Two items of mixed note for you this dreary, rainy Tuesday: 1) I got an email from the nice people at SHAPE magazine, letting me know that Woulda Coulda Shoulda was nominated in their first ever blog awards as one of the blogs that keep them happy and sane, and I should spread the word! And ask for votes! I'm losing in their poll (oh noes!) and I'm trying to care but failing. I mean, sure, um, yay? But this is some sort of healthy living thing, so I feel certain the nomination was a mistake in the first place. Also, I don't do the beg for votes thing. I'm just letting you know. Now let's all...
Every week I look forward to the weekend with ever-increasing fervor as the days march on. Because the week is so chaotic! And I'm so tired! And I cannot wait to sleep in and lie around the house and do nothing! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! You would think that after all these years of having even MORE stuff to do on the weekends, it would eventually occur to me that it's a fallacy. Weekends are a change of scene, sure, but half the time I don't get to sleep in, and even when I do, there's still kids to shuffle around and projects around the house and all sorts of other things that Need Doing....
It's Tuesday, so that means I'm over at Off Our Chests today. And---fair warning---today's post isn't for those of delicate constitution where saying the names of body parts is somehow alarming. I don't spend a lot of time discussing vaginas... I mean, no more than the average person (what, exactly, would be an "average" amount of time discussing vaginas...?), but today I am all about the lady flower. And I'm not holding back. Go check it out if you can stand some frank discussion. Because it's become quite clear you're not going to get it from today's product marketing campaigns (quelle...
Once upon a time, in a land long ago and far away (okay, fine, it was here, and it was last May; I may be exaggerating just a little, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?), my darling, sweet, beautiful, talented daughter signed up to be in the marching band this year. And lo it was VERY EXCITING, because being in the high school marching band as an eighth grader felt like a Really Big Deal, and she was excited, and we were excited for her, and we filled out and signed roughly three pounds of paperwork. Medical blah blah blah. Permission blah blah blah. Agree to the code of conduct blah blah blah. Deposit...
So far as Monkey is concerned, there are exactly two good reasons to go camping: 1) getting to play his Nintendo DS (which his mean, mean mother only lets him use on trips, lest his eyes glaze over and he and his console become one melded hybrid beeping creature), and 2) s'mores. While I don't understand the first item, I can see the s'mores love. What's not to like about s'mores? I myself have been known to set several marshmallows on fire at a time, all while lovingly explaining to my vegetarian, marshmallow-loving daughter exactly how they get gelatin. (She makes an exception for...
1) Monkey has a nasty sinus infection. I figured out that Monkey has a nasty sinus infection. On the way to the doctor this morning, Monkey piped up from the back seat: "Hey, I don't feel good." Then we did a little high-five, because YES! Other people, when they have sinus infections, they always realize they don't feel good! This is progress in our (sensorily-disordered) world. Yay!! 2) I was super productive today. I had a nap. 3) I've been granted a reprieve from the plague of teen attitude until at least tomorrow. I am grateful that my wonderful daughter loves marching band so much, and...
When you think about it, Otto's got a pretty tough row to hoe when it comes to our family. Despite my efforts, sometimes I'm sure it just can't help but feel like three against one. The kids and I were a unit for a long time before Otto joined us, and no matter how much they all love each other ("Awww, honey, if she's being an insufferable brat to you that means she's BONDED!"), the fact remains that sometimes I'm sure he still feels a little bit picked on. Of course, this might just be because the kids and I are jerks, and not have anything to do with our blended family status. It's hard to...
I continue to be a fount of all things smoooooth and awesome in my everyday life. As you would expect. Did I mention that back when I thought I'd 1) have two kids at the same public middle school and 2) would probably be spending a lot of time sucking up to the administration for services for my kid, I agreed to be an officer in our PTA for this year? Oh yes I did. Because no matter how many times I go through the "volunteer... hate everyone... hate myself... remember that I hate people in general... wonder what made me think I had time to volunteer in the first place... pray for the...
Lord, but it's been a good long time since I regaled you with a story about my lady-bits. I mean, lately it's been all I HAVE ANGST and MY KIDS HAVE ISSUES and IT TOOK 37 DAYS TO BUILD THIS STUPID FENCE, and---surprisingly!---this has left precious little time for in-depth discussions of the various ways in which I sometimes end up naked in front of strangers. Clearly my priorities are WAY out of whack. Needless to say, I live to serve you, my loyal audience. And given how long it's been and the fact that I wasn't due for a gynecological check-up, I went ahead and did the next best thing: I...
