Typing with one hand

By Mir
June 3, 2009
Category Detritus

Funny thing about taking a mini-vacation from your stress: It’s right there, waiting for you, when you get back. Hmph.

And so today I can only offer this COMPLETELY hypothetical question, inspired by someone else, someone who is NOT ME:

Have you ever actually pulled a muscle in your arm while attempting to get into your “slimming” bathing suit? And if so, clearly that’s an indictment of the suit, and neither your arm nor the ass the suit got momentarily snagged on, right?

I’m just curious. Because I’m a seeker of knowledge. Yes.


  1. Ann from Minnesota

    I don’t believe I ever pulled a muscle, but I vaguely remember the struggle to get such a suit on… God help the woman who has on the one piece, actually swims and gets the thing wet, and then has to pee. I believe the struggle to get the thing back on becomes twice as bad. Anyone else?

  2. liz

    That person you speak of, who is definitely not you, should consider legal action against the bathing suit. The bathing suit was clearly out to get that person.

  3. Tracy

    Oh wow….I believe that it could probably be a “class action” lawsuit. If you find an attorney that will represent “that person you speak of”, definitely not you, count me in only it wasn’t my arm but my neck. Same thing, right?

  4. Scottsdale Girl

    Those bastards are like WETSUITS. I had one such suit for exactly 0.2 seconds about 5 years ago and promptly gave it away. I hated it so much I wasn’t about to sell it. Really $120.00 GONE.

    These days I wear a tankini with a little skirty type bottom. No muss no fuss and no sprained appendages or pulled muscles.

    Did I answer your question?

  5. Tammy

    Absolutely. The thing to ask yourself in these situaions is: Would Alan Shore or Denny Crane take the case? If the answer is yes, you’ve got a winner.

    Denny Crane!

  6. Chris

    I can only assume this person is not the tiny size 4 of yourself and more the not-as-tiny size 14 of myself. If she is the tiny size 4 I say what the heck do you need a slimming suite for anyway? :)

  7. Chris

    or, rather suit. Slimming suite is an entirely different need!

  8. Amelia

    I was going to comment, “Of COURSE it’s an indictment of the suit. Did you really need to ask?”

    But then I read the comments. And now I just want Chris to send me some information about slimming suites. Because THAT is a concept I can really get behind.

    So to speak.

  9. feefifoto

    No, but I have… heard of… pulling a muscle straining to escape from a too-tight piece of clothing.

  10. Cheryl

    ummm – I have those “slimming” bathing suits too. Funny how they lull into a false sense of “slimness” and then – whammo – pulled muscle! I wore mine many, many times successfully – had no problems at all. Then, suddenly in Mexico – pulled muscle in back while trying to take off wet bathing suit. Oh well, the Margarita’s that my kind and caring hubby brought me kinda dulled the laughing sound I heard coming from him.

  11. Michelle

    Not on a bathing suit but on one of those full body shaper deals that squish you from your chest to your knees. It was pretty darn painful but the humiliation was almost as bad as the pain from the muscle. I’m small on top but curvy on the bottom so in an effort to get the top to fit the bottom was nearly impossible to get on. I think I had to practice Lamaze breathing so that I wouldn’t go into a full-blown, pass-out, panic attack when I couldn’t get the darn thing off. Thanks so much for reminding me. . .;)

  12. barbara

    The slimming ones are great, except my arm fat, thighs and knees all seem to bulge even more. That fat has to go SOMEWHERE.

    I plan to wear a full-body wetsuit, even if we’re only running through sprinklers.

  13. The Mother

    The good thing is, with your arm in a splint, you won’t have to to into the pool, and therefore have no need of a suit!

    Ingenious. Wish I’d thought of that.

  14. Kai

    Good lord yes I have. It was one of those miracle suits. I think the miracle is if you can get the darn thing off after it gets wet!

  15. Karishma

    oh, dastardly suit. i have, in fact, pulled a muscle in my arm while brushing my (admittedly difficult) hair. i’m not quite sure what that says.

  16. bob

    I KNOW this wasn’t you, because you don’t have a need for a slimming swimsuit. Therefore, I don’t have to worry about you having a hurt arm.

    as for your hypothetical friend, well, we were made in all shapes and sizes and I’m sure she is fine just as she is. She should just pitch the swimsuit in the bin and sue jenny craig.

  17. MisaGracie

    Does throwing your back out count as pulling a muscle?

    Because if so, then yes.

    It was horrific and my husband had to come in and help me because I was stuck with the suit half-on my kiester and half rolled into a tightly-wound eggroll like shape that was stuck mid-thigh. He tried not to laugh as he lowered me onto our bed so I could gather my composure and try to relax so that my back would again function properly, if painfully, enough to get to the doctor.

    It was horrid.

  18. Melissa

    Thank goodness it’s not just me. I thought I was Lycra-impaired. Now I know it’s a conspiracy!

  19. Nelson's Mama

    Ahem, Ann from Minnesota. Guess the old pull to the side maneuver is a Southern girl thing.

  20. bonuela

    I am the daughter of a man who broke his foot while cotton swabbing his ear. I can’t imagine what “miracle” clothing would do to my family. ;-p

  21. Love Coach Rinatta

    Dear Mir, please forgive me. I am so sorry you are hurt :(, but I died laughing while reading your post and the comments.

  22. SoMo

    I never pulled a muscle, but I have needed help before. *sigh*

    I avoided getting into a swimsuit this pass vacation, because being 7.5 mos pregnant and wiggling into a maternity suit was something even I didn’t want to see. *shivers*

  23. Aimee

    I was thinking of getting a suit like that, but after reading about the MANY injuries and pending class action, I think I’ll pass and stick with the BetterU program and my old tankini.

  24. Kristin

    No, but I’m fairly sure I bruised my ribs with the knockoff Spanx I recently wore under a bridesmaid dress. Puppies, unicorns, chocolate, wine, charming Italian men and a bucket of money all combined cannot compare to the feeling of bliss that washed over me when I finally took the damn thing off.

    I’ve contemplated burning it ritually in the back yard.

  25. sarah

    A peeing tip for one-piece suits: Just pull the suit aside down there- no need to take the whole thing off.

    Sorry, just couldn’t pass that first comment. Hilarious!

  26. Jane

    tee he heheheheheh
    that does not sound good.

  27. Jamie AZ

    That’s a hilarious thought! Of course, not to the person it happened to, I’m sure. Must have been poor suit construction.

  28. Flea

    Wow. So Chickie wears a slimming bathing suit> Whoda thunk it?

    My Maybelline is typing with one hand, and that one her left, for falling while skating. Tell Chickie next time it needs to be more dramatic. And involve an ER.

  29. Nicole in WI

    I haven’t done that with a suit, but I did throw my shoulder out picking up my purse! At work! In front of MANY PEOPLE! Yeah, that was fun. So, nothing surprises me anymore. Like the time I threw out my back getting money from the ATM, while sitting IN MY CAR!

  30. Sheila

    The person who is not you should talk to the person who is not me. She would tell your person about the time she was trapped in a department store dressing room with her arms locked over her head while the body shaper she was trying on nearly suffocated her after becoming stuck half way through the Pull Garment Up From the Knees and Slide Overhead Remover Maneuver.

    I, er… that gal was THIS CLOSE to calling out to total fitting room strangers for help. In my underwear. With a body shaper squeezing her from ribs to chin and arms bound up against her ears. That gal totally understands how a pulled muscle could happen.

  31. Sheila

    I mean in HER underwear. You know, the person who is not me.


  32. Little Bird

    Try Spanx. While all dolled up. And then need to pee. At the theatre. Not the movie theatre, the THEATRE. One needs WAY more space to… adjust… than a tiny public bathroom stall.

  33. can'tsay

    My goodness, y’all are heelarious. There are crotchless shapers. If you’re worried about the crotchless part, wear cotton panties over them. Once on, once off, all day long.

  34. Donna

    This post and comments are too funny. I have no experience with slimming bathing suits, but I once got completely stuck in a dress in a Kohl’s dressing room. It seemed to go on easy enough, and looked fine on, but I could NOT get the thing back off. Why was there no zipper?!? I tried and panicked for quite some time, and finally had to go find a nearby sales associate and ask her to come pull the dress over my head! Sooo embarrassing!

  35. Chuck

    You know, this is one of those posts where it’s something like “I’m glad I have never had to deal with that issue, but I have NO idea on what to say.” Good preparation for a future relationship, I guess.

  36. Jennifer

    I’m crying from the comments and from another “not me” experience with fake spanx. I – I mean she – was wrestling them on, started to lose her balance while knees were locked together by the INSANE squish-ablity of the fabric, thought for sure she was about to fall and bash her head into the toilet or some other bathroom surface only to have the ambulance have to come, see her tangled up with towels, bathmat and fake spanx and would then would probably make the front page of our small town paper! You KNOW the old men at the donut shop would’ve had a FIELD DAY with that one. The “not me” person then started laughing/crying and finally laid down on the bathroom floor to try to avoid a scene….traumatic!

  37. mama speak

    That is why I wear a non-shaping skirt & tankini. I’m a mom & I’m not the neighborhood MILF, I’m over it, so it’s ok. A slimming suit is not going to change that.

    The only reason I even wear a suit at all is because I swore I wouldn’t give my girls MY body issues, they have to make up their own. AND my youngest still needs adult supervision in the pool. Plus, you know the whole tan fat vs. white fat thing…

  38. Sara

    I’ve never injured myself on a bathsuit, but I have gotten stuck in clothes while trying them on at my fav thrift store. It has no dressing rooms so you have to try stuff on over your clothes. Yikes!

  39. emily

    No, but I had a similar experience today trying on a slimming shirt. Getting it on was ok, but getting it off I was worried about ripping it (trying it out in the store) and fearing my arm muscles weren’t up to the task. I mean, slimming is good, maybe we need to go back to corsets?

  40. Cele

    And even worse if you get it one, then get wet, you will never get it off without losing skin and all ten nails. After senility has set in (three days later) and it all seemed like a strange (okay, painfully strange) dream, someone shows you pictures and you realize the only place it slimmed was right under your breast… where you are naturally smaller any way. Oh bosh!

  41. Karen

    Why yes… absolutely I know of someone who did that very thing.. only it was actually her NECK muscle… and it was very painful… both the “slimming suit” and the neckpain aftermath.

  42. Brigitte

    I’ve strained a thumb with such garments, and ripped a hole or two in the clothes when my thumnail is long enough. FORGET IT if the garment is wet, I just use Sarah’s method (above)!

  43. Jessica

    LOLOL I pulled a muscled putting my bra on one day!


  44. Katie in MA

    Hypothetically speaking, I think this person (WhoIsNotYou) should spend some time recovering by browsing the online sales. Surely mouse-clicking can’t strain the remaining limb too much?

  45. MomCat

    Yeah, I have. Also with a sports bra. And a ‘slimming’ dress. Lycra/spandex is out to get me.

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