May 25, 2006 | Retail Therapy

The wheels of bureaucracy continue to turn, albeit at the standard snail-like pace. I don’t really have an update for all of you pretty people who are joining me in shaking a fist in the air (or, alternatively, right in Ramon’s face), but things are moving. Do not celebrate just yet. I am heartened, however, that my insurance agent came to my house this evening his own damn self to take pictures in the basement. He is playing phone tag with the head adjustor muckity-muck, and now has pictures OF MY DRAIN (you know, the one with the BACKED UP WATER) to send along should they be needed.

In the meantime, Tales of the Dumpster to come next week! Also, feel free to come on over and rob my house (of all my rare and valuable… soggy cardboard boxes) any day I’ve got the bulkhead thrown open. I recommend wearing a breathing filtration system, though.
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April 23, 2006 | Retail Therapy

Once upon a time, all Americans were formally granted certain inalienable rights by the Declaration of Independence. Among those were life, liberty, and people sending you free stuff to try if you happen to have a website. I cannot even find the words to express my gratitude to our forefathers for toiling on our behalf to make these things so. But that’s probably because I’m too busy with the free stuff.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the nice folks over at BocaJava have launched a new line of premium coffees specifically for bloggers. I take my mooching reviewing responsibilities very seriously, so I know they’re going to be thrilled that I was one of the recipients of a coffee reviewer kit.
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April 11, 2006 | Retail Therapy

It’s all the fun of spending money without actually, you know, spending any of your money. What more could you want?

Two items for your consideration:

1) Although I’m still bitter that Grace didn’t make it past semi-finalist, you should go vote for the Swiffer Amazing Woman of the Year from amongst the finalists. The winner gets $5,000 for the charity of her choice, as well as fame, fortune, and a lot of Swiffer products. Go read about those ten amazing women and if you are not moved by their stories, check to see if you have a pulse.

2) The IRS has decided I am impoverished and should therefore get a pity refund. Naturally I am trying to act all tough and indifferent and “hey, dude, I totally wanted to eat all those ramen noodles” but on the inside I am doing a small watusi of glee. Necessity dictates that I shall be using the money for bills and groceries, mostly, but if I were to, say, set aside perhaps $100 of it for something unnecessary, what do you think I should spend it on?

April 3, 2006 | Retail Therapy

I’d like to thank everyone who chimed in on the previous post for both maintaining civility and proving that I’m not the only spiteful, overly emotional one in the bunch. Sometimes, immaturity loves company. That said, it is my intention to get to the bottom of my feelings and then, hopefully, dispose of them. Wasted energy. I have some work to do on myself and I’ll get it done… just consider the prior rant my little “But I don’t WANNA!” tantrum. I’m done now.

May I come out of the naughty corner? I promise to be good.

In fact, in my continuing quest to better know myself, I’ve been thinking about expenses, recently. I spend a lot of time obsessing about money. It’s a little hobby of mine. Less harmful than fire-eating but more annoying than, say, knitting. I’m just trying to strike the happy medium, you understand.
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March 15, 2006 | Retail Therapy

Everyone has things that they do to relieve stress, right? Me, I like to shop. But you know, if I shopped as often as I was stressed, I would be broke. Broker than I already am, I mean. Also my already cluttered house would fill up with stuff, I suppose. Like many, many pairs of pointy-toed shoes.

So, I often go shopping and come home empty-handed. Just because. But on busy days, I cannot just go out shopping. I can, however, use my beloved internet to do some virtual shopping! Online! In my pajamas! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Today I did a little online browsing at a store which I adore and may have also stolen borrowed some graphics from for the purposes of illustration. You know, the latest online retail craze is elaborate and irreverent descriptions to accompany items for sale. (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Check out woot! or Daily Zort.) I’d like to see that trend spread.
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February 4, 2006 | Retail Therapy

… dead things.

That you can eat.

On a dare.

While surfing around in boredom this evening, I found that special gift for the person who has everything. Or is very, very hungry. And non-discriminating.

Should they require something a little more portable and/or phallic, this is not only perfect, it’s deeply discounted.

My favorite part? Note: sorry, no returns on food unless truly defective. And you would know that with these items HOW…?

November 22, 2005 | Retail Therapy

The following is a paid announcement, in the sense that I accepted a $50 Best Buy gift card in exchange for my evaluation of a video clip. I am not the only blogger who was approached with this deal, and–to me–the terms were ones that I could live with. There are others who found the premise untenable, apparently. I’m not actually interested in bickering about THAT. Opinions are like… oh, you know. My understanding is that I’m encouraged to give my honest opinion, and that’s what I plan to do. Anyway.

I am surrounded by fevered children and popsicle wrappers and I am tired and cranky and during the only period of time today when I might’ve been able to sneak a nap, I sat at my computer waiting for a source to call me and the call never came (although once I tracked the person down, there were apologies, and I was professional about it instead of screaming “MY KID WAS UP PUKING ALL NIGHT AND I COULD’VE BEEN SLEEPING, BITCH!” which I thought was big of me, really), and in general I am just Not In A Good Mood.

But I’m willing to take some time out of my busy pity party for a bribe. Woo!
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November 19, 2005 | Retail Therapy

I am still here! Yes! Cranky and slow-moving, to be sure, but trucking right along.

There is a whole story I could tell today about how I very much hate HMOs, dislike the system of medical care in America in general, am really starting to despise my doctor’s practice in specific, and how I am confused and annoyed and tired of being jerked around, but… nevermind. God. I’m tired of complaining. (Take a look around. Consider for a moment the level my negativity has to reach before I tire of it. This is really saying something.)

So! Instead of telling you about how I had to go have my blood taken AGAIN for some more potentially useless tests, I will tell you about what I did on the way home, once I was fortified with a very large latte and a handful of Advil!
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November 9, 2005 | Retail Therapy

I feel the need to share this with all of you, since you were SO CONCERNED about my feet, taste and/or spending habits, earlier.

How do these grab you?

Does your answer change if I tell you that…
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November 6, 2005 | Retail Therapy

It’s that time of year, again!

No, not time to whine about raking the leaves. No, not time to start going to the mall. No, not even time to put your flannel sheets on the beds. (Well, if you live somewhere with winter, it IS time to do that. But that’s not what I’m talking about.)

It’s time to put together the shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. Yes, it’s time to buy all of that small crap from the Dollar Store and Christmas Tree Shops that your kids always want but you know will just end up underfoot and/or discarded; only now, you get to buy it for children who will actually appreciate it. (Or as a friend of mine was kind enough to point out–as I picked up some travel Chinese Checkers games–”Those marbles are all gonna end up in your carpet.” I reminded her that they were for shoeboxes, and she corrected herself to “Those marbles are all gonna end up in someone’s dirt floor.”)

Yep, it’s that time of year, and my inner child runneth over.
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