I'm the big meanie who insists on regular, early bedtimes, because SOME children I know tend to be EXTREMELY CRANKY when they don't get enough sleep. And I find school mornings challenging enough without having to pry people out of bed while they complain that they're far too tired to get up. It's enough to get everyone to pack up their bags and remember their lunches and change their socks (don't ask, seriously), so bedtime is sacred. Except that the last couple of weeks have pretty much sucked mightily. Certain excretory substances we won't discuss in polite company are hitting oscillating...
I took Monkey in for an eye exam yesterday, due to my lightning fast reaction time and the fact that I've been worried about his vision for a few months, now. (In my defense, we were also waiting on some changes to our health insurance coverage to kick in, plus the holiday travel kind of screwed up everything in the entire world.) (Yes, everything. That plant of yours that died? Totally the fault of our recent trip. I apologize.) The optometrist was a kindly older gentleman who couldn't have been a day over 95. I don't really know what it is about optometry that makes a man keep working at...
When I was growing up, I loved nothing so much as those cheesy after-school specials which always ended with a Very Important Lesson of one kind or another. Sometimes the lesson was that you should stay away from drugs, because drugs kill. Other times the lesson was that running away from home doesn't solve anything. And often, the lesson was that if it's hot enough out to fry an egg on the sidewalk, it's also hot enough to fry your dog's brain. Oh, wait. That was just a commercial. Whatever. You get the idea. Similarly, whenever I did something boneheaded as a child, I always looked forward...
Whoops! I really didn't mean to leave a depressing post up here and then disappear, it's just that I seem to have misplaced my Wednesday, somehow. Has anyone seen it? I'd sort of like it back. If it's not too much trouble. My week has largely been eaten up by one of the most terrifying beasts out there, one so huge, so imposing, that many dare not utter its name. I laugh in the face of danger, though (okay, who am I kidding---more like I yell in the face of danger), so I shall speak it loud and clear: We have been under attack from the dreaded Science Fair Project. It was due today, and yes,...
I haven't talked about Chickadee's friend Nightingale this year, because somehow they've gone from being BFFs to just plain having a terrible time with each other. Glee at being reunited after a long, hard summer quickly turned into Chickadee coming home in a foul mood, sniping at everyone, and eventually dissolving into tears and relating some story that would involve Nightingale either taking something from her or demanding something, and then taunting her about it until Chickie tattled, at which point Nightingale would be furious with her. I talked to her mom a couple of times, trying to...
Dear Monkey, I have to tell you something. I have to tell you that I'm sorry; the timing of your birthday is less than ideal, for a number of reasons. Everyone is still away on vacation or just getting back and recovering. You often get gypped out of gifts by those who claim your Christmas present is also for your birthday. Some people just plain forget, in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. And then there's me. All I want, come January, is to resume Life As Normal. The holidays have worn me out and I am craving a return to the mundane. I probably don't greet the task of whipping...
It has become a running joke in our household that if you want something specific, you have to ask for it. Specifically. Like, saying "Go get ready for bed" sure SEEMS straightforward enough, but for children who are distractible and/or who suffer from selective hearing, that may simply not be enough information. Because, really, "Go get ready for bed," MIGHT mean "Go upstairs and sit in the middle of your floor half-dressed and read a book." Or it might mean, "Go upstairs and make a big mess." Or one could argue that it means, "Go upstairs and put on your pajamas and then remember that you...
Yesterday I could not post, for lo, I was busy SEETHING. And also shaking my fist at the sky. And ranting on Facebook about the seething and the fist-shaking. And also eating a bagel. And later, baking cookies. (Rage requires extra carbs!) Remember this little issue where my school district is spending a bazillion dollars on buses and the solution to that problem is to redo the school zones immediately, resulting in 60% of our kids being forced to switch schools next year? Yeah, well, they voted on their crack-addled proposal and it passed. Unanimously. Because it will save tons of money,...
This past weekend, we put up the Christmas tree. Otto brought the necessary boxes and bundles down from the attic, and he set up the tree while I wandered around the house with a fistful of candle lamps in one hand and some scotch tape in the other, and extension cords draped around my neck. The stocking holders went onto the mantel. The various decorations were put in their designated positions. And by the time the kids arrived home on Sunday night, it was all done. Except for the ornaments, of course. We waited for them to trim the tree. Now, I was raised Jewish and didn't start...
