September 30, 2008 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

Our weekday mornings ’round here are pretty typical: I am up first, checking email and pouring milk, and the kids eventually make their way downstairs and get themselves situated with breakfast, and finally Otto emerges from the shower and joins them at the table while I finish up packing lunches.

The kids and I will often chat about various minutiae while this is going on, and then Otto will either join in or read the paper, depending on how awake he’s feeling.

It’s not a bad way to start a day, all in all. I mean, sure, about 20% of the time the children end up having some sort of squabble (see: Yesterday, also known as “the day my son decided my daughter was hiding a book from him just to be spiteful,” or “the day I couldn’t figure out if my daughter was hiding a book from my son just to be spiteful,” or “the morning both children ended up crying over a book that is probably jammed in the sofa cushions”), but most of the time it works out fine. (more…)

September 29, 2008 | Health is overrated, It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

I miss the olden times.

Oh, not the REALLY olden times, like when you ate what you grew or killed yourself, because that seems fairly messy and also girls weren’t allowed to wear pants. That just seems like a drag. But I mean the halcyon days of middle America when every modern invention was fabulous and nobody knew or cared that it might not exactly be good for you. Sugar cereal? YUM YUM! Canned veggies with cups of salt in ‘em? DELICIOUS!

And as for things like medications… well, if your kid had allergies or whatever, you didn’t have to get special medicine for it. Silly! You just gave them a spoonful of cod liver oil or honey or maybe you gave him a shot of brandy, I DON’T KNOW, but it all just seems like it was a lot easier. (more…)

September 27, 2008 | Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Job? Huh?

I only watched half of the debate last night. The second half. I tried not to, because I knew it was just going to infuriate me, but then I couldn’t stay away. Guess what? It infuriated me! Go figure!

They’re having a little problem with my section over at Scholastic, and I just discovered that my last two reviews aren’t listed on the main page, although they are, in fact, there. So in case you want a little antidote to last night’s lunacy—in the form of kid-sized politics—I’ve got you covered.

Last week, we read LaRue for Mayor. And this week, we read Otto Runs for President.

(Both books, incidentally, were less ridiculous than last night’s debate!)

September 26, 2008 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony

My favorite overused joke is about how once Chickadee becomes a teenager, it’s either military boarding school (for her) or the Witness Protection Program (for me). I still feel woefully ill-equipped to handle a teenager, but I guess I’ll be getting one in a few years whether I’m ready or not.

The thing is, though, everything’s a moving target. I remember having one of those deep, philosophical conversations, once, with a mentor who was already a senior citizen when I was in college. “I think about it, now,” I said, “and 50 or 60 seems really OLD, to me. But maybe that’s because I’m 20. Maybe when I’m 30, I’ll see 70 as old. And when I’m 40, 80. Do you ever FEEL old or does it keep shifting like that?” He assured me that the “scary old” age just keeps moving forward as you age (and at least so far in my experience, that’s been true).

So, really, maybe I needn’t worry. Maybe by the time we get there, it’ll be okay. I’ve certainly figured out lots of things I never expected, so far. (more…)

September 25, 2008 | The Year of Living Changerously

There’s an interesting study to be made of my decorating choices in my first marriage and the different sorts of items I place importance on, now, in this home. Everyone I know goes through that phase in early adulthood where you don’t so much “decorate” as “scavenge,” of course, but even once the money was there to be more deliberate about our furnishings, oh, what a different person I was back then.

Our dining room set was… sturdy. Yes. Oak, mostly. Official-looking. We rarely used it. The price was excellent, as I recall, and I talked about reupholstering the (uncomfortable) chairs at some point, but I never did it, even though we owned that set for many years. It weighed a ton. And although I had a few pangs of guilt about selling it before I moved—it had been a housewarming purchase from my parents—mostly I was relieved to be rid of it. (more…)

September 24, 2008 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Ottomatic For the People, The Year of Living Changerously

Otto is a man of relatively few words when it comes to feelings. It’s not that he doesn’t HAVE them, or even that he won’t talk ABOUT them, if pressed, but despite his penchant for a good story, he is somewhat taciturn when it comes to attempting to quantify the changes of the last year-and-change. If, for example, you ask him what the biggest difference is? He will most often recall (usually while being bedtime-tackled by both kids, who are vying for the best hugging position) how in the beginning I would say, “Okay, kids, go say goodnight to Otto,” and Monkey would go give him a hug and say goodnight, yes; but Chickadee would stand in the doorway—arms crossed over her chest, chin jutting in defiance—and deadpan, “Goodnight to Otto,” before stomping upstairs.

And that was fine, of course, and serves as a great memory to remind us of how far we’ve come. Now when Otto gets home in the evenings WOE BETIDE HIM if he dares to hug or kiss me, first. “NO NO! HUG MEEEEEE!” she squeals, hanging from his shirt. “SAY HELLO TO MEEEEEE!” It’s a pity they haven’t warmed up to each other, no? (more…)

September 23, 2008 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Before starting this off I’d like to take a minute, again, to thank each and every one of you who bid on my Wii auction to benefit my kids’ school. I really thought, when I put that post up, that I might very well end up with $20 and a hearty smack to the forehead (my own, for being dumb, you see), so it really warmed my heart that y’all were so generous.

Also, our PTA president specifically asked me to pass along her thanks, as well, which was very nice because I am still feeling a little overwhelmed with the new knowledge that the entire group is apparently reading my blog now. *waving weakly*

With that, I give you our GORGEOUS winner: Naomi, who is also half of the duo behind Rock-N-Tot. Naomi totally proved her rockstar cred by bidding $375, and our little Title 1 school will be receiving every dollar of her bid. Thank you so much, Naomi! You are SUPER PRETTY! (more…)

September 22, 2008 | Friends, Haven't been hit by lightning yet!, Job? Huh?

Remember back about a year ago, when I was all “I am so looooooonely here! I love my husband but I have no giiiiiiiirlfriends! Woe is meeeeeeee!”? Remember that?

Yeah, me neither. Lord, what a difference a year makes.

Yesterday I had a local signing for Sleep Is for the Weak, and I don’t know if you’ve ever been to Athens, but this is a town with many fine offerings in cuisine, music, cultural events, etc. In other words, many folks have better things to do with their Sunday afternoons than to pick up an anthology about parenthood and have it signed by one of the twenty-three contributing authors. I’m just sayin’. And yet, for an hour and a half there was a steady stream of folks—who bought almost all the available stock (I think there were three copies left, at the end)—because so many pretty, pretty friends of mine came out to show their support.

Did I mention how pretty they are? (more…)

September 21, 2008 | Detritus

Oh my goodness. You people are NUTS. I mean, I mean that in the best possible way. Like, gorgeous, generous and oh-by-the-way, INSANE. The current high bid on the Wii to benefit my kids’ school is $375 as of this writing. Which is crazy. And I thank EVERYONE who has bid so far so, SO much. You still have until nearly midnight tomorrow if you’ve been smoking a particularly large amount of crack and want to bid even HIGHER, which gets you the Wii, a copy of Sleep Is for the Weak, and the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing you’ve really made a difference for a school in need.

And speaking of that little book thing, I’m doing a signing today at the Athens, GA Borders on Alps Road at 1:00 p.m. Come on over! I will not be auctioning any Wiis there, but I will be signing books and giving out Eco-Libris stickers and maybe telling embarrassing stories. Which is pretty much what I do here, every day (the embarrassing stories part, anyway), but it’ll be EVEN MORE GREAT because of that whole socially awkward thing. Yes. I hope to see some of you there!

September 19, 2008 | Offspring: ecstasy and agony, Retail Therapy

So. Um. Hi! It turns out that the whole thing where my kids wanted to win a Wii and I acted like “Hey, what a great idea, good luck with that!” so as to cover up the fact that I had ALREADY purchased a Wii for them—designed to be a Big! Exciting! Unexpected! Christmas present—has totally bitten me on the ass.

Surprise!

Yep. Some of you already guessed it, though I just found out yesterday: They won the Wii.

Now, there was a long conversation amongst the PTA about what this MEANS and whether it’s FAIR and while I know some of you have differing opinions, I just have to ask you to trust me when I say that it has been discussed TO DEATH and determined to be okay by everyone. My Christmas plans are hosed but Chickadee really worked for this (including hitting up teachers for donations, the little capitalist). (more…)