You always hurt the ones you love

By Mir
July 14, 2011

As I so often do, after a more difficult topic, today I’m going to go “LALALA!” very loudly with my fingers in my ears, and turn to lighter matters.

Lighter matters like trying to drown my dog.

The thing is, she can swim. We KNOW she can swim. And once we converted the pool to salt water we thought AWESOME, NOW THE DOG WILL SWIM because we were sure her previous aversion to the pool was because of the chlorine. I mean, after all, she loves the beach, so maybe with the chemicals out of the way, we could teach her to love the pool. Especially now that we have a decent fence and she can just run around in the pool area.

Hahahaha. My optimism is hilarious!

Actually, I am totally going to blame this on you guys. Yeah, that’s it.

A while ago when I mentioned Licorice hating the pool, commenter MelissaB told me that her dog just LOVES riding around their pool in a little boat. She even sent me a picture. Doesn’t Bubba look happy??

I went right out and bought Licorice a boat. Which she hated. But I figured she hated it because she hated the chlorine, so this year I took the boat out again. She did that air-swimming thing that dogs do when you hold them over water as I carefully brought her over to the magical orange pod of happiness, but once inside the boat, she did seem to like it. But… well, I’ll just have to show you. All photos in this post courtesy of Otto, of course, because the rest of us were in the pool, laughing until we cried.

See, she let me push her around in the boat a bit. She was fine! She totally loved it!

See, she’s SMILING! Having a grand ol’ time! (Although she probably doesn’t see that weird kid behind her. Gotta admit, he’s looking a little spooky.)

Really, it was all going incredibly well. So of course I had to mess it up.

I decided that if she loved the boat, SURELY she would love the water! I took her out of the boat and walked around the shallow end holding her for a few minutes. She was FINE.

And then I very gently set her in the water, held my hands around her for a minute while I spoke VERY ENCOURAGINGLY about how she was going to SWIM! and it would be SO MUCH FUN!

It’s true, she can swim:

I let her go in the middle, pointed at the stairs, but she opted to head straight for the wall and slither along it.

But she made it to the stairs okay. (No thanks to Batman. What an asshole.)

Of course, then the indignation kicked in.

First she had to shake and snort and generally glare at us.

Then she headed straight out into the dog run to roll in the dirt.

I like how she stopped to glare at Otto, all, “YOU WANNA COMMENT, JERKFACE?”

Ultimately, the dirt proved unsatisfying. How could it fully convey her sorrow, and the betrayal we’d wrought? It couldn’t.

She headed for a pile of dead leaves to continue displaying her anger.

She strutted around the pool like this for about ten minutes, all, “You think you’re gonna throw me in the pool, huh? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO THAT. YOU’LL BE PICKING PINE NEEDLES OUT OF THE COUCH FOR A YEAR, THAT’S WHAT.”

Every time Monkey or I swam to the edge and called her, she fixed us with a steely look of pure derision. And went and rolled in something else.

She totally showed us, is the point.

Kind of.

I mean, the final indignity was yet to come.

She smells like lavender, now. And that’s a good thing, because I’m hoping it means I’ll be able to smell her coming when she arrives to kill me in my sleep.


  1. Cheryl

    That is freakin’ hysterical.

    I needed a laugh today. Thank you.

  2. Anthony from CharismaticKid

    Wait a second, you can salt waterize your pool? I had no idea! And why didn’t you put a silly face on your dog?

  3. Laura

    Poor puppy!! But I did get a good laugh.

  4. Beth R

    Can’t sleep! Licorice will eat me!

    That is hilarious – thanks for the laugh :)

  5. Jessica

    Ah, man. Beth R stole my comment. ;)

    I think you’ve scarred her for life, though. She’ll probably never think of that boat with fondness again.

  6. diane

    Oh my! Poor Licorice just can’t win on this one! She has a grand selection of glares, there.

  7. Book of Jenn

    CACKLE! (Also, I pictured Monkey as, uh, better looking than this picture shows him.)

  8. Kathy

    I am laughing out loud!! Thanks for the chuckle!!

    Poor Licorice!!! Bahahahahahahahah!

  9. Kristine N

    OMG so funny…… I love the Licorice’s faces — to cute, I needed that today

    Thanks for sharing

  10. Jen

    It’s official. I’m in love with your dog. Thank you, I so needed that laugh.

  11. Robyn

    Oh, Mir! That is completely hilarious!!!

  12. pam


  13. parodie

    The look on her face in that last picture… you slay me. (Poor puppy, subjected to such cruel trauma!)

  14. Mandee


  15. Leandra

    Her face in that last picture is priceless.

  16. Lynn in Mass

    That is hilarious! Love the photos to go along with the story…totally makes it (props to Otto for the photos).

  17. Vinobaby

    Dogs won’t kill you in your sleep…but if you had tried that with a cat, you’d wake up looking like shredded wheat. Poor puppy, but great story.

  18. Barbara

    Thanks for the giggles! The picture of darling Licorice, covered in yard gunk and plotting revenge, gave me the laugh I so desperately needed today.

    You might want to consider a bell on her coller at night until the memories fade :-)

  19. Katie in MA

    Every time my uncontrollable laughter tapers off into more managable giggles, I think of that last sink shot and start all over again. Oh. my. I needed that today. SMOOCH for Licorice – you’re still my favorite! :)

  20. Scottsdale Girl

    Ok, yes that last picture is the one that did me in./ HIGH LAIR EE OUS

  21. liz

    Oh! The anger! The righteous indignation!

  22. dad

    First I’m contacting Puppy Protective Services.
    Then Im going to continue laughing my ass off.

  23. Jeanie


  24. Loonytick

    You say she likes the beach, but does she get out to where her feet don’t touch? Maybe she doesn’t like that floating sensation?

  25. thatgirl

    enough about her. tell me more about monkey boy cartoon face!

  26. MelissaB

    Too funny! We just came in from the pool and Bubba is now happily snoozing in my lap, settled on a towel. We also made Bubba swim today, he doesn’t enjoy it either – he just wants to be the captain of the boat and the old grump that complains about the kids running and jumping into the water. He’s almost 11 now and the swimming helps with his arthritis. I think the picture you linked to was when he was about 4?

    Maybe someday Licorice will jump in the boat when you don’t expect it? Bubba does that all the time now. It’s all well and good until he decides I’m the boat and jumps onto my belly as I float peacefully with my eyes closed. That’s happened a few times and is never a nice surprise. I love the photo of Licorice covered in leaves, like a doggie version of a ghillie suit.

  27. Sally

    Such a sweet little thing. I don’t think you have to worry about revenge. I loved this! :)

  28. Kellie

    Oh dear…that poor *snicker* thing…*guffaw* One can only HOPE she gets over *teehee* her hatred of the big puddle o *snort* doggie doom soon…

    Thanks for the laugh today Mir…SOOOOO needed it :)

  29. Little Bird

    The final pic had me howling. And when you have a head cold, that’s a dangerous thing!

  30. Chris

    OMHH….you totally made my day with this post. Thanks for the laughs! :)

  31. Diane

    Tee hee. The pictures of her in the boat are SO CUTE! Too bad it went downhill from there…

  32. gillian

    I just adore her flippy floppy tongue as she rolls about and then I completely lost it with the strutting about picture covered in debris and the commentary was superb
    oh. my. word..

  33. Amanda

    Hahahahaha poor puppy. I wonder if bathing my kids in lavender would help me smell them coming. I’m sure they’re plotting revenge for something.

  34. Ingrid

    LOVE it!

  35. Aimee

    I’m sorry that there’s something going on you need to LALALA about, but I can’t be sorry about that series of Licorice pictures, which are the funniest thing I have seen in ages! I can’t decide which is my favorite: the first one of her on her back in the dirt, or the one after the dirt and the leaves. She is awesome.

  36. Stephanie

    Thought I was gonna pee my pants. Thanks for the laugh!

  37. Groovecatmom

    Magical orange pod of happiness–no wonder she got annoyed when you made her get out! Who’d want to leave that?

  38. Rachael

    I can only imagine my dog in the same situation and it is quite a funny sight in my head. Your poor puppy, but oh the laughter this created for me!

  39. addy

    Hee Hee Hee – doggie soggie thank you.

  40. The Mommy Therapy

    That boat is awesome!

    I can definitely see my dog rebelling after such a tradegy in exactly the same way. He does everything he can to get outside after a bath to roll on whatever he can find…like the kids’ sandbox.

    It’s a nasty, hilarious mess.

  41. Karen

    LOL… ooooh man. Well, really… DOG.

    Cute pics, beautiful pool!

  42. Navhelowife

    That glare! Oh that glare is priceless!!!

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest