Um. Yeah. Hi!

Every now and then I write a difficult post about Deep Thoughts that really resonates with folks, and that’s terribly gratifying, and I feel all warm and fuzzy and embrace the whole community aspect of blogging and feel like we’re all in this life thing together. I open up, and you welcome me with open arms, and I realize that sharing thoughts and feelings is GOOD and TRUE and NICE.

And then other times, I write about a room full of women and sex toys, and suddenly that’s the most-visited post I’ve ever written and I realize that actually no one really cares about my deep thoughts nearly as much as folks want to envision a lightsaber duel between two glowing vibrators.

Everything I ever thought was true was a lie! Oh, the humanity (or lack thereof)! Please stand by while I rend my garments and wail!

[Oh, but first I have to tell you one little thing I forgot yesterday: While we were passing around the, uh, merchandise, there was a box of little silicone, um, man-sleeves. (Ribbed for her pleasure, I guess.) One of them looked exactly like a miniature hair curler. So I took it out of the box and rolled it into my hair. My very curly hair. Guess what? IT GOT STUCK. I tried to remain calm and act suave while ripping a penis sleeve out of my hair, all the while wondering exactly how embarrassing it would be to need to have someone cut a sex toy off my head all because I am a gigantic dork.]

Ahem. Anyway. Where was I?

Oh! Right!

So guess what happened yesterday? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I blogged and then the post got Stumbled and suddenly I had thousands of new readers and it was super awesome…

… right up until I realized I had absolutely nothing exciting to write about today.

And then the performance anxiety set in. Suddenly I found myself wishing that little sleeve HAD gotten permanently stuck in my hair, dammit! (But not really.)

Because now if I write about yesterday, it goes something like this:

I worked all day and then the kids came home and Monkey went caterpillar-hunting while I helped Chickadee with her homework. Then Otto came home and I totally forgot to use my new rice cooker to make rice to go with dinner because I’d been so busy; so we had noodles instead and I am thinking of putting a salt lick in my daughter’s room because no matter how much salt and pepper I put on the noodles she ALWAYS insists they need more. (My favorite is when she does that before she even tastes them. Yes.) Later the kids went to bed and I did some more work and then Otto and I watched Deadliest Catch because we’re fancy and stuff.

Wow. That is SCINTILLATING. I bet all of those new readers are REALLY GLAD they stopped by!

Today is turning out to be just as exciting, by the way. I just realized I have no idea what we’re having for dinner. OH, THE DRAMA! THE INTRIGUE! THE SUSPENSE! This morning I discovered that we still have one lump of homemade mozzarella I should use up, though I’m something of a one-trick pony when it comes to my mozzarella (and as much as I love pizza, I’m tiring of it). What else could I use it for? I also have… some leftover grilled chicken, undersalted multigrain noodles, some rice I forgot to cook yesterday (hmmm… I also have some risotto, but I don’t know if I can make that in the rice cooker), and plenty of potatoes (both sweet and white). Chances are my freezer has a variety of vegetables. And my pantry has a variety of… other stuff.

Oh, wait—PLOT TWIST!—I also have a package of crab meat in the freezer. I BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!

Now you tell me what to make for dinner, on account of I wrote you this totally awesome and riveting account of my day. I think that’s fair.


  1. Leandra

    I had an absolutely delicious caprese sandwich at a local Italian place the other day. Tomatoes, pesto, mozzarella. And, best of all, vegetarian! But if Chickie adds salt I think you should definitely look into the salt lick for her.

  2. Lylah

    Iron Chef Mir!

    Dice a sweet onion, saute it in a little olive oil until it softens. Add a little garlic — just a little. Add the diced leftover chicken. Add a couple of handfuls of grape tomoatoes. Heat until the skins on the tomatoes start to split. Add basil, oregano, rosemary. Add the leftover undersalted pasta. Pour it all into a lightly greased baking dish, add some parmesan and the mozz, heat it in the oven until the mozz is melty.

    Um… I guess Chickadee can have salt lick and pasta without chicken?

  3. Kelly

    Hmmm what about roasting the chicken in the over with some sort of tomato sauce on it (hoping its in the pantry) and then towards the end adding mozzarella to broil a nice topping? Doesn’t help Chickie out but… You can do rice on the side (can you use broth & garlic in a rice cooker to make it more savory? I don’t own one but that’s what I do for couscous), along with one of the freezer veggies (we tend to be 1,2,3 meal eaters so there you go).

  4. Tracy

    You are the funny girl, asking ME to cook your supper. I really think you might want to rethink that one.

  5. My Kids Mom

    I’m trying a new one in the crock pot. But I didn’t make the roux first- I added butter, flour and milk right into the crock. It also has spinach and ricotta and noodles (probably undersalted). We’re trying to go without meat more often. I’ll see how this goes. On a baseball night I need easy and this will be if it works.

    As for you, pour some jar red sauce on the chicken and top with mozz. cook til warm. call it chicken parmesan and they’ll eat it with the noodles.

  6. Crystal

    Chicken Parm! It uses ALL of those things. and it’s super easy and delish.

  7. Megan

    Slice mozzarella into 1/2″ or so slices, egg-white wash, panko with basil (and small salt & pepper depending on content of cheese), pan fry until golden, serve over mixed greens with balsamic drizzle.

    Simplest – mozzarella cubed, really, really good tomatoes diced, fresh basil, toss with balsamic vinegar and touch of sea-salt and pepper.

    Bruschetta toasted, slice of mozzarella, half a caper berry, slice of pancetta or smoked salmon.

    (note – goat cheese can be substituted for recipes 1 and 3, heck probably 2 as well I just haven’t tried it!)

  8. Otto

    Phew … something I can comment on …

    If we have some tomatoes, we could make a tomato, mozzarella and onion salad … reheat the chicken for the omnivores, the pasta for the herbivore …


  9. Kay

    C’mon Otto..we were waiting for your comment on the last post! :) kidding. well i tihnk he’s right. salad and pasta is the best..throw in a pasta soup toO!

  10. ~annie

    No ideas about your dinner – still laughing about the thingy caught in your hair.

  11. C~

    LOL Poor Mir. I divorced a man who put ketchup on each and every thing I cooked…without ever tasting it first. Was that why I divorced him? Hmmm…I dunno. Maybe. There were other things, but meh.

    I know you can’t divorce Chickadee, but suffice it to say, it could be worse.

    You need a grill. Then you hand the to-be-grilled-item to Otto and make a salad. Dinner is done. Heh.

  12. dad

    My stomach still hurts too much from laughing to think about food.
    And to think…I was worried that Georgia might be too staid for you.

  13. Sharon

    I would just serve the baked goods you made last week. With some fruit, of course. :)

  14. Jennifer Joyner

    I am no help whatsoever in the dinner department, but I would like to reassure you that we faithful readers love hearing the details of your dramatic, intrigue-filled, suspenseful life…with or without the sex toys!

  15. Tammy

    Mir, we love your Deep Thoughts posts. It’s what keeps us faithful readers coming back for more. That, and Bionic Monkey.

    I like Lylah’s suggestion…sounds good to me!

  16. Chuck

    I recommend which searches for recipes based on what ingredients you have on hand.

  17. ben

    Tonite on Iron Chef, our secret ingredient is… SALT LICK! Go!

    (and you thought I would comment on the penis cozies. Nope, not going there)

  18. Sarah @

    And to think I missed the sex toy post.


  19. Burgh Baby

    Oh, but we love the deep posts, too. They just aren’t the ones that make us spit out our morning coffee all over our computer monitor. If there were photos of the *ahem* “thing” stuck in your hair, just imagine the traffic. ;-)

  20. kakaty

    I would love the see the person who now finds this site after googling “penis sleeve”. Tee hee!

  21. exile on mom street

    I have Mom’s Nite Out tonight and therefore this is my night off from worrying about dinner.

    I refuse to think about yours.

    But I will think of you with a penis shrug caught in your hair because that is just damn funny.

  22. Mom24@4evermom

    Chicken Parmesan? You’d use up the chicken, the mozzarella and the leftover noodles. Good luck.

  23. KL

    Chicken noodle soup? With rice?

  24. Katie in MA

    Oh surrrrrre. The kids went to bed and you “watched television.” We’re buying that one. Especially after such an interesting ladies night out! Wish *I* could be so afflicted!

  25. Brianna

    Heh. Well some of the new readers from the Dildo-entry Stumble train are still here. Me! :D

    I’m just like Chickadee… Everything needs more salt. Unless it’s Campbell’s Tomato Soup. Then it just needs a crapload of pepper. I hear some online store has a 2-for-1 deal, maybe you could get ME a salt lick too! ;)

    Leftover grilled chicken with melted mozarella and tomatoes and some mashed sweet taters sounds reallllll nice.

  26. ImpostorMom

    That whole fried mozz on a salad suggestion sounds mouthwatering. Tonight is what we call “wild card” at our house which pretty much means it ain’t my problem. I love those nights.

  27. Kim

    Mozzarella Pepper Salsa. Yum!

    Dice about 8 ounces of Mozz into quarter-inch cubes; combine with about 1 cup diced roasted red peppers, 2 sliced green onions, thinly sliced fresh basil (think how delish this will be when your garden produces!), and add some evoo. Salt and pepper to taste (see, something for Chickadee too). You can serve this on endive leaves or as a salsa dip for crackers, or spoon it on a baquette and broil until the cheese is melty. Might even be good stirred into cold rice as a dinner salad.

  28. Lee-ann

    don’t know, maybe left overs…stumbled? I can’t get that figured out yet – too many new things all of the time!! Sorry the ‘sleeve’ didn’t get stuck. Maybe next time.

  29. MomCat

    Just throw something to thaw on the counter. Go on – you know you want to.

  30. Lady of Perpetual Chaos

    Warm it all up, put it out and call it a “buffet”! We’re eating pizza in the park after our soccer meeting. My life is almost as scintillating as yours! ;o)

  31. Andrea

    When I first started reading today, I thought you were going to tell us about all the new cool kids that came to your post when they googled the word “dildo.”

    That said, the visuals of a salt lick in Chickadee’s room and of getting a “toy” stuck in your hair was worth the price of admission!

  32. J from Ireland

    No idea what you could cook Mir, still laughing at you putting the thing in your hair!! Very funny.

  33. Anna Marie

    I’ve never even heard of a penis sleeve. I’m pretty sure I’ve also never typed the word “penis” either on my own blog or someone else’s…Mir, you truly are opening up new worlds to me.

    I love fresh mozzarella with tomatoes, basil and some balsamic vinegar drizzled over the top. It’s the sole reason I plant tomatoes each year! Good luck with dinner. I’m reheating leftovers here at Chez Hinnant.

  34. Sheila

    I can see why you “forgot” to tell us about your silicone man-thingy experience yesterday. At least you could entertain all your new readers by pulling that anecdote out of your sleeve today. (Ha! See what I did there? Sleeve!)

  35. Pepper

    Well, I can honestly say I have been reading this blog for roughly 2 weeks and this is my first ever comment.

    Yesterdays post still makes me laugh out loud “more nose!” Unfortunatly my life is pretty much as scintillating as yours is, but your blog always brings a smile to my face, and often alot of “what are you up to?” when my boss walks by.

    I think you should have a left over night tonight, those always go over well in my house. As for me, I am having chilli Cheese dogs hold the bun.. because someone (ahem) forgot to buy the buns the other day while grocery shopping.

  36. Half Assed Kitchen

    That post deserved to be stumbled! It was hilarious.

  37. annette

    Okay, there are only three blogs on my favorites list and I read yours first. Everyday. And, I worry about you when you don’t post before noon. Now, whose life is more lame?????

  38. annette

    And, we are having frozen lasagna because I was on a Kindergarten Zoo field trip, we had Kumon and we have play practice between7-9. Jealous????

  39. Flea

    I got in a fight with my husband over something stupid, did laundry, ate a chocolate creme filled Easter egg, and opened all the windows because it’s beautiful out. Then had a nice dinner discussion with the teens and tween about alcohol and drugs, their topic of choice. Fun!

  40. Kemi

    Getting tired of pizza? Surely you jest, Mir.

    I cannot fathom such a thing.

    After water balloons and an hour in the sprinklers (them), we are having PB & J sandwiches and calling it dinner (me).

  41. Em

    I can’t tell you what to have for dinner because we had waffles. Obviously, my judgement is clouded. I would like to thank you for putting that, um, man sleeve thingy in your hair and especially for getting it caught. I need to know there are people as spazzy as me out there (please, do not take that as an insult – spazzy can sometimes be a good thing, when it doesn’t end with X rated headwear). Even better, that these spazzy people can also be hilarious, creative and wicked WICKED awesome! Gives me hope.

  42. Colleen

    Hey, guess what the first thing was that my 5 year old told me when she got home from school today…

    I eat bugs.

    A bug scientist came to her school today and told her that the crab I love oh so much is a giant bug. And do you know what? It is! How did I not know that?

    That was the excitement of my day. Gotta get back to hitting this deadline. Glad you got the penis sleeve out of your hair.

  43. Brigitte

    Any new readers will just have to take you as you are! I bet quite a few will stay.

    It’s too late for me to give you your menu suggestions, however. Though as soon as I hear about the crab meat, I think about crab quiche (you do have eggs, no?). So long as you make your own pre-baked quiche crust instead of those nasty store-bought ones. ;-)

  44. joaaanna

    Penis sleeve. Snort!

  45. Lady Euphoria Deathwatch

    Hi Mir,

    I don’t comment here much, but I do read daily. And all I and say is ‘Fair Weather Friends.’

    You know that most of those new viewers were just bored sex fiends looking for a new jolly. So just let it go and move on back to the Mir we all know and love.

    You may have gotten a few new looky loos for a day but they are not the people you really want to hang out with on a regular basis.

    Blogging is a funny world. But your regular viewers love you just the way you are.

    Hugs, Euphoria

  46. Hip Mom's Guide

    You crack me up. And ditto on Lady Euphoria up there. :)

  47. shanna

    Can’t help you on the dinner thing, plus that was probably for yesterday and I got to the party late.
    As for the salt thing w/ Chickadee, I was addicted to salt when I was her age. Back in the Stone Age when I was growing up they never did any tests so we never knew what the issue really was but I did get frequent bloody noses and had high blood pressure, which after getting a degree in Biology, many years later I was able to link those two to my salt addiction. So watch her for bloody noses. I eventually grew out of the salt thing, though every now and again I do get the craving for something salty. I just don’t eat it straight from the salt shaker now that I am a mature adult, ahem. ;)

  48. StephLove

    Don’t worry, Mir. We still love you for your mind.

    I won’t offer any dinner advice since presumably you ate something and now it’s moot.

  49. alice

    Oh, man. I suck at cooking, so I’m not going to offer my suggestions, as they pretty much amount to noodles with mozzarella and some veggies. However, I wanted to say that the salt lick isn’t neccessarily a bad idea – especially since Chickadee’s eating a healthy vegetarian diet, she’s not getting as much sodium as she did when she was eating meat. Speaking as someone who’s had some serious salt cravings on occasion, it’s been really weird to get used to the fact that I have to make sure I get *enough* salt. My grandfather and I would joke about balance, since his docs were always on him to reduce his sodium.

  50. Jan in Norman, OK

    Shanna’s comment reminded me of a girl I knew in high school, also back in the Stone Age, who put salt on her Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I wonder whatever happened to her….

  51. Ruth

    The visual of the penis sleeve in your hair is going to keep me going for DAYS. Thank you. Don’t worry about performance anxiety; I believe you will be just fine. (And we will benefit!)

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