Redefining healthy

By Mir
November 9, 2006

So Monkey has a cold, and as it goes when Monkey gets a cold, it grabs him and throttles him and he is miserable for about two weeks. And just when I’m starting to think about pinching his head between two or three fingers to stop the whining, I come down with the same cold, and then I lose the will to do, well, anything.

But today was Monkey’s rescheduled allergist appointment (because the original appointment was a bust) and I dragged the children and my phlegmy self over there (and got lost again! Yay! but not quite as badly as before) and we ended up spending TWO HOURS. And having tests, and getting new medications. So, progress.

About halfway through the appointment, the doctor casually mentioned that we should think about having Monkey referred to another doctor to test him for cystic fibrosis. And then MY HEART EXPLODED.

Half an hour and a lung capacity function test later, she took it back and said it was just asthma. And then I killed her, because that half hour took about twenty years off of my life. On the up side, it sure did put the sniffles, sneezes, wheezes and scrawniness into perspective. I’m almost sorry I killed her.


  1. Valbee

    Wow. It seems strange to me that a doctor would bring that up this late in the game. My cousin has CF and she was diagnosed when she was an infant (she’s 38 now).

    But, yeah, I would have wanted to throttle the doctor for mentioning it so casually, especially on a first visit. I don’t think I like this allergist you’re going to, Mir. Not that my opinion counts, but after the treatment you received last time and now this? Ick.

    Here’s hoping you get some answers, though! :)

  2. Karen Rani

    I so wish I could bring you here and make you chicken soup, and truck that Monkey of yours up to our very amazing children’s hospital where the doctors don’t scare the crap outta parents.
    Sorry you had to go through that. Sheesh.

  3. Becca

    I agree, it’s really late for CF to be diagnosed.

    As a proud asthmatic I say, bring on the asthma questions! It’s something I actually feel qualified to comment on.

  4. Mir

    Why isn’t my Nyquil working?

    I made a comment about it being late for diagnosis, too, and she said something about all different types and presentations of CF, blah blah blah, which really didn’t address the issue of it never being a good idea to SCARE THE CRAP out of people.

  5. kip

    I feel for you. The doctor told my mother he thought I had cystic fibrosis. What I ended up having was celiac sprue. amazing, right? Sorry about the family cold. :-(

  6. Plain Jane Mom

    WOW, “casually?” Like maybe if she just worked it into the conversation it wouldn’t give you a stroke?? At least you were able to do the tests for CF right then. I would have thought that they’d schedule them for a few weeks from now for maximum devastating effect.

    Very glad it turned out well.

  7. Allanna

    I would have had to look at the allergist (and try to keep a straight face and/or not kill her) and say “Must. Restrain. Fist. Of. Death.”

    I’m glad that your heart didn’t really explode. And I hope that the family pestilence passes asap. (If nothing else, repeat your mantra: “Feeee-yaaaaaahn-saaaaaaay.” It’ll probably make most things seem tons better. ^_^)

  8. daring one

    Almost is right. I wouldn’t be too sorry. Now you can tackle the new enemy. I’m glad the pieces are starting to come together.

  9. Cele

    You killed her too fast. Now lasting enjoyment, nothing of her excrutiating pain experienced as you pinched her head between two or three fingers. You went light on her.

    one word…AIRBORNE!

  10. Fold My Laundry Please

    “We’re going to be running a few more tests, get some prescriptions filled out, and, oh did I mention that you only have 1 week to live? No? Well I could be wrong.”

    Nyquil, the sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, pass out on the kitchen floor, so you can rest medicine. I hope you and Monkey are feeling better soon. Being sick really stinks!

  11. angelfeet

    I really do think that all doctors need to be issued a new manual, entitled “D’oh! People have feelings – Welcome to the World outside the surgery” and should be forced to sit a test: “Diplomacy I – think before you open your gob.”

  12. Brigitte

    The two people I’ve known with CF (both have passed away) were also diagnosed in infancy, I think one of the many doctors seen over Monkey’s lifetime would have noticed already if that’s what he had!

    I hope you’re working on scoping out some better doctors in your probable future home . . . and maybe the weather there is better for keeping snuffly problems away.

  13. Sara

    My eyes were as wide as dinner plates as I read your post. Gah!! Apparently the doc lacks a brain to mouth filter. Hope the new meds are effective and that you are all on the mend soon. I find there’s almost nothing more annoying than trying to sleep when you have a cold.

  14. tori

    They thought my son had CF when he was a baby, and I was terrified. It turned out to “just” be asthma too. I am with you on it taking years off my life. Are you sure Monkey and my son aren’t the same person? It sure seems like it! Can I send you some cookies or something? Cookies make everything better…especially when everyone is sick! Hope you feel better soon!

  15. Carmen

    Oh, ack, asthma. I’ve got tons of experience with this, as four of my kids definitely have it, and one is a probable. I’ll answer any questions, if you need.

    Hang in there, Mir. And shoot the allergist, while you are at it.

  16. lisa in NJ

    They wanted to do the CF test on my son too, it also is asthma. Are you sure are kids are not twins? Seems like Monkey and my ANthony have the same allergy issues, along with the “potenial adhd” issue. How did that test go?

  17. Brooke

    I went through a lot of health problems with my son but when they thought he might have CF, it was the worst moment. I was alone, living in Cali away from my family, and they couldn’t get his O2 sats above 86%, even with oxygen. Casually, just as yours had, they mentioned the possiblity of CF. I freaked the fuck out! Immediate admission to the hospital and I sat there and held him while they did the sweat test.
    I’m so thankful it was negative. But damn, was that scary! Nothing worse than your little one straining to breathe and there’s not a thing you can do to help.

  18. Em

    This may not be the time for a joke but (here goes), maybe she tested him for the CF so the asthma diagnosis wouldn’t seem so bad. Think about how much more upset you would have been having your son diagnosed with asthma if, not 5 minutes before, you feared that he had a life threatening disease. See? She shaved years off of your life to soften the blow. Wasn’t that nice? You should send her something – like flowers or a box with a spring loaded boxing glove.

  19. Aimee

    I’m with Cele. Next time, a long painful death. You can channel Prince Humperdink and say, “I killed you too quickly the last time, I mistake I don’t mean to duplicate tonight.” Then you can switch parts, and give her Westley’s “to the pain” speech. Trust me, it will make you feel better to call her a “warthog-faced buffoon.” Works for me, every time.

  20. marlaroo

    Lack of bedside manner notwithstanding, the “putting it all into perspective” thing is HUGE. When my oldest son was 5, we started down the road of diagnosing a pretty major yet still mysterious health issue. The earliest bloodwork showed a scary sugar level and for three days before the retest, I was scared to death that my kid would have to live with Type 1 diabetes all his life. The retest came back perfectly normal, and after that, the diagnosis of a surgically correctable kidney obstruction seemed like small potatoes. Perspective is good.

    I’m glad you and the allergist together are making progress. Progress is good, too.

  21. Deanna

    Oy Mir! Hugs. I admire your restraint for not punching her in the face. I hope the tests all come back..uh..positive? So you have an answer? Uh..negative, so you don’t have to worry? Uh…Let’s just say I hope you get an answer that satisfies you and makes Monkey better!

  22. MMM

    Sorry to hear that happened to you, but I’m glad it’s “only” asthma. Mine is finally outgrowing hers, and it’s wonderful!!It tooke her until she was 4 to even be diagnosed with asthma, now she’s 10, and ALMOST free of it. Don’t know if she ever will be completely, but this was one sickly child, so it’s great to see her getting better and better, and not spending 4 weeks at a time sick, like she used to!

  23. Megan

    What HORRIBLE bed-side manner. To say something like that so casually is apalling. She had it coming!

  24. Jenn2

    OH MY GOD!!!!! Why do doctors say things like that? Does this woman not have children???

  25. Avalon

    Don’t feel sorry. She deserved to be killed. Stupid, ignorant, mother-scaring doctor.

  26. Mary Tsao

    CF! Let me over there and I’ll throttle her for you! So sorry, Mir. Can I just say that I hope you have a relaxing weekend and that there’s some lemonade flavored hot theraflu in your future.

  27. Woman with Kids

    I’m glad he’s alright. When Boy 1 was a baby, he was tiny. Dr. mentioned that if he didn’t gain X number of pounds in a few weeks, they were going to start testing him for scary diseases. I drove home crying and accidentally ran into my own house when parking.

    He gained weight, false alarm, never mind.

  28. Dawn

    “And then I killed her”
    I will totally testify for you that she deserved it.

  29. Rachael

    Heart explosions with a cold on top of it??? That’s it. Forget the cookies. Eat lots and lots of CHOCOLATE. Mix it in with the thera flu and alka seltzer, ok?

    Geez. And my docs told me my preemie son would grow out of the acid reflux after 9 months of age. And yet he still spews formula, baby food and juice miles on end.

    ((HUGS)) Mir.

  30. Tuesday

    Some doctors just have zero common sense.
    I have asthma and I am so scared my children will inherit it from me. It is terrible.

  31. Melanie

    So, it’s true, then – you DO kill people. Well, at least she deserved it.

  32. Steff

    Agree with Melanie! I assume allergy induced asthma, which hopefully with new medicine and a soon to be new climate (GA) he will be feeling better soon! Rest and take care of each other.

  33. Amy-Go

    Sooooo…you’re telling me you went BACK to a doctor who would not see you for being 12 minutes late? Are you kidding me? I believe I would’ve taken my money elsewhere…and after this inhuman display of bedside manner I KNOW I would be shopping for a new allergist. Please. It’s called customer service, people, and yes, patients are customers, too. I want to smack her just reading this. SO SORRY you had to go through this! Hugs from Kansas! :(

  34. Gillian

    I think you should stick with the killed her. Then you should find a doctor who is not an unfeeling robot who can drop bombs on your head like confetti. That is way out of bounds behavior. You do not need this doctorish person in your life.

  35. InterstellarLass

    No one casually mentions CF. Some doctors have NO bedside manner.

  36. Genevieve

    OY, the allergist needs a remedial Do Not Casually and Unnecessarily Terrify Parents class.

    My kiddo is much healhier since he started taking asthma meds. Less time sick, better growth, overall looks well.

  37. vanessa

    dude. I cannot BELIEVE that she would casually mention CF. Stupid idiot woman.

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