I’ve decided I’m never going home.

Well–to be fair–I’ve also decided that I am the firm yet benevolent dictator of several small, tropical island nations, and that Michael Jackson will stand up in court on the day of his sentencing and unzip his face and remove that hideous mask, revealing himself to be a glowing, forked-tongue alien underneath. So my decisions are admirable and all, but not necessarily, you know, true.

Details.

Anyway, I am vastly enjoying my escape from reality. Though I cannot decide if the things that make me happy indicate that I am easily pleased (shut up) or that I need help.

Reasons that there is currently joy in my heart:

1) I had a row of three seats all to myself on the airplane, and I was able to stretch out and enjoy a lovely nap. A NAP! On a THURSDAY! Such decadence.

2) There was a toddler in the row behind me with whom I had a scintillating conversation, exactly of the depth my current state of mind could handle.
Her: Hi!
Me: Hi!
Her: Hi!
Me: I think you said that already.
Her: Bababababababaaaaaa!
Me: Indeed.
Her: Hi!
Me: Wow, deja vu.
(etc.)

3) Last night’s dinner was delicious and COOKED BY SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME and SERVED BY SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME and I didn’t have to cut up anybody else’s food or tell anyone to PLEASE. SIT. DOWN. NOW. or declare that my eardrums were bleeding at any point.

4) I slept and slept and slept some more, and maybe later? I will take a(nother) nap! Just because!

5) My coffee was handed to me this morning with the cream already in it. Because I am far too delicate to fix my own coffee. And because I am on vacation, dammit.

6) The shower here makes a very satisfying meditative WHOOSHing sound while the water comes charging out of the showerhead and flattens the showerer (showeree?) to the tub floor. (See? Delicate flower.) Good water pressure is worth its weight in gold, particularly if you live in a house where the dripping faucet on the first floor causes the shower on the second floor to slow to a trickle. Plus, it removes the need to exfoliate, as half your skin goes down the drain pretty much no matter what.

7) I took about two hours to dry my hair this morning. Okay, maybe not that long. But a really long time. Which was oddly indulgent. I had nowhere to be and nothing to do other than to just try to fluff up the remaining 6 strands of hair on my head that hadn’t been blasted off in the shower spray.

8) I dutifully went to log on to my remote access of my home email and was unable to do so due to some change in their infrastructure. (“We’re sorry! In order to access the newly redesigned system remotely, you must connect the FIRST time from a computer connected to your cable modem! Please retry from your home computer!”) So I couldn’t very well send that email in to work saying “Let me know if you need anything” which I’d been intending to send. Cuz, uh, it’s not like I have Gmail or Yahoo! or anything.

9) The sun is shining.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have go do… nothing.