I know each and every one of you will be pleased and relieved to know that AFTER I'd gone BACK outside to water my flowers, yesterday, it proceeded to rain all day, today. Of course. Anyway. Today's tale is about the time I went to this house in the woods and the first porridge I tasted was too hot and the second was too cold and-- Wait. I don't ever break into people's houses in the woods. And I've never had porridge. But this is ALMOST as logical as that, I promise! And nobody's chair gets broken. And best of all? It's about my vagina! AGAIN!! So remember how, once upon a time, I battled...
I am pleased to report that the general state of health at Casa Mir appears to be on the upswing. I am not pleased to report that health = boring = dearth of interesting blogging, but really, I don't even need to report that, because you all already noticed. Oops. Sure, there are still plenty of things to worry about, and heaps of things making me tense or angry or stressed or sad or--OH MY GOD WHAT IS THE POINT OF GOING ON?? Ahem. Sorry. No, things are looking up! Yes! Truly. I've decided to focus on the good stuff for... ummm... an hour. If I do it for too long, I start to itch and break...
Have you seen the movie The Ring? I know how they could make it scarier. Cuz, I dunno, maybe I'm just weird, but I didn't find it all that scary. And I know people who claim it's the best horror film they've ever seen. To be fair, I suspect that most of those people spent the entire film staring into Naomi Watts' cleavage, but still. My cleavage is not nearly so impressive, but I still think I'm ripe for a remake with an even better plot twist. Okay, FINE. I'll wear my push-up bra. So, in my version of the movie, instead of watching some stupid video tape, the protagonist or whomever goes to...
Honestly, I don't even know where to start with this one. Except maybe it's with the standard vaginal disclaimer (not to be confused with vaginal discharge! haha!): I overshare. Lots. Turn back if you're squeamish. Or male. (Which is essentially the same thing.) Luckily for all of us, my father is on a big boat in the ocean somewhere out towards Alaska, so I don't even have to apologize to him every fourth line! (Not apologize for having a vagina, you understand. I'm pretty sure that's okay with him. It could be the talking about it in graphic detail with the entire internet that bugs him....
I am a grade-A certified control freak. So far as I know, there is not a diet that addresses this. Though that would be very cool. "Obsessive? Neurotic? Feeling the need to be in control of everything in your environment? Shed those pesky worries and watch the anxiety melt away as you feel more energetic than ever before! Just one shake for breakfast, one for lunch, and then a sensible dinner. You'll be feeling more easygoing in no time!" I suppose that plan already exists... if valium comes in shake form, that is. But I'm telling you I have combed all the stores around here with no luck in...
I was once in a particularly campy version of "Anything Goes," put on by a local community theatre group out in the boonies, where--I swear on my children's heads--I had to drive past a field full of sheep to get to rehearsal. These sheep were part of a research program at the local university. As part of whatever experiment was being visited upon these poor animals, it was necessary to demarcate them in a way more readily visible than conventional ear tagging. And so, I didn't just drive past any field of sheep on my way to rehearsal every night. I drove past a field full of pink and blue...
I used to do a regular Friday segment where folks could ask me questions and I did various combinations of truth and fiction in the answers. Then everyone and their cousin started doing it and I had been asked what my favorite book was four or five times and so I stopped doing it. But I kinda dug having a Friday "thing." So here's my stab at a new one. This will be the first in a series, unless, of course, I get bored or die or have something else really important happen next Friday that pre-empts the second installment. Anyway. Friday Flashbacks! See how there's alliteration? Two Fs in a...
I like the huge spike in readership that I experience when I talk about disgusting things that my body sometimes does. Hooboy, remember the hysterectomy era? Good times! I'm feeling nostalgic! And, well... frankly, I just don't feel as close to you as I used to. Remember the old days? Remember our romantic chats about granulation of the vaginal cuff? Those were precious bonding moments, people. So I know that you are deeply concerned about my current issues. Because, friends: I have issues. My first issue is that sometimes when I do one of two things, it has the potential to make a certain...
So, um, while I was busy huddling up and packing, I was also managing to stick my foot in my mouth over and over with various key people. It would've been a thing of beauty if, say, I was in some sort of contest to see how angry and annoyed I could make every person that came into contact with me without actually evoking a ballpoint pen to the eyeball from any of them. As it was, no one stuck anything in either of my eyes, but I developed a persistent ocular leak, nonetheless. I pondered the options for living a solitary life in the wilderness. The pros and cons would take some time to...
