I feel like I haven’t talked too much about darling Otto, recently, and this is not because my adoration for him has waned in any way. In fact, I would have to say that during my recent bout of The Crayzee he continued to be nothing less than a pillar of strength and support.
It’s funny; I was talking with a freshly-divorced friend the other day, and she asked me how I ever managed to get to a place where I could even consider trusting a relationship again, much less remarrying. And I had to confess that Otto and I have known each other for over half our lives; I’m not sure I ever could’ve done it, otherwise. I truly believe that history is the glue in our relationship. That’s not to say that our history is nothing but rainbows and sunshine, but that having known each other for so long—having seen each other make mistakes and be jerks and still somehow recover from those things—THAT is what allows us to look at each other every day and know that whatever it is, we’re going to be okay.
We’ve agreed to love each other for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, through endless fence debacles (NO THE FENCE IS STILL NOT FINISHED, THANKS FOR ASKING) and whatever else life throws at us. (World without end, amen.)
All of this is Very Very Good, especially when it comes to my wonderful husband’s habit of sleep-walking-talking and insisting-there’s-a-crisis-ing. Ahem.
So, remember how I wasn’t really sleeping? And then I went back on medication and started sleeping again, which was helpful because not sleeping is always my fast track to Crazytown?
Well, I sort of stopped sleeping, again. I mean, not entirely. I have a cold. I’m not deathly ill or anything, but my head is just congested enough that it’s making it hard for me to sleep. So for two or three nights in a row I slept incredibly poorly (couldn’t fall asleep, couldn’t stay asleep, tossed and turned and generally would’ve made an excellent commercial for any “DON’T BE MISERABLE ALL NIGHT LONG LIKE THIS CRAZY WOMAN!” sleep aid).
So last night I took my Lexapro AND I took some Nyquil AND I took melatonin. I was covering all my bases, see. Because I was EXHAUSTED. And I seriously felt like one more night without sleep and I was going to rip someone’s face off. So we went to bed, and I lay there thinking CALM SLEEPY THOUGHTS, and finally, I fell asleep.
I was jolted awake at around 2:00 a.m.
“STOP. SLIDING. FRETT.” My soulmate, my true love, my sweetheart. Issuing incoherent commands. Waking me up in the middle of the night when I’ve FINALLY managed to sleep.
“What?” I said, because maybe I heard him wrong.
“STOP SLIDING FRETT!” he repeated, with even more insistence.
I sighed. “Honey, you’re not making any sense. You’re sleeping. Go back to sleep, with less talking, please.”
“I’m awake,” he said, because he always insists he’s awake when he does this. “Just wait, don’t move,” and then he started sliding his hands around on the mattress, under our pillows.
I sighed again. “Sweetie, you’re sleeping.” His hands continued searching. “Let me guess,” I continued, “snakes?”
He paused. “You’re going to laugh at me,” he said, in a small voice.
“I promise not to laugh,” I said, and I meant it. (Because the unspoken addendum to that was, “because I will simply blog about it and let my readers laugh at you, instead.”) “What is it you’re looking for?”
“Marshmallows,” he said.
“Marshmallows,” I repeated.
“Yes,” he said. Then a pause. Then: “I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”
“Good night, Otto,” I said, turning over.
Once I’m over my cold, I plan to pull my husband close, stare deep into his eyes, and whisper “marshmallows” as often as possible. Because I love him THAT MUCH.
The sleep talking is annoying and yet amusing. Derek once tried to sell me batteries in his sleep. (and got quite irate when I wouldn’t buy them.)
Ya know, go one step further. Hit the store and find the ginormous marshmallows that are showing up for campfires. I mean, these things are huge. And just hide them in random spots where he’ll definitely find them.
Heh. I’m just a widdle bit evil. ;)
Jen beat me to it, though I’d hide several marshmellows under his pillow, then just before bedtime, wink provacitively at him and tell him you have a surprise for him in the bedroom.
HAHAHA!! AWEsome! Well, not the lack of sleep for sure, but the story!
Two words for you. Marshmallow gun.
Frett, Marshamallows are IMPORTANT! You never know when you might want a s’more at 3am. I have a simialr story that always cracks me up- My husband woke me from a deep sleep “Follow me, men” and then added the sound effects for good measure “Clippity Clop, Clippity Clop.” HI-LARIOUS. Except the waking me from a deep sleep thing.
cute :). It’s always good to have your own ‘inside’ jokes. We have a few including the word ‘squirrel’ … :D
Once, when he was three or so, our son had crept into our bed one night, unbeknownst to me… until he started singing “… AND IT’S ONE!! TWO!!!! THREE!!!!! STRIKES, YOU’RE OUT!!! AT THE OLD BAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!” at the top of his lungs.
Yep. Sleep singing. Even more fun.
And I’d TOTALLY do the marshmallow-under-the-pillow thing. Yes. These are the things that make good marriages.
So – the bright side is that you woke up and both pillows were still there. There was no eating of the marshmallows…..
Totally love Jen’s idea. I am a bit guilty of sleep talking (occasionally) too. I can remember waking my “other half” up laughing hysterically in my sleep.
On the other hand I can not seem to get a full nights’ sleep because I wake up in the middle of the night/early morning to the “other half” snoring. I have tried to kick, push and wake up…and now I give up. I take my pillow and go elsewhere.
LOL! Love the idea of randomly hidden marshmallows.
First of all, #6 Elz, your husband saying Clippity Clop in his sleep just made me burst out laughing. Second of all, Mir, I am the psycho “active sleeper” in my marriage and I also INSIST that I am awake when I am trying to use my pillow to whack all of the spiders that are coming down from the ceiling at 2 a.m., especially when I am standing on our bed to do so. My husband is usually not amused when I do these things. :) Spouses Of Active Sleepers deserve a medal or something. Or at least a Starbucks gift card.
I totally think the best part of this story is the small-voiced “You’re going to laugh at me.” So cute and funny.
I LOVE Jen’s idea, hide the marshmallows! What a sweetie that man of yours is. Even if he’ll be sweet and sticky after all those fluffly nuggets. You’re the best Mir. Hugs and rainbows to you!
Otto – thank your lucky stars that you read here so you won’t be surprised by random acts of marshmallow!
Also? I think bed-marshmallow-hiding while hilarious in concept is fraught with all sorts of dangers of a) stickiness and b) DOG INVASION. Maybe that’s just because I lived with a beautiful bone-head of a dog who would, at about 2 a.m. most likely have suddenly appeared in great distress because: smell? There is SMELL! Sweet smell! I just noticed it and I MUST FIND IT NOW. Same bonehead dog would have spent the rest of his life digging hopefully under pillows because hey, one time marshmallow means ALWAYS possible marshmallow. Forevveranevverahmen.
Haha. I can sympathize. My husband talks in his sleep and before the baby started sleeping through the night (which he still doesn’t do half the time), I was up at night all the time, and sure enough, as soon as I’d get Squirt back to sleep and the dog to sleep and I’d get to sleep, Mark would start talking. It’s hard to be mad though when your significant other sits up and shouts “There’s a skeeter on my peter!” in a panic, then falls right back asleep. He never remembered any of it.
Are you familiar with sleeptalkingman.com? You should check it next time you need a laugh. Gow lucky are you to remember the sleep talking weirdness for future mockery! My husband says the funniest things at night, but by morning all I can remember is that they were funny and nonsensical.
That should be ‘how’ not ‘gow.’ Posting from a cell without proofing first…bad idea.
Ask Otto’s brother, I do the same crap. It’s hilarious. Not snakes or marshmallows, no I’m not that eloquent, but nonsense that B just fluffs off with a kiss and a smile. I insist on being awake initially, then sheepishly say, “Never mind”. Ha!
It’s endearing, no?
Maybe he saw Ghostbusters recently. ;)
I have a sleep-talking 7 year old. This is what I hear, “Chocolate…mumblemumble…mommy…mumblemuble…jerk…mumblemumlbe…you asshole…mumblemumble…mommy you owe me a quarter…mumblemuble…I know the C word…mumblemumble…crap.
I just snotted all over myself because I had to sneeze and laughed at the same time. You’re welcome for that visual.
I am the active sleeper in my house and the story that still cracks us up is when I sat up in bed and started to explain the similarities and differences between sex and insurance claims. You see there are bad claims, and bad sex. Then there are good insurance claims, and good sex. They are basically the same thing, no? My spouse actually thought I was awake and was so lost and confused as to why this came up in the middle of the night and why I was so enthusiastic about the similarities.
btw..this was one of many clues that I needed a new job!
You’re so lucky! When the dh talks in his sleep, it is INVARIABLY about work (it tends to happen when he’s under deadlines and stressed). No matter how I try to change the subject to see what’s really hidden in his psyche, it’s WORK WORK WORK. I’d love to have some amusing stories like this to share!
My husband woke me one time feverishly searching through the blankets too. He kept mumbling “Where’s the baby?” as he tossed me and the blankets aside.
I kept telling him “Honey, there is no baby. Our baby is 5 years old”. No kidding, he turned to me finally and said in an exasperated voice “Not our baby. THE DOG’S.”, then laid down and went to sleep.
We don’t have a dog.
I was told by my ex-boyfriend that I talk in my sleep. Apparently about Manson. The ex used to just have conversations with me when this would happen, he was trying to dig for information. I had to explain to him that in that alternate dimension known as sleep, things make perfect sense there, but have almost zero bearing on the real world.
I no longer feel so alone.
PS: If I find one marshmallow, there will be a Hershey bar in your shoe. Fair’s fair.
I just love this! And thank goodness it’s marshmallows and not snakes! ;o)
Too funny! I can’t stop laughing. Mir, I’d take the chance on hiding marshmallows, because Otto just promised you chocolate. I could remember to look in my shoes for a while for chocolate- though I’d really prefer Hershey’s special dark.
Fret? Sliding? Does Otto play bass guitar? I hope he makes s’mores with his marshmallows. Snicker.
Now I’m all worried about sleepwalking and sleeptalking while I’m on my own crazee meds.
HOLY COW! Are you sure you aren’t married to my husband?! He does crap like this all the time. The scariest night was when I woke up to him putting a clip in his gun to shoot the people crawling in the window. Needless to say the gun stays under MY side of the bed now. The biggest thing I deal with is when he is dreaming & needing to go to the bathroom. Feels like I have 2 young kids in the house…
Hilarious. So happy you have Otto, and his sleep dysfuction.
My husband does all sorts of strange sleep talking, jumping up in bed to get away from the snakes, rearranging the pillows (sometimes over my face) to get things”right” and yelling at his employees. It’s always an adventure to sleep next to him. It’s a good thing I’m mad for him or I’d probably want to punch his face in for always interruping me.
Seriously though, no fence? What the hell?
Dammit now I want s’mores.
That’s a great story. I am married to an active sleeper. He’s had his hands up in the air “typing” as he was “programming a computer”, tried to program the tv remote (I keep in put up now), and whacked my rear HARD while he was “wrestling the neighbors dogs” (I was not amused as that one).
I have to say that I love everything about your blog. I want to have you over for dinner and make you my own real life friend because you’re so awesome, but that would be impossible because, well, I’m in Oklahoma and that’s kind of a long drive for dinner. Anyway, my most FAVORITE thing that I read on your blog are your stories of Otto and his sleep stuff! When I need a laugh, I will look up those entries and read them just for fun!
Hahahaha very funny. My brother used to have full conversations in his sleep, we really had some fun with it, although now you have made me see it from his wife’s point of view!!
Marshmallows. Pillows? Like Mir uses to smother Otto when he wakes her at 2AM?
Started laughing at the post. Am crying and laughing by the 37th comment. Sleep singing 7 year old who cusses in his sleep. Hershey’s bar in the a shoe. Ahahaha….Marshmallows….Ehehehe!
@Daisy: you can tell I’m not a musician, because I thought the sliding Frett was a baseball player.
How did you know it was Frett and not Fret?
I think one of the things I like best about your posts is that the comments are the extended version. I’m reading highlights to my husband and the two of us are cracking up. Thanks for the laugh.
I must confess that I am a the perpetrator of sleep talking crazy town. Our 6 month old sleeps in bed with us, but one night I decided to move him into his bassinet at the foot of our bed so I didn’t have to sleep on the edge for once. My hubby was awakened by my paranoid screams of “Where’s the baby, where’s the baby!”. I was feeling all over the bed like I had lost him in the blankets. My hubby proceeded to jump from the bed, fling on the light and look at me like I had lost my mind when he saw our son sound asleep. I nonchalantly whispered sorry and went back to bed. Damn he must love me.
I awoke one night to my husband’s arms flailing around and him yelling “The bees! The bees!” Of course, what could I do but laugh hysterically?!?!?! To which he responded “Don’t laugh! Its a BIG bee!” (I’m laughing AGAIN just typing this!)
Hee! (except for the lack of sleep)
There are a lot worse things than your feet smelling like chocolate. Go for the all–out marshmallow war. ;-) (…which led to me thinking, do you think there’s something to said about standing guard over Fence Guys with marshmallow guns and firing at them if they do something that looks not-right? or would that be a bad thing?)
I almost can’t decide which is funnier, the post or the comments.
Josie has just entered a night-terror phase, and has woken herself (and us) up twice now with incredible fear of the bugs she insists are on her face. She also had an accident on the playground yesterday out of the same fear.
I laughed so hard at the post and comments that I had tears in my eyes. I used to be an “active sleeper.” Once as a child I woke my mom up in the middle of the night insistent that I needed to talk to Dad. She responded that he was asleep, what did I need? I sternly said, “Nevermind!” and walked back to my room. Yeah, that didn’t go over well.
Interestingly since I started on Zoloft I’ve stopped the talking…but I do still thrash in my sleep and throw pillows across the room.
This is all kinds of awesome!
I was also thinking guitar with sliding and frett. Who is Frett, then?
My husband occasionally talks in his sleep, but it’s never anything interesting. When I shared a room with my sister, she once sat straight up in bed and yelled “Blaaah!” and then “How do you like my song?”
Haha – this is funny!
I do stuff in my sleep too. Mum says I’ve always had interesting conversations in my sleep and I’ve been known to get up and try on new shoes in my sleep or shift furniture round. I leapt out of bed to avoid the snakes falling from the ceiling, fell down and broke 2 bones in my left hand. Will never live that down – telling the doctor was so embarrassing! And the latest one was three nights ago when I punched my hubby in the back because someone in my dream was trying to make me eat a stale old sandwich with wasabi on it.
You two are adorable.