August 15, 2005 | Detritus

Have I mentioned lately how super-swell I think Joshilyn is? No? Well, she totally is.

She’s the sort of person who will totally let you overstay your welcome in her house, eat all of her food, wreck her plans, and blow zerberts on her children.

She’s the sort of person who will rescue fluffy kittens from trees and pet them (and you) when they (or you) are down but also make you snort your smoked salmon salad with a well-placed witty observation.

She’s the sort of person who will join in plugging a worthy cause and also auction both her work and her time just to help out a friend in need.

Read the whole story, then go bid. If Joshilyn’s auction doesn’t float your boat, you’re on CRACK; but there’s pages of folks to choose from, so you’re bound to see something you need. Plus, how often does anyone actually get the chance to rescue a kitten? Not very often. Do this, instead. You don’t even have to get out of your chair, and you could end up with something very cool in addition to the warm, fuzzy feeling you’ll get from Doing A Good Thing.

July 26, 2005 | Detritus

I need a vacation. And some sleep. But I. NEED. a vacation.

It just so happens I have a plane ticket! Yes! Isn’t that fortuitous?

Except that it isn’t, exactly, because this ticket I have is the Wrong Ticket. Not a Golden Ticket (we saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory today) or a ticket that will take me to somewhere exciting or even just to people who are willing to tolerate me. Nope. And of course, it’s a non-refundable ticket, because refundable ones cost eleventy trillion dollars, and this one only cost one of Monkey’s kidneys.

But! Non-refundable means I can pay a change fee (perhaps only equivalent to the sale of some plasma) and apply it towards a different ticket. A vacation ticket.

Did I mention, I need a vacation?
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May 20, 2005 | Detritus

Good news!

Fortified by the view of GAZILLIONS of those TINY swarming ants all over my garage door as I pulled in, I have located the missing ant traps. I carefully broke them apart and placed them equidistant around my home (read: I wrestled with the plastic disks until I ripped several of them in half, then flung them into every corner).

Then–just to be safe–I took out all the trash, cleaned the kitchen, and bleached the children.

I’d invite you in to admire everything, but I’ve decided not to open the door again until winter.

May 3, 2005 | Detritus

So, it occurred to me today that Mother’s Day is this weekend.

THIS weekend. As in the one that’s coming.

Good thing I was already way ahead in my planning! And had done… ummm… all of that… STUFF… that one does… for Mother’s Day! Yep! No worries, here! Alllllll taken care of! Hi Mom!

Does anyone want to guest blog for me while I just go run over to Hallmark for a minute…?
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April 17, 2005 | Detritus

1) When is the first official day of Spring in New England?
A) March 20th.
B) Opening day at Fenway.
C) Chickadee’s birthday.
D) Wait, they have Spring in New England?
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February 19, 2005 | Detritus

I have never been more proud to be female. Nothing says pride like a puppet.

P.S. Enjoy… I am in bed with tissues and orange juice and may not be out for a while.

February 11, 2005 | Detritus

Forgot to mention… yesterday’s rain had turned to snow by lunchtime. It started with snowflakes the size of golf balls before tapering down to something a bit less surreal. By the time I walked out of the office, it was a slushy yucky mess outside.

I started my car and got out again to brush off the snow and ice… whereupon I discovered my windshield wipers had both been pulled up to a 90 degree angle to the windshield. Both wipers stabbed skyward, rising up from snow-covered car like twin bayonets.

And beyond my car, extending down the row of parked vehicles… every single hood sported wipers sprung to attention. Was it a sign? Alien intervention? A giant magnet? A gang sign heralding the start of a turf war in the company parking lot? You know what they say… those gang members will pull up your windshield wipers while you’re inside working and then when you come out they’ll… ummmm… laugh at you.

February 10, 2005 | Detritus

According to yesterday’s forecast, we were to have 6 to 8 inches of snow by this morning.

It’s raining.

February 3, 2005 | Detritus

If one spends the entire day trying to clean up several years of accumulated clutter in one’s house, one will find oneself reaching a calm place where the idea of bagging it all up and throwing it away seems like a brilliant plan.

P.S. This might be the result of being high on cookie fumes. Further research may be warranted.

February 1, 2005 | Detritus

I deleted the previous post because I am uninterested in engaging in an interblog slugfest. I actually had no idea that the person in question reads my blog. What was meant to be a vent was quickly becoming a “he said/she said” thing and I have more important matters demanding my time and energy.

Now, let’s all get back to discussing my underwear.