Every now and then I write a difficult post about Deep Thoughts that really resonates with folks, and that’s terribly gratifying, and I feel all warm and fuzzy and embrace the whole community aspect of blogging and feel like we’re all in this life thing together. I open up, and you welcome me with open arms, and I realize that sharing thoughts and feelings is GOOD and TRUE and NICE.
And then other times, I write about a room full of women and sex toys, and suddenly that’s the most-visited post I’ve ever written and I realize that actually no one really cares about my deep thoughts nearly as much as folks want to envision a lightsaber duel between two glowing vibrators.
Everything I ever thought was true was a lie! Oh, the humanity (or lack thereof)! Please stand by while I rend my garments and wail!
[Oh, but first I have to tell you one little thing I forgot yesterday: While we were passing around the, uh, merchandise, there was a box of little silicone, um, man-sleeves. (Ribbed for her pleasure, I guess.) One of them looked exactly like a miniature hair curler. So I took it out of the box and rolled it into my hair. My very curly hair. Guess what? IT GOT STUCK. I tried to remain calm and act suave while ripping a penis sleeve out of my hair, all the while wondering exactly how embarrassing it would be to need to have someone cut a sex toy off my head all because I am a gigantic dork.]
Ahem. Anyway. Where was I?
So guess what happened yesterday? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I blogged and then the post got Stumbled and suddenly I had thousands of new readers and it was super awesome…
… right up until I realized I had absolutely nothing exciting to write about today.
And then the performance anxiety set in. Suddenly I found myself wishing that little sleeve HAD gotten permanently stuck in my hair, dammit! (But not really.)
Because now if I write about yesterday, it goes something like this:
I worked all day and then the kids came home and Monkey went caterpillar-hunting while I helped Chickadee with her homework. Then Otto came home and I totally forgot to use my new rice cooker to make rice to go with dinner because I’d been so busy; so we had noodles instead and I am thinking of putting a salt lick in my daughter’s room because no matter how much salt and pepper I put on the noodles she ALWAYS insists they need more. (My favorite is when she does that before she even tastes them. Yes.) Later the kids went to bed and I did some more work and then Otto and I watched Deadliest Catch because we’re fancy and stuff.
Wow. That is SCINTILLATING. I bet all of those new readers are REALLY GLAD they stopped by!
Today is turning out to be just as exciting, by the way. I just realized I have no idea what we’re having for dinner. OH, THE DRAMA! THE INTRIGUE! THE SUSPENSE! This morning I discovered that we still have one lump of homemade mozzarella I should use up, though I’m something of a one-trick pony when it comes to my mozzarella (and as much as I love pizza, I’m tiring of it). What else could I use it for? I also have… some leftover grilled chicken, undersalted multigrain noodles, some rice I forgot to cook yesterday (hmmm… I also have some risotto, but I don’t know if I can make that in the rice cooker), and plenty of potatoes (both sweet and white). Chances are my freezer has a variety of vegetables. And my pantry has a variety of… other stuff.
Oh, wait—PLOT TWIST!—I also have a package of crab meat in the freezer. I BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING!
Now you tell me what to make for dinner, on account of I wrote you this totally awesome and riveting account of my day. I think that’s fair.