I'm about THIS CLOSE to wearing an eye patch and calling it a day. I hardly ever wear makeup, right? Like, I'll wear it when I dress up. Which is almost never. For some reason at the beginning of this week I was digging for something in my bathroom drawer and found some mascara I forgot I had (my first mistake) and was all, "Oh! I'll put some of this on." So I did. And then I woke up with an eye infection the next morning. Because of course. I threw away the mascara. I've been doing warm compresses and medicated eye wipes (did you know this was a thing? it's a thing!) and trying not to touch...
It occurred to me that I forgot to tell you about my recent Bread Adventures. If you've been reading here forever and also have an uncanny memory for stupid details of other people's lives, you may recall that many, many years ago I discovered how easy it was to bake bread, and also how DELICIOUS said bread was, and I began baking bread all the time. In fact, I stopped buying sandwich bread altogether, because I just baked it here at home and it was a billion times better. Sandwich loaf bread from the store is---to me---a necessary vehicle for sandwich fillings, but... meh. Homemade bread,...
I tell you what: you think, when your kids are little, that when they're bigger, it'll be easier. HAHAHAHA. You look forward to self-sufficiency and assume it will magically appear in exactly the right proportions at the right time. This is because parenting damages your brain. When you're dealing with a child who goes floppy and boneless when it's time to put on their shoes, you imagine that someday they will make good, responsible decisions as a direct result of your calmly reiterating instructions for the tenth time and your remarkable restraint in not strangling them with their own...
This morning I removed the season's first rodent from the pool. It was just as much fun as you might imagine! And that's how I know that summer has well and truly arrived. It's not summer until something drowns. Also, my garden is giving me fits. APPARENTLY I planted a bunch of bum seeds for my beans and cucumbers, and because I am a very slow learner---and also because we have squirrels and feral cats roaming around and sometimes digging in my beds---I replanted with those same seeds several times before admitting that they simply weren't going to grow. Finally I admitted defeat and bought...
There isn't really a good way to "top" graduation, so a smarter family would not try, but we are nothing if not sort of dumb. Chickadee graduated on Saturday and then yesterday she had her wisdom teeth out. INSERT SAD TROMBONE HERE. The bad news is that I was ready for post-anesthesia hilarity---I had been told not to videotape anything, but I made no promises---and I was disappointed. For all of her larger-than-life antics while completely sober (and let us not forget that her last oral surgery was a Party with a capital P), this procedure was anticlimactic. All she wanted to do after was...
I've been whining about our unfinished bathroom for... several weeks, at least, by now. What a mess! What an inconvenience! A first world problem, to be sure, but ugh. So annoying. And I've been trying really, really hard to gain some perspective on this, because it's not that big of a deal. The good news is that today we have a mirror! Not that I haven't ABSOLUTELY LOVED Monkey coming downstairs every day with rumpled hair after his shower---soliloquizing on how maybe no one has noticed, but their bathroom STILL DOESN'T HAVE A MIRROR---to grump his way into my office bathroom and make...
Greetings from Day 17 of our 5-day bathroom remodel. HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA. HAAAAAAA. HA. Ahem. It was the vanity, you see. Not vanity like hubris sort of vanity, but the physical cabinet/counter/sink thingie, and it was backordered, and so we had to wait. I mean, let's pretend that's why, and forget about the tiling and retiling and the third time the tile got done, finally. Because the tile looks great! The floor is lovely! The shower is complete! And we even have a working toilet! Let's ignore the antibacterial soap pump on the edge of the tub because we have no sink. In fact, I'm pretty sure...
Yesterday was rife with complaints about the time change and how Monday is so completely awful and now it's Monday-plus-a-time-change and EVERYTHING IS THE WORST. I was busy bathroom-wrangling, or rather, trying to wrangle what's happening with the bathroom and the contractors and when oh when might we have a working bathroom up there... does anyone know? Plus there was the usual work stuff and getting the kids back to school stuff and some other stuff and I remember thinking, yesterday afternoon, that it was a pretty terrible day and I would be very glad once it was over. But then it got...
We're renovating the upstairs bathroom this week. More accurately, this week I am trying to keep the dogs from going insane while a crew makes a lot of noise and a big mess. So far it doesn't look much like a bathroom, but I have high hopes. Also, it was supposed to be finished by tomorrow. HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA. Um. I am still hoping it might be done next week. Or this year. Something. My usual way of coping with the grossness my offspring proliferate in their bathroom is to... just never go in there. But until that bathroom is done, they have to use the bathroom I use. Let's just say my...
