I tried. I really, really, really, really (with extra reallys!) tried to stay cheerful yesterday, I tried to take the annoyances as they came and tell myself that Hey! Coming back from a trip is hard! Keep expectations low! Everything will be perfectly fine! But by the end of the day I just wasn't feeling all that fine, you know? I was feeling rather sucky, in fact, and I was tired of trying to pretend that I wasn't. I had a good cry and went to bed. (In my OWN DAMN BED. I may have whispered sweet nothings to my pillow before drifting off.) We went away. We had a lovely trip. We saw lots of...
So, um, it turns out that my daughter has a highly contagious skin virus called Molloscum Contagiosum. She did not appreciate the various jokes I cracked, asking her when she'd become a marine invertebrate, so I switched to shouting "MOLLOSCUM CONTAGIOSUM!" at her with a flourish of my invisible wand, and then asking her why she had failed to levitate. For some reason, Chickadee spent a lot of time rolling her eyes at me, yesterday. I cannot IMAGINE why. But I had to make light, you know, because otherwise I would've had to cry. Molloscum isn't serious---she's not sick or anything, and...
You people are all so very sweet. Really. I love you all. Here, have a pony. No, wait---have two. But honest to Jesus, folks, you have PLEASE got to stop emailing to tell me that my data is recoverable. As I spelled out earlier today, it turns out that my MacBook had a Seagate drive with a known habit of, oh, BREAKING INTO PIECES. Apparently the heads snap off and scratch the disk all to shit as an added bonus. The result is that yes, I probably COULD pay upwards of two grand to have 20% of my data recovered in fragments, or I could just practice that thing called acceptance and move on with...
So I've been having nightmares for a week. I'm sure we could delve into the deep, dark, psychological reasons why---though I think I'll save that for my new therapist, THE LUCKY WOMAN---but it's a pretty complicated scenario to interpret. See, the kids left for the first of their summer trips with their dad, yesterday, and all week I've been dreaming about something awful happening to them. Huh. I WONDER WHAT THAT'S ABOUT. My darling husband has been so eager to distract me from The Crazy that he asked me approximately 294 times yesterday if I was okay, and he also suggested we go out on a...
... that it's not going to be a good day when you're headed out to the dentist and you end up running over a squirrel. God, I hate squirrels. HATE THEM. Still, it's not like I TRIED to run him over. He (she? it?) was darting back and forth ahead of me, and he'd run off mostly to the side, and along I came, and he ran right out under the car and I felt that tell-tale kerTHUMP as he met my rear tire. Whoops. It was already not a good morning, if you must know, and I'll confess that my immediate reaction to his demise was "SERVES HIM RIGHT FOR EATING MY DECK!" Technically speaking, I cannot...
Lord, I need more strength this morning than my one allotted breakfast cup of coffee is likely to impart. Be with me, please, and help me not to hurt anyone or grump overly at those who do not deserve my wrath. Indeed, help me to be kind even to those who honestly deserve my bile, because I'd like to be the sort of person who is graceful under pressure and not the sort of person who spouts obscenities in a crisis. I pray all of this in the name of your Son and also chocolate and bacon and pretty pink drinks... Amen. Oh, hi! Sorry, I find that starting off my day with a heart-felt prayer can...
Dear Sir and Madam: It it with a heavy heart and much regret that I feel the need to inform you of my decision to tender my resignation as Greatest Mother In The World. We all know that lately I've simply become unable to keep up with the demands of the position, and I wish to fall back at this time to something more befitting my capabilities. This morning I feel that perhaps Mom Who Does Just Enough might be a more suitable choice. Or---should you feel it a better selection---Serviceable Mom. I shall leave it to your discretion as to which would be most useful to the organization as a...
There was another post here, but my husband very rarely suggests I remove something from the site, and... actually, he has never before suggested that I take something down. But today he did. And even though I am extremely annoyed at him right now, he's probably being more sensible than me. So here is what I can tell you, instead: The effort I put into preparing a given recipe is inversely proportional to how good the food turns out. Take a bunch of crap out of the fridge and throw it in the crockpot? Delicious! Painstakingly slice and dice and carefully brown the meat and reduce the sauce...
So last night we grabbed a couple of friends and headed out to a little dive for beer and wings, because that seemed like a fitting way to celebrate our last child-free night. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot get the kids interested in hot wings. (Or beer. Damn kids.) So anyway, first someone brought us some water and then DIED, or at least that's what we assume happened, because after a good half hour of sitting there with just water, Otto had to go track down someone to wait on us. The gentleman he brought back was extremely sweaty and I could not stop staring at his hairline, where...
