Things to do with a half-numb face

By Mir
June 18, 2007

I had the cavity the dentist found on Friday filled first thing this morning, because nothing starts the day off better than a cheek full of novocaine. The dentist’s office was positively mobbed this morning—I guess lots of people have suffered all weekend and ask to be seen ASAP on Monday—and my teeny little cavity was a low priority. I suspect the dentist knew he’d be running between me and several other patients, because he injected about a gallon of novocaine into my face and then LEFT for half an hour.

Laying prone on a dentist chair while you stare at the ceiling and poke your rapidly-numbing face isn’t actually all that much fun after the first two minutes, it turns out.

So I got my filling, and realized I was really hungry, but my plans to stop for a bagel on the way home were thwarted because I wasn’t so much “sorta tingly” (as promised) as I was “drooling all over my shirt.”

Fortunately I had plenty to do at home.

First I fielded all of the new CraigsList mail. No, I will not deliver my washer and dryer to you six towns away. (I went back and edited my listing to be more clear on this point. Because apparently not actually STATING that I won’t deliver means that clearly I WILL deliver, because I have nothing better to do with my time.) Yes, you can come see that rug.

My favorite was the people who are very eager to come see the washing machines. I just… don’t quite understand that. What’s to SEE? They’re white. (I listed model numbers and such; maybe they’re checking for graffiti? Oh! Maybe they want to know if they’re solid oak or just oak veneer!)

After the various emails were answered, I started making a few phone calls I needed to make.

“Huwwo? I need oo awwange to turr da phoh off?”

Novocaine: Your ticket to making everything more fun!

Even better was when I headed out to my old (local) bank, later, to close out my accounts. I did it at noontime so as to draw death glares from the maximum number of people waiting on line during their lunch breaks. (Hey, I didn’t MEAN to. I thought they’d take me back to a desk and sit down with me, but no, the LONE teller just started writing out slips and offering me cash. Interesting.) (Apparently this is what happens when you walk up and says “Hi, I eed to cwose out mah accouwons.”)

I also took my car in to the dealership to have the oil changed, and just for fun I stopped in to the sales office to ask them what they’d give me for it (I’m trying to sell it before I leave), which meant I had to endure listening to the sales guy explain to me how REALLY, the $2.82 he’s offering me is not such a bad deal at all. (He tried to convince me that my car would be worth MUCH less in Georgia. Which, okay, perhaps you don’t make back the cost of the heated seats and whatnot, but the way he was talking, you’d think Georgia would kick me right out of the state for having a FOREIGN SUBARU.) I can’t help but wonder if my impaired facial coordination had something to do with his talking to me like I was a little slow.

Later, I realized it had been, like, FOUR HOURS and my face was still numb. Because I am calm and rational, I began to wonder if maybe I’d had not just a filling, but perhaps a filling and a small stroke. Then I popped open a Diet Coke—the very agent by which I probably ended up with that stupid cavity in the first place—and proceeded to spend the next hour trying to get more of it into my mouth than on my lap.

There was more email, and work, and some more packing of boxes (THE MANY ENDLESS BOXES), and by the time the kids got home from school the feeling had FINALLY returned to my lips.

And that was handy, because when Otto called tonight he was on the road on his way here. And it would’ve been a real shame if I couldn’t have cracked that grin when he said, “You know what this call is, right? This is the very last time we have to have a nightly phone call because we’re living apart.”

I so wanted to say, “I KNOW! And the next time I have a filling and my face is all paralyzed you’ll be right here and I can give you the play by play! YOU’RE SO LUCKY!”


  1. becky

    that’s so cool – you’re almost there! together! good luck with the rest of the move. and craigs list. (why does craigs list bring out the crazies? why?!)

  2. Barb Cooper

    Oh my gosh, MIR! I was laughing so hard that my husband thought maybe I was, um, in PAIN! (Is that a bad sign about my laughter or the state of my life?) Anyway, I hope the novacaine has worn off but that you aren’t in any (real) pain. Just the laughing kind. –Barb

  3. Suebob

    You are so funny. Only you can write perfectly in novocaine dialect.

  4. Otto

    FWIW, they allow FOREIGN SUBARUS in Georgia … I’m back in mine, pointing it north again …

  5. Cele

    The ending makes this a Marshmellow Mushy Monday Post (because it’s not Thursday.)

    Oh Mir you look stunningly short. ;)

  6. LadyBug Crossing

    LOL!!! As for the Subaru… you might want to hang on to it. It doesn’t snow much, but when it does, these southerners don’t know how to drive in it. You’ll need your Subaru to get out of their way!!!

  7. Brigitte

    Now I know I’d rather donate our matching crib and changing table to a rummage sale than try Craigslist! I’m antisocial at the best of times, with good people, I can’t imagine trying to deal with freaks on MY property and in MY house.

    I liked the maximum glare at the bank part – I used to be one of those people running around trying to get stuff at lunch hour, glaring at (for instance) the senior citizens in the check-out line, because they’ve got ALL day, why’d they pick lunch-hour time, etc. Now it’s astounding, as a stay-at-home mom, how frequently I’m accidentally in a check-out line at that time, feeling terribly guilty!

  8. Judy.

    Yay! Mir’s almost here. I know the thought that Otto was on his way to you for the very last time was absolutely thrilling. Finish packing… load everything… and get your butts back on the highway south. :-)

  9. Woman with Kids

    That’s awesome! The last nightly call…

    Hustle Otto!

  10. EasyDiverChris

    OK. What kind of dentist has you lie prone?

    Dr. Google says:

    prone = lying face downward

    Good think you’re leaving him behind (no pun intended).

    Best wishes for fun in the sun in GA

  11. Kristy

    I live in GA and I do use my heated seats…although usually it’s as a heating pad for my back, lol

  12. amanda

    I’m originally from SC and I bought my foreign car with heated seats down there, and did find occasion to use them. Freezing is still freezing, no matter where you live! I do wish that I hadn’t listened to the sales guy who told me I’d never need 4 WD though. He should have come and dug me out when we had the ice and snow this winter!

  13. Rachel May

    Yaaaaaaaay!!! Hurry, Otto!!!!

    I’m so happy for you guys!

  14. Sophie

    “… way he was talking, you’d think Georgia would kick me right out of the state for having a FOREIGN SUBARU…” Ha! SNORT!

  15. Daisy

    Do you have a Habitat ReStore in your area? We have one, and it’s a store that accepts donations of household items and sells them to benefit Habitat for Humanity. Your things would go to a good cause, they’d be out of your hair, and you’d get a tax deduction.
    And they’d love your new novocaine dialect, I’m sure.

  16. Genevieve

    Hooray for Otto on the way! No more living apart nightly phone calls!

    Did you ever watch The West Wing? They had a great episode where C.J., the press secretary, had an unexpected root canal. “I had woot canaw! I have to cancew the bwiefing!” “Why?” “Because I can’t even SAY bwiefing!”

  17. Beth Reid

    I live in North Carolina, also demonstrably Southern (just listen to my husband talk if you are in any doubt) and Subarus are so thick on the ground that I routinely pick the wrong one when I exit a store and try to let myself into it before I realize, wait, *this* car isn’t filled with trash and therefore can’t be mine. I know there are at least five at our day care, one precisely identical to mine except for the trash. I don’t know exactly why they’re so popular, but they are – maybe it’s because it rarely snows/ices in the South but when it does it takes a Southern state’s whopping two snowplows quite a while to clear the roads.

    Did anyone else notice that “Otto and Mir Reunion” scans just like “Mother and Child Reunion”? Now I’m humming. Have a great trip you guys!

  18. Aimee

    Yay! for the last dang-it-we’re-apart phone call. That is EXCELLENT. I hope for you a veryveryveryveryvery trouble-free moving experience.

  19. ScottsdaleGirl

    I shall echo all the “YAY”s and say YAY! for you and Otto and the kidlets! WOO!

  20. jenn

    Mr. Clairol works for a dealership and I HATE the sales staff. SO smarmy. I actually let one of the staff (new guy) try for 45 minutes to talk me into a new Beetle convertible. You should have seen his face when Art came walking out asking if I was ready to go. No commision on sales to employees. Heh heh heh.

  21. liv

    yay! and they lived happily ever after…. :) :)

  22. Barb Cooper

    Okay, I don’t know what is WRONG with me but the whole Novocaine dialect keeps making me laugh out loud. I did it again when I read Genevieve’s comment. I’m kind of appalled–I mean, what’s next? What if I meet someone with a bad stutter and I just can’t control myself? I’m definitely on a slippery slope here. (But still giggling.)

  23. Mimipz5wjj

    I had to laugh at the novocaine thing too! My dentist had to give me 3 shots of it before I numbed up enough and then I was numb all day long!

    And Yay Otto! Drive safely!!!

  24. Erika, Plain Jane Mom

    I don’t even know you yet I am really excited for you and Otto to get started, you know, living together. Yay!!

  25. tuney.

    Why do you need to get rid of the car? Did you find some kind of transporter device at Target that you haven’t alerted us about? Cuz really, that second car isn’t a luxury. OH! Maybe you’re gonna have a cart pulled by Goatpeople! I get it! Silly me…

  26. Ayla

    That’s one thing I don’t miss the dentist.
    Who I haven’t been to since I was eight.
    So it’s been a while.
    Least I don’t have Marble Mouth Syndrome. :)


    You are so hilarious! I’m just one state over in Alabama, and I can tell you that you belong in the south! I can also tell you that Georgia won’t kick you out because of your car (as long as you put some Georgia Tech or Roll Tide bumper stickers on it somewhere :)

  28. tuney.

    Karen, because of her new location, I’m pretty sure THOSE TWO things would get her run out of GA without benefit of the customary mint julep. The only thing worse would be an Auburn sticker, which I would be glad to provide. Not to get you kicked out, Mir, just to make your goatcart cooler. :)

  29. Angel

    Ugh I’ve been having tooth issues myself this week–I feel your pain (literally).

    I’m SO glad you’re almost reunited with your hubby :))))

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