It occurs to me that my mind isn’t the only item that’s gone AWOL around here. If you spot any of the following, could you please return to me? I would offer a reward, but what could be more rewarding than my undying appreciation? Okay, fine. I’ll give you a cookie. Amongst the missing: My patience. The way to express to me that you love the dancing skeleton placemats and appreciate my having both purchased them on clearance last year and remembered to put them out this year is NOT to attempt to fill in all the little cut-out holes with bits of your breakfast. This results in you not...
Verily, I am a delicate flower. Stop laughing. My therapist seems to think I need to spend some time journaling about my strengths and the things I like about myself. And she didn't seem all that amused when I agreed, but asked what I would do after that. (What do you mean? she asked. Well, I said, since that's only going to take about thirty seconds....) It's a funny thing. When my children are wonderful, I give thanks to God. When they're demonic, I'm right there, ready to accept the responsibility and ample helping of guilt for being an inadequate mother. When things in my life go well,...
I'm having a day of retreat, reflection and general penance. I'm sorry that it's raining today. Monkey is on his first ever school field trip and I'm hoping the excitement of riding the big bus will outweigh the fact that he's likely to come home with pneumonia. I'm sorry that after an extended breakfast-time detailing of today's plans my daughter still felt it necessary to insist to school officials that I was picking her up today, necessitating a phone call home to verify that no, she is to take the bus. Mostly I'm sorry that I have so little grip on how to communicate with that child. I'm...
It should be impossible to be as cranky as I was, yesterday, for longer than a day. Theoretically, I mean. But as we've previously discussed, I am quite gifted. At least when it comes to spectacular bottoming-out of the moods. My funks may modify and adapt here and there, but I'm pretty good at the sustained grumpiness thing. So! This morning was spectacular. I don't even remember what happened. All I know is that one minute I was bellowing "EAT. YOUR. BREAK. FAST!" for the forty-seventh time, and the next thing I knew I was standing there with a little cup of Del Monte mandarin oranges in...
During church Pastor: You know how hard it is when you're learning to ride a bike? Monkey: Yeah! One time I was riding my bike and my wheel FELL OFF! Mama should FIX THAT! ... Pastor: This week marks the beginning of our annual stewardship campaign, so it's time to start thinking about your financial commitment for the coming year... Me: Let's see, 10% of nothing is, wait--don't tell me-- During fellowship Me: What? No, I haven't found a job yet. Thanks for asking. ... Me: What? No, the Family Festival falls on a weekend when I won't have the kids, so I probably won't be coming. ... Me:...
I love prednisone, yes, I really really do, because my leg, it very nearly looks like a leg, today. It doesn't even itch. See? Here I am, not scratching! Hurray! But, oh how I hate the prednisone. Hate hate HATE. The prednisone? It is opposed to sleeping. The prednisone says, let's stay awake a really long time so we can fully enjoy the mess we've made of your already precariously balanced emotions. Why waste this time sleeping, says the prednisone! There are things to regret! Things to worry about! Countless opportunities for feeling inadequate! Sleep is for people who like themselves! And...
So, the doctor told me that I could split up my daily dosages of prednisone into two or three sittings, if I liked, because it might be hard on my stomach. Naturally this caused me to pick up my prescriptions at Target and then stand there in the checkout line swallowing all five pills at once. Because, I don't know, for some crazy reason my priority is to make my leg stop swelling and itching, please, for the love of all that is holy. I came home and puttered around a bit, then fell face-first into my keyboard as a wave of exhaustion overtook me. Huh. Maybe the prednisone makes me sleepy?...
That denial thing sure was fun while it lasted. Did you know that it takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs? It's true. I know this because I am brilliant. Or because it says so on my Sorrento Trivia Stringster, because there is very little food in the house and I'm eating string cheese. 3,000 cows dying for football? That's just wrong. I protest! I shall go on an all-bacon diet in support of the bovine community. Because I care. It's raining, which is enough to put me in a funk under the best of circumstances. I should be delighted that it...
