It's started already. People are falling under the spell of the new me with my fabulous new glasses. Fame and fortune are within my grasp; as is utter humiliation. To wit: The scene is the church kitchen. Choir rehearsal has finished, and I am hiding in the kitchen sucking down a cup of coffee before it's time to go upstairs for the service. I'm chatting with a fellow choir member. We are having a deeply spiritual conversation about the relative merits of various coffee makers. Him: So yeah, it works pretty well, but it has one of those permanent filters, and so the coffee always tastes a...
The following is an actual exchange I had on the phone with my father this evening. Me: I'm glad you're feeling better. Maybe now you'll stop coughing up green stuff. Him: Yeah. If I'm gonna cough up green stuff, I want it to be large-denomination bills! See? I can't help it. And the kids never had a chance. Case in point: I present, for your consideration, Halloween of 2003. Chickadee was Madeline, right down to the red pageboy wig. Monkey was Buzz Lightyear, complete with inflatable wings that hindered his ability to walk through doorways. They were cute. They were adorable. They were...
I was organized today, on account of today I had to take Chickadee into The Big City for her bi-annual appointment with the fancy schmancy eye doctor. Now, I know I'm revealing myself for the country hick that I am when I say that any time I have to go down thataway I plan my entire day around it. I don't mind if you know how much I hate driving in (or even near) the city. I am many things, but I am not a particularly aggressive driver, and I am not fond of those who are. So, for me? Heading down to Boston takes a certain mindset. First off, I came home from the grocery store yesterday with...
Yeah. Um. I'm kinda hoping Jay gives us a slightly more upbeat topic for next month's contest. Despite the myriad of stories from which I struggled to choose just one example of my grappling with insanity (yes, just trust me, I had lots of choices), it would seem that my last post left a thick cloud of The Serious in here. And--believe it or not--having completed the piece, gotten it out of my head and off my computer, I am not in the mood for gloom. Time to lighten up. So! A riddle, of sorts. What do you do when you're at church, lining up with the choir, and are suddenly accosted by an...
I should not be surprised when the neighbor's dog pounces on Chickadee a week before school pictures and leaves a horrible-looking scratch down her cheek. Neither should I be surprised that--in retelling this story to a friend--I am laughed at for belaboring the photo angle just seconds after saying that a millimeter to the left and she would've lost her eye. Friday nights are hard. Sometimes they are unexpectedly made easier with Instant Messenger. I am going to hell. My children will allow me to sleep in on Saturdays, if by "sleep in" you mean "come tattle on one another relentlessly until...
I have angered the athropods. I have made one too many of their brethren go splat beneath my shoe, sucked up too many important members of their legions in my vacuum. Now? I am a marked woman. Pride should prevent me from relating the details of my wasp encounter earlier today, but since when has that ever stopped me? So. If you must know, I was outside mowing my lawn, and I guess I must have disturbed a nest when getting close to the bulkhead in the back. As I turned away from that spot, a wasp landed on my sock and stung my ankle. I flicked it off and ran around front (not knowing how many...
I'm supposed to be over at church, right now, watching a video presentation about "Bad Girls of the Bible." It's the first session of a new study group, and even women who won't be able to attend regularly (which I will not, because I am going to be working soon you know) were encouraged to come see this "meaningful and surprising" video. Bad girls, bad girls, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad girls, bad girls.... Guess why I'm not there. Go on! Guess! You might think it's because every time this particular bible study has been mentioned, every woman's head...
Today was an uneventful day; I got about two thirds of the way through my book before realizing that I've read it before. (Alas, poor brain cells... I barely knew ye.) My father took the kids outside and gave them rides on the tractor and then set them to work picking up scraps around the woodpile. Everything was going along smoothly. Then it happened. This afternoon, Monkey asked for a "Kira cookie." This will apparently be our household name for the most amazing molasses cookies on the face of the earth, which--courtesy of my beloved Kira--we have been happily gorging on since we embarked...
I'm feeling so touched, and so honored, and so popular. *sniffle* I've had my first troll! This is a sign that I am now a blogging great, right? Once you start engendering mindless hate, it's time to declare oneself successful...? Where should I deliver my humble speech about how I'd never imagined this much attention would come my way, and I'd like to thank all the little people? The place is all tidied up, now, but in fairness I did want to address this comment, as the commenter clearly worked very hard on it. In my Procreation Police entry, this genius commented that sterilizing stupid...
