This morning I dragged my children out of bed, nagged at them to hurry up, probably yelled at them during breakfast, threw my coat on over my pajamas, and finally got us out the door more or less on time. Half a block away from Monkey's school, I drove the car into the back of a very large dump truck. No, not on purpose. And we will all be fine, we will all be fine, we will all be fine; I have to keep saying that over and over and over in the hopes that it will somehow block out the flashbacks of the moment when I stood on the brakes, or the moment when I turned around and locked eyes with...
Yes indeed; some day, a rugged, handsome man with bulging pectorals will ride up on a white stallion. I will be standing there, gape-mouthed, probably wearing jeans and sporting several zits, and he will swing down off his steed and tower above me in all his glory. In one swift movement he will scoop me into his embrace and dip me low to the ground. His mouth will skim across my neck and come to rest just a hair's breadth above my ear. While I gasp for air and try to regain my wits, he will whisper tenderly, "I cut hair like Nick Arrojo, and have the perfect haircolor right here in my...
My plan was to embark on the next installment of How Can I Screw My Hair Up NOW? tonight, with a whole new attempt at coloring it without turning myself into Elvira, but I am too tired. I'm sure it will make a fascinating tale when I get around to it. I don't want to give TOO much away, but it will involve some fairly non-standard equipment, which will no doubt cause even greater misadventure than normal. What can I say; I'm a very slow learner. Instead I filled myself to the brim with leftover Chinese food and put on my jammies, and I'm now sitting in bed with my laptop and trying to stay...
Whatever you do, don't call yourself a MomWriter(TM) unless you have the fundage to back it up! Please read Joshilyn's excellent assessment of the imminent death of the MomWriters(TM) Yahoo! Group, particularly if you've ever been or were considering becoming a member. In the midst of the half-a-dozen other ways in which my life was blowing up yesterday, I couldn't organize my thoughts over this particular issue in any meaningful way, so I'll leave you to Joss' take on it, and add only: It sucks.
And I wish I could promise you A beautiful world That would never break your heart. Maybe that's what we are here for... We try and fix what comes apart. --"Love Takes the Best of You" by Catie Curtis I turned up the music LOUD on my way home tonight, trying to create so much noise that there would be no room left in my car or in my head for extraneous thought processes. It didn't work. I wanted to write something silly tonight, just to relax and giggle a little, but it appears that I don't have it in me right now. You've been warned. Every now and then I just hit the limit of my endurance,...
Tonight on Woulda Coulda Shoulda: Let's talk about puking! Cuz that's always a crowd-pleaser! I have a confession to make. I'm an emetaphobic. Well, I don't know if I truly qualify as phobic in the clinical sense. On the other hand, "I hate to vomit" really doesn't cover it, either. I hate to vomit AND I hate to deal with vomit AND I have a highly developed gag reflex. When my children get sick in that way, I cope with it, because I have to. I also have panic attacks and gag repeatedly while dealing with it. I live for the day when my children will be able to consistently aim when they have...
It's been kind of a long week. You know the sort of week where you have a million things going on and various sorts of angst over things you need to be handling and then you have half a dozen friends dealing with various things that make you say to yourself, "Self, it is about time to get over your own damn self because just LOOK at what these OTHER people are dealing with and not whining... well, okay, they ARE whining, and in fact whining TO ME, but they are ENTITLED, because they're dealing with serious things and really your little bits of anxiety over work or the imaginary deadly...
I know you're all relieved to know that I recovered from my Mechanical Difficulty of yesterday. Who knew the Swiffer CarpetFlick was so high-tech?? Not me. Of course, I am rather gifted when it comes to producing a STUPID_USER_ON_DEVICE error on almost any machine.... (Oh, my. It's been a long time since I made a nerdy engineering joke. I feel dirty.) Anyway, I was VERY EXCITED to use my new CarpetFlick once I figured out that it wasn't broken. Except that I had a bunch of other stuff to do today, like, I dunno, work, and try to get my daughter to confess to her latest misdeeds after I've...
