March 31, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Retail Therapy

Get up. Remind children not to touch anything. Encourage them to play on the computer, as that involves moving only a chair and a mouse.

Bake triple-berry muffins, because it makes the house smell good. (”Mmmmm, this house smells great. Let’s buy it!”) Feed muffins to children for breakfast. Argue with one boychild who would rather have a pop-tart than a freshly-baked muffin wherein the berries are—horrors!!—still identifiable. Try to reason with him. Try to cajole him. Dare him to taste the muffin. Lose temper and call him a freak. Tell him you told him so when he finally tries it and declares it good.

Shower. Get dressed. Have children get dressed. Make all the beds. Arrange all the towels just so. Go dry hair. Discover children messing up the towels. Yell. Catch yourself, stop yelling. Rearrange towels. (more…)

March 30, 2007 | Friends

[Note: Today I am fever-free, and it is with renewed zeal that I have decided to LIIIIIIVE!

That renewed zeal was somewhat dampened by the phone call requesting a showing of my (germy, dirty) house this very afternoon, but I am verrrrry sloooowwwwwly dragging my pale shell of a self around and cleaning.]

Quite a few folks I adore are blogging about Stop Cyberbullying Day, and although I don’t think I have anything new or insightful to add, I will say this: There are people behind the shiny screen. Yes! Truly! Actual living, breathing people and not just a 2-dimensional aggravating internet floating around, disembodied. There are people out there, and they have feelings just like you do, and families and hopes and dreams and fears, and don’t be an asshole to them just because you can’t see their faces. The end.

Now. Go find a blogger who’s having a hard day and say something nice. And remember, if you don’t have anything nice to say, maybe you should shut your yap. (I say that with love in my heart, you know.)

March 29, 2007 | Health is overrated, Haven't been hit by lightning yet!

Pro: I’m not hungry, so I don’t have to cook/eat!
Con: The children still expect to be fed.

Pro: Less laundry, because I’ve been wearing the same clothes for three days.
Con: I probably don’t smell very good.

Pro: I’m able to sit up for ten or fifteen minutes at a time.
Con: That’s just enough time to obsess about all the work I’m not getting done.

Pro: The spam I got about “doing it camel style” made me laugh and laugh.
Con: Is there really such a thing as camel style? How does that… oh, nevermind.

Time to go back to bed.

March 27, 2007 | Health is overrated

I have the flu.

Know how I know? Because a nice doctor took a giant Q-tip and put it up my nose and swabbed my brain and said “Congratulations, you have the flu!” As I was hooked up to an IV and trying not to puke at the time I was perhaps not as excited as she would’ve liked. I don’t know.

I am too sick to be online but my laptop is here in my bed and even with a temperature of 104 it eventually gets boring to do nothing but sleep. But now that I’ve been sitting up for five minutes I have to go take a nap.

Back in a few days.

March 26, 2007 | Health is overrated

Guess what I brought home from New York City! Go on, GUESS!

If you guess a BIG ASS VIRUS CURRENTLY CHEWING UP MY LUNG TISSUE, you win a prize. Unfortunately for you, the prize is me coughing all over you. Sorry ’bout that.

When will I learn not to lick people on the subway? Honestly, you can’t take me ANYWHERE.

March 25, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience", Friends, Job? Huh?

So. BlogHer Business ‘07. I had this awesome post rattling around in my head about the overarching vibe of the conference. I was thinking about it all the long (silent!) drive home, and I was eager to sit down and make sense of it and communicate to you all just how different and awesome it was. Not that this past summer’s BlogHer in San Jose wasn’t also great, because it was, but some of the follow-on from that event was less-than-lovely, and I just don’t see that happening this time, for various reasons.

I was all set to lay it all out and share with you many epiphanies about what made the difference and why and how incredibly great it was, but then I discovered that Liz already wrote the post I had in mind. Damn her! If not for the fact that she is hilarious and fun to hang around with AND let me feel her belly when her baby had the hiccups, I’d probably be annoyed. But read her take, because she nailed it. (more…)

March 24, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

This country mouse has arrived back home, and despite the rather jarring sight of coming around the corner and seeing a gigantic FOR SALE sign in my yard, I’ve never been so delighted to be back.

Oh my holy heck, it is so LOUD in New York City. I swear that by the time I left, I could feel my brain vibrating. One more day in Manhattan and I feel certain that I would’ve developed a nervous twitch.

There’s so much about the trip that I will share tomorrow—from the conference itself to my baby-snatching propensity—but tonight I have to tell you about the trip back home. (more…)

March 22, 2007 | It's not a regret, it's an "experience"

Tonight I: spent an amount of money on dinner that would cause me to curl up in a little ball and hyperventilate if it were not a business expense, walked enough to give myself a few impressive blisters, and was stepped on by a very drunk man who veered into me on the sidewalk.

Yes, I can see why people find the city so irresistible.

(But it is a pretty neat time, here. Today I liveblogged a session and met a bunch of interesting people and had a massage at a cocktail party, and how often can you say THAT? It kind of balances out the being stepped on by a drunk part.)

March 21, 2007 | What do I do all day?

So far I am surviving in New York City despite the apparent neon sign on my forehead which is flashing CLUELESS TOURIST. And we have been carefully feeding and watering Chris with hypoallergenic substances so that I don’t have to either jab her with her EpiPen or administer CPR while we call 911.

Walking around in a city of—what, eighty gazillion people?—made me realize in a whole new way that I require a certain amount of personal space to feel sane. Being pressed in by throngs of people very much makes me want to scream. Loudly. Not that anyone would notice, here. (more…)

March 20, 2007 | Friends, Job? Huh?

I last went to New York City about twenty years ago. My father took me there for a weekend; I was still, in my teenage wisdom, planning to become the next Meryl Streep, and needed to go to an audition in Manhattan to secure a spot in a prestigious summer theater program. (I was accepted and went and had a great time and went on to win several Oscars. Well, maybe not that last part.) We ate a lot of good food and I spent a couple of hours sitting slack-jawed with wonder at a Broadway show, and best of all, I had my Daddy to protect me from the vermin of the city.

Now I will only have Chris to protect me, which should be sufficient if all I need to do to repel a mugger is show him that I’ve tucked my favorite little sparrow robot into my purse like a talisman. (more…)