This is me, going to bed early the night before my surgery. Whoops! Well, I was going to go to bed early. Really I was. I have to get up at, um, 5, I think, so as to have proper time to shower and shave anywhere that may need to be shaved because in spite of them only working on my boob I will doubtless be forced to don a hospital gown and have all my whathaveyou out flapping in the breeze (and for such an occasion, I violate my "I shave my legs once a month in the winter whether they need it or not" rule) and then arrive at the hospital early enough to change into said gown and sit around...
I was chatting online with a friend last night and she started... I don't even know what to call it. Berating me or complimenting me--depending on your point of view--on the fact that I post every day, and generally long entries, at that. I think this was brought on by her own "I should post but I don't have anything to say and I don't want to but I feel like I should" issues, but regardless. This is a conversation I've had before. Every now and then someone points to my posting habits as if I've stumbled upon the golden ticket. It bothers me for two reasons. First, it bothers me to think...
I... have a confession to make. I'm embarrassed, and I beg you to please be gentle with me as I come clean. I sometimes (okay; OFTEN) browse my local Craig's List for entertainment. It didn't start out that way. Originally, I was just perusing for writing gigs. Then I started reading "Best Of" and before I knew it, I was mainlining the very hardest stuff they have to offer--Missed Connections and Men Seeking Women. Somehow I'm convinced that founder Craig Newmark knew that it would work that way. First he offers a giant gathering place for every moron on the internet, then he makes it just...
See how I just run the gamut, like that? It's a gift! Emotions just run thither and yon, more quickly than you can say, "Hey, where the heck IS 'yon,' anyway?" Hope: You may have read about it elsewhere, and as usual I'm a day late (and probably a dollar short, but here, have this penny I just found in the couch). Swiffer is hosting the Amazing Women of the Year contest and nominations are open through March 6th. I have "met" some incredible women in the blogosphere and I am certainly hoping for one of my favorites to make the finals. I read on another blog where someone was annoyed that the...
Y'all are so nice. And pretty! So pretty! Thank you for indulging my tantrum yesterday, for a tantrum is what it was. I'm better now. I mean, yes, WAH WAH WAH I DON'T LIKE THIS, it sucks to be told that something is wrong but they don't know what or how to fix it. But in the grand scheme of things, I should shut up already. Because, basically, there are three possibilities: 1) I have something awful and/or terminal, in which case I am wasting this period of blissful ignorance with worrying when I should be either shopping or eating chocolate. 2) I have something fairly run-of-the-mill and...
It is time to sell my daughter to the gypsies, for she has officially reached the age where her toys are too complicated for me to figure out. I consider myself a reasonably intelligent human; I hold several degrees; I have been tying my own shoes for years. I have been bested by a pony. Chickadee was relying on me to make all clear, and I spent an hour with the directions and the knitting needles uttering useful things like "well THAT can't be right" and "the hand in the picture is doing something that I'm pretty sure is impossible unless you have more than the usual number of fingers."...
I realized that I forgot to share one of my favorite moments from our latke party, yesterday, and then I thought, "Oh well." Was I just going to throw a single line up here as a blog post? I could, but it would seem self-indulgent and whatnot (as opposed to the REST of what I write here... ha!) so I was ready to let it go. But THEN I just got SO LUCKY. Because a few more things came to my attention and I thought HEY, I could put all of these things together and they would still be complete non-sequitors but I could pretend like they were related. And they are, in the sense that they're...
In a little while we're off to go party like it's 2006. Woo! After we arrive my children will go run with a pack of feral minors, and I won't see them again until it's time to leave. I'll go hang out with the grown-ups, and charm folks with my habit of saying smooth things like "I have crabs! Crabs DIP! HAHAHA!" But it's REALLY good crab dip. I promise. It's served with squares of melba toast, which are merely a vehicle for getting the dip from the dish to your mouth. It's a scientific fact that when the melba toast runs out, it can be replaced with chips of cardboard and no one will even...
Sometimes I actually get it. If some teenager can ride all day on a donkey, 9 months pregnant, and then deliver her own baby in a stable and still consider it an amazing and wonderful thing... well, I guess I can set aside the less-than-perfect aspects of my own life and bask in the miracles around me. I mean, hell; being in a nice warm house free of dung is sort of the jackpot, in comparison, right off the bat. Add in not having to squeeze a messiah out of my nether regions, and my day really starts to look like a party pretty much no matter what. For one thing, I have a nice big bottle of...
