1. a justly deserved penalty
2. the act of taking revenge
3. sudden recurrence of somnambulance the night after your wife writes a somewhat cranky post about you

true love

1. a sweetheart; a truly loving or loved person
2. bond uniting soul mates
3. not kicking your husband in the nads when he wakes you out of a sound sleep TWICE on the same night: first to insist that there’s something in the room with you, then later to noisily inspect the far wall because “I know it sounds crazy, but there’s a giant hole in it and there’s something in there!”

(Today’s lesson brought to you by three cups of coffee and the letters W, T, and F.)


  1. Burgh Baby

    Uh oh.

  2. Lylah


  3. kate

    my husband once came over to my side of the bed and started pushing me, telling me to move over so he could go to sleep. Despite the fact that I was sleeping completely at the edge and THERE WAS AN ENTIRE KING SIZE BED ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME. He then proceeded to try and get into the television cabinet. i believe alcohol was involved.

  4. Leandra

    Hahahahahahaa! I’m sorry, but I just had to laugh

  5. Half Assed Kitchen

    It’s like sleeping with a toddler. :)

  6. diane

    They are now wondering why I’m laughing like a hyena alone in my office.

    Are you sure he was asleep for the “giant hole” episode? Because it sounds to me like that would be a perfect excuse to start some middle-of-the-night remodeling…connected to your conversation from yesterday, or not.

  7. Flea

    Bwahahaha! I remember a previous post on Otto’s sleep “issues”. A snake, wasn’t it? Have fun with that. :)

  8. Pam

    Pah! Try being sound asleep when your husband dreams about being attacked and punches you in the nose in defence. THEN you can complain (except it does you no good because he’s gone straight back to sleep again leaving you a quivering wreck busily building a wall of pillows down the middle of the bed).

  9. laura


  10. Nicki

    Can’t stop laughing. Must breathe…ah ha ha!

  11. Heidi D

    I used to be a big sleepwaker/talker when I was younger. In fact, my brother told me he used to have conversations with me when I was sleepwalking and standing in the kitchen. And my mom once stopped me from walking out the door in the middle of the night.
    Now my husband gets to have fun with my little quirk. I’m not as bad as I used to be and I can usually catch myself early on.
    And now my oldest son walks and talks in his sleep… poor thing never had a chance with me as his mom (is it genetic?).
    I don’t know if it’s true, but a friend did some reasearch and found out that caffiene may contribute to sleepwalking/talking. I may have to look it up someday.

  12. Heidi D

    Also, I laughed so hard reading this post and the comments that my cat was looked at me funny and walked away.

  13. JennyM

    WTF. WTF, indeed.

    I will keep quiet, as I am the somnambulist of our relationship.

  14. Little Bird

    I am told I talk in my sleep. Apparently about Ruby Rod and Charles Manson. Not in the same “conversation” though. Because that would be weird.

  15. Beachgal

    My husband gets utterly frustrated with me when i talk in my sleep, because honestly the words coming out make perfect sense to me, but not to him, since he isn’t in my head….he’s been getting his revenge lately, because sometimes he gets so sleep deprived and loopy from pain meds that I have no idea what he’s talking about.

  16. Megan

    Ahem. Sounds totally normal to me. And sane. Yes, normal and sane and utterly… um… embarrassing.

  17. Karen


  18. bob

    sleep walking is better than sleep sex, and that’s all I have to say about that.

  19. Cheryl

    hahahahahaha *breathes and wipe eyes* hahahahaha

    here’s to both of you getting a decent night’s sleep!

  20. David

    So, would it be considered bad form to turn on the light and then hose your spouse down with a selzer bottle when they do something like that? Just askin’.

  21. Kimmers

    Sadly in our household, the person with the Severe Hunger Induced Crabbiness? Is me, always me. Sometimes I get a certain gleam (or twitch) in my eye and my fiance nervously hands me a Coke (true story).

    The person with the crazy bizarre nightmares, who frequently wakes up sobbing and/or babbling nonsense and/or vehemently insisting that I HEARD SOMEONE BREAKING IN, OMG GO CHECK, GO CHECK!! Is ALSO me. Nick is basically a saint, is what I’m saying.

  22. Lorraine

    I once had a dream in which husband and I were lying peacefully in a huge bed, at the bottom of which was the end of the universe. Galaxies were whirling and meteors doing that meteor thing, velvety black sky. But there was a problem: my right foot was sticking out from under the blanket. And when husband crawled out to the end of the bed to tuck my foot in: BAM! I kicked him out over the edge and into the void. I woke us both up laffing my head off. When asked what was so funny, I made up some lame story about meeting an astronaut and left it at that.

  23. Brigitte

    Heh, it brings back memories of a dear friend of mine who woke in the night shrieking and scrambling onto her husband. She was on top of him, shaking him and clutching him for dear life, screaming that there were skeletons crawling across the ceiling. Did I mention that she is an EXTREMELY large woman? Oog, her poor hubby!

  24. Mary

    Oh, I could write a book about sleep walking/talking incidents – both hubby and I – but I, by far, the worst!

    Unfortunately, my worst story would include stairs and a broken hip. Unbelievable part? Hubby got me back to bed (apparently I complained about a “sore back” on the way) but didn’t even know I’d broken it until I attempted to get out of bed the next morning (Nope! Even falling down stairs didn’t wake me!)

  25. The Glamorous WAHM

    Now that is too funny! Unfortunately, I am tortured and still have to sleep with my preshcol boys. Lucky for my hubby, he gets the bed all to himself!

  26. Katie in MA

    It’s the “I know this sounds crazy,” part that kills me. :) That Otto – he is cute even when he is insane!

  27. Karate Mom

    You know, I will sometimes go back and read your post about the snakes when I need a laugh! I mean, these things probably aren’t so funny in the actual incident, but it sure makes for some great reading.

  28. Karate Mom

    Yup. Just went back and read it again. Tears now streaming down face from voluminous laughter.
    Thanks for the endorphin jolt!

  29. MamaChristy

    I had never read your “somnambulance” post before and oh my word. I’m sorry for you, but dang, that is some good reading.

  30. Tracy

    Ok, so I don’t know what happened over the last couple of days other than my head has been stuck in the sand because my sinuses are screaming…but this post is the most hilarious thing I’ve read yet.

  31. MyFaithandJoy

    This happened to my husband for the first time last night – it was terrifying! He woke up, certain that there was a poisonous gas in the air. He screamed for me to get out of bed, and then he rushed into the nursery and ordered me to grab our sleeping toddlers out of their cribs and we scrambled downstairs with them, fleeing the gas in the air that I didn’t know was nonexistent. It wasn’t until my husband threw open the downstairs door and we were hit by a blast of cold air that he stopped and said, “I think I’m dreaming.” I didn’t sleep for hours, my heart was racing so hard. But thanks to your post, I knew he wasn’t experiencing a psychotic break…just somnambulance. I sure hope this doesn’t become a trend – I don’t think my heart can take it.

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