Ages 8 and up

By Mir
January 11, 2006

It is time to sell my daughter to the gypsies, for she has officially reached the age where her toys are too complicated for me to figure out.

I consider myself a reasonably intelligent human; I hold several degrees; I have been tying my own shoes for years.

I have been bested by a pony. Chickadee was relying on me to make all clear, and I spent an hour with the directions and the knitting needles uttering useful things like “well THAT can’t be right” and “the hand in the picture is doing something that I’m pretty sure is impossible unless you have more than the usual number of fingers.” Thankfully, she was a good sport about my stupidity.

Perhaps in an attempt to convince myself that I really am an adult, later in the evening I ended up having not one but MULTIPLE conversations about whether or not “size matters.” (With other adults, sicko. I won’t be having that conversation with my daughter for years, yet.) Because when you cannot triumph over a yarn pony, it’s time to spend a few hours contemplating penises. Apparently.

I had an incredibly busy (and in some ways, illuminating) day. And yet, this is all I have for you.

I am one big waste of brain cells, sometimes.


  1. Cele

    I use to threaten my daughter with Armond the Gypsy – she tells me she has fond memories of Armond. And she knits. You want me to send her to you?

  2. buffi

    She is learning to knit on a PONY?? SugarPlum got a learn to knit kit but I’m pretty sure it’s a scarf & I am totally intimidated by that. So if you or Chickadee or Cele’s daughter wants to come help, I’d appreciate the knitting support. Yipes.

  3. Crazed Mom of 4

    Hey, we all have those days! My Mom threatened to sell us to the Indians, which like a lot of Americans, we are part Indian (a little part.) I threaten my kids that I’m sending them back to the zoo where I got them.

  4. Scarlett LeAnn

    It takes me days just to write an entry or so it feels like it. So, don’t feel bad. You’re not the only one.

  5. Chickie

    It would probably be easier to get Chickadee a real pony and let it live in your garage.

  6. Katie

    But size does matter! hehe

    And wow, a knitted pony? I’m still overwhelmed at knitting two rectangles to make a poncho.

  7. Christy

    I clicked on the link to check out this dastardly pony. They lost me after the “begin to knit” part and I closed my browser.

    I feel your pain, sister.

  8. SaturnCat

    No, no. That’s not a kid’s toy, that’s a 3-D nightmare in pretty blue yarn. You are totally excused. Though, you can look at sending your kid(s) to the gypsies as a sort of diversity education program, if you want!

  9. Zuska

    …just as long as you didn’t contemplate adding a penis to the yarn pony. (You didn’t, did you?)

    I thought you were a knitter – no? Anyway, that same company makes these cute little “Learn to Sew” kits that my kids like. Of course, they are aimed at 5-year olds so even I can do them. But I think I’ll avoid their knitting kits, now.

  10. RockStar Mommy

    That’s not a toy, that’s a craft. And I hate when people buy my kids crafts as gifts for this exact reason. Did you buy it for her? If so, then hahahahahaha! But if it was someone else, they should be forced to come to your house and stay until they have helped make that damn thing!

  11. Stephanie

    I have been crocheting since birth, and I cannot knit 1, purl 2, or whatever you do after you cast on the stitches. How do you cast on the stitches again? Two needles? I’m fine with one, thanks. Oh, and I learned to crochet by making a washcloth. Who ever heard of learning by making a pony?

  12. Jenny

    Oh, the instructions and illustrations written in those damn craft kits are insane. At least you didn’t impale yourself on a needle in dismay.

  13. Nothing But Bonfires

    That girl holding the blue yarn pony looks way too self-satisfied. Her mother totally made it for her.

  14. Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife)

    Ha! If I had to attempt making that pony it would go fat, thin, fat, thin from head to tail…just like every other project I have ever tried to knit. Projects I could actually handle: Scrapbook a Pony, Bake a Pony, Type a Pony…

  15. Carol

    Did you buy it from that site? If so, that was your first mistake — mastermind toys. Ha! Dead giveaway.

    Secondly, *I* wouldn’t even attempt to knit a pony and I’ve been knitting for a couple of years now, lol. I see all sorts of increases and decreases — ai yi yi!

  16. Dwn

    I’m with Carol. Mastermind toys. Not a good omen.

    And of course size matters. You use #9 needles instead of #4, and you’re going to get a much smaller pony.

    Tee hee. Snicker.

  17. Theresa

    And you didn’t call ME to join in that discussion? I am hurt!

  18. Casey has some pretty good instructions (with good pictures) on learning how to knit – I used it when I was learning how to purl

  19. Shiz

    Damn pony.

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