get in and sit down without having to move a pile of trash to do so! And then I had children. They, apparently, exploded in my car. I've discussed before how my kids are weird little trash factories. Why does it still amaze me, the sheer volume of STUFF they leave in their wake? On Saturday morning I will load up the car with snacks and books and games and toys...
Just because Easter and associated hype and excitement and chocolate WEREN'T ENOUGH, we thought today, the next day, would be a good time to have Chickadee's last day as a 7-year-old. Just for fun. Or maybe the calendar just sort of worked out this way. Whatever. Also the child managed to lose a tooth this weekend, and decided to wait to give it to the tooth fairy until tonight. It's almost more excitement than I can handle. And tonight Chickadee admonished me to make sure I remember what she's like at seven, because today is my last chance. She's been referring to herself as eight for a...
Would you like to come over to my house and take a shower, or flush a toilet? You totally can, now. My filter is unclogged and my tanks have been pumped. (That sounds so much more fun than what actually happened....) It cost $1 less than what I paid for yard clean-up. So, if I'd known yesterday that this was going to happen, when Yard Guy pulled up on his tractor I would've been all "Okay, if you can do the whole acre for a dollar, I'm in!" But it's not MY trauma (or, more accurately, my bank account's trauma) that needs discussing. My children would like to warn others so that, perhaps,...
Today was my first day teaching math enrichment in Chickadee's class. Someone else actually handled the first session (last week) and had already caught me up on where they were and what should happen next and all of that. I arrived with plenty of time to spare so that I could set up our table, which is conveniently located right outside the cafeteria. Apparently studies have shown that children learn best in a noisy hallway! Our first unit (unfinished from last time) involved weighing packages on an ancient balance scale, so most of my prep time was spent trying to get it to read 0 for more...
Chickadee is fully recovered. I am grappling with some mix of virus and allergies which has my sinuses going completely haywire, resulting in a monster headache for most of my waking hours. Monkey's tolerance for... well... ANYTHING is plummetting rapidly, suggesting that he may be coming down with whatever this bug is. So naturally, being the bright and logical person I am, I thought it would be a great idea to schlep the entire gang over to Family Bingo Night at school yesterday. Because what could be better for a couple of kids than having to sit still at a table for a prolonged period of...
A handy guide to your convalescence, according to the wisdom of one of the world's foremost not-quite-eight-year-old melodramatic possible-hypochondriacs. Onset Be certain to fall ill in the evening after a long day. Your mother will be overworked and tired and acutely aware of the great big *smack* on the lips she gave you that morning before you got on the bus. Hahaha! It's always nice to start an illness with the ruining of an entire outfit, if you can manage it. Don't disrobe until you're asked if the plan is to marinate in it, and then simply hand the soiled items to the nearest maid....
I grew up in one of those obstinate climates where it often snowed in May, where the cloudy days stretched on forever (it sometimes seemed), and where the rare perfect day made it all seem worth it. I didn't know, at the time, that I was living in the Land of the Parenting Metaphor. Sometimes, you have days where it seems like a pat on the back is warranted. Just look! At my kids! They are SO WONDERFUL! Just don't forget your umbrella. So, I don't know if y'all know this, but I am the meanest mother on the planet. Do not even bother telling me that it's not so; that you hold the title or you...
My advisor in grad school would visibly cringe every time I declared "that sucks," which is (I confess) something that I seem to say quite often. One day he turned to me in exasperation and said, "Do you KNOW what the derivation of that expression is? I mean, do you UNDERSTAND to what you are referring?" I grinned at his obvious discomfort. He came from a background in linguistics and this was clearly killing him. "Yes, I am aware. But I believe current colloquial usage trumps the original evolution." "Well it makes me uncomfortable," he said. "I'm old enough to remember when that was an...
I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but Chickadee's therapist had the AUDACITY to go have a baby, leaving us therapist-less for a couple of months. I mean, there are back-up staff available in the event of an emergency. I'm not sure what would constitute an emergency, really. If she burned the house down? Or held up a fellow second-grader with a pair of safety scissors? Threw her brother down the stairs? Started reading cheesy romance novels? So, every now and then something happens and I'm left wondering if we're Having An Issue or if it's just coincidence or I'm overreacting or what....
