I remember when I first moved to Georgia and became acquainted with the fresh hell that is the palmetto bug (motto: we're too genteel to admit we're roaches!), at some point as I sat huddled in a corner, rocking back and forth and trying to find my happy place, I had this vaguely reassuring thought about how "at least they don't have those awful little house ants." You know the ones I'm talking about, right? Every summer in New England, there would be a beautiful morning when you would wake up, listen to the birds chirping, go downstairs, and discover that your entire kitchen was now covered...
I'm doing an experiment this summer, though saying it like that makes it sound like I'm being all official and science-y, when in reality I am just trying to embrace my inner sloth. Here it is: I'm trying not to work on the weekends. WEIRD, RIGHT?? I tend to suffer from a common affliction called "freelance creep;" sure, I sleep a little later on the weekends, but I find myself using those weekend days to catch up on things I somehow didn't finish during the week. It sounds innocuous, but then I find myself sitting at the computer for hours and I hear that just walking away from work for a...
3:01 AM: Huh. I appear to be awake. 3:03 AM: I'm still awake. Do I have to pee? Maybe I have to pee. I think I have to pee. But if I get up, then I'll never fall asleep again. 3:05 AM: I probably don't really have to pee. If I just lie here quietly I'm sure I'll fall back asleep. 3:10 AM: Do I have to pee? 3:15 AM: Does Otto snore this loud all the time and usually I'm asleep, or am I awake because JESUS CHRIST I AM SLEEPING WITH A LAWN MOWER? 3:16 AM: He's adorable when he's snoring, though. 3:17 AM: Do I have to pee? 3:18 AM: No, sure, fine, just keep on peacefully sleeping while I stare...
Hey, how about we don't talk about that thing. Or that other thing, either. Okay! Great! I've been spending a lot of time with my vegetables. Quality time, you understand. I pull grass up out of the boxes a blade or two at a time and marvel at the plants that flourish seemingly in spite of me and try to coax the puny ones back to vigor. It's very soothing. In the meantime, I can't help but notice how beautiful our big oak out back looks when reflected in the swampy murk that is currently the pool: If I were a deeper person I'd probably make a comment about seeing beauty even in what's...
Remember when Georgia was in a drought? And whenever it rained, people all but danced in the streets? Good times, man. Good times. Er, technically we are still in a drought. I don't know who decides this or how they determine that we are no longer... ummm... drought-y, but TECHNICALLY we are still in a drought. Even though it's been raining for upwards of a month, now. (It has not really been raining for a month. I mean, it has, but not continually. It just feels that way.) (Are you there, God? It's me, Mir. I would like my hair to stop being the size and style of a full-grown poodle perched...
"I'll take Mir and Otto's Adventures in Home Ownership for $200, Alex." "And the answer is: No." "I'm... sorry? That's the whole answer?" "Yes. The answer is No." "Okay. Um... what is Can we ever do a single, simple project around here without it turning into a complete clusterfuck?" "Correct! On the board!" "Yeah, screw you, Alex. Screw you AND your stupid board." So, um, I've decided to believe that the universe decided I really needed a distraction right about now. It's a gift, really. The gift of dumbfuckery, right here in our yard. WE ARE SO LUCKY, because trust me, it's been a...
Otto and I were having some quality time on the couch last night, by which I mean that we were each sitting there on our respective laptops while half web-surfing and half watching the news because WOW, the news last night, yeesh. Typical Friday night, in other words. (Uh, except for the fugitive in a boat part. That was not typical, just the part where we were on the couch. Obviously.) ANYWAY. I don't remember when I was doing online. Probably I was on Facebook; more specifically, probably I was on Facebook playing Scrabble. (According to Monkey, that's all I ever do, you know.) But Otto,...
New thing: Hey, uh, lollipops and unicorns to everyone who welcomed my debut on Alpha Mom so warmly yesterday. I was hoping for a modest showing and apparently there are a lot more marching band devotees out there than I realized. (As in, the word "viral" was used and I had a giddy moment of amazement.) It was a lovely, lovely way to start off a new gig, although I am kind of having palpitations over what I can write about next week that won't seem like a letdown, in comparison. Maybe I'll have to attend the Incendiary School Of Post Writing so favored by a number of outlets and follow up...
Okay, "wondrous" might be overselling it a bit. There are varying degrees of wondrous. Like, there's a whole spectrum of interesting that spans all the way from "truly wondrous" on down to "WTFness." And I will leave it to you to place the following along that continuum as needed. [Sidebar: Let us pause for a moment to acknowledge that anything you hear from me today or for the next several weeks will be completely allergy-addled. I woke up this morning and had to chisel my face open. For a few minutes I thought maybe I had pinkeye, but no, it's just regular ol' allergies. I guess....
