Alternately, Stuff I did while avoiding doing actual work.
Or even, I am super productive when I’m procrastinating.

* Missed seeing a friend on her birthday because I am so disorganized.
* Apologized to said friend and made plans for later this week.
* Realized I hadn’t seen another friend in far too long; made more plans.
* Talked with a third friend about future plans when she returns from a trip.
* Spent a full five minutes marveling at how far I’ve come since my cave-dwelling hermit days because THREE FRIENDS! PLANS! SOCIAL! WOOOOOO!
* Stripped all beds, washed sheets, made up all beds.
* Laid down on freshly made bed wondering if there is anything better in the whole world than fresh, clean sheets on an unrumpled bed.
* Was immediately joined by a dog with muddy paws. (You know in cartoons how there’s an audible *POP* when a character’s happy bubble is burst? It was like that.)
* Did more laundry.
* Stalked my husband’s social media to see how his trip was going.
* Talked to my husband on the phone and assured him that I wasn’t worried at all.
* Texted with my daughter during the car parts of their journey (Her: I’m boooored! Me: Try talking to Otto…?) and enjoyed the radio silence that signified having-too-much-fun-to-talk during the non-car parts.
* Actually participated in a telephone survey about my grocery shopping habits, because I felt bad for the guy doing the call. (“Now let’s discuss the produce section at your local market….” Yes, let’s!)
* Watched the season finale of Sister Wives, a show I never watch, but then I missed the critical last few minutes because our DVR took over to record something else. I was annoyed until I remembered that I don’t care.
* Exercised for twice as long as usual on both Saturday and Sunday. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
* Grocery shopped and remembered everything I meant to buy, except I couldn’t find any oat bran.
* On my way to checkout, found oat bran on a clearance table. (This is what passes for excitement on a Sunday morning, okay?)
* Made a giant batch of beans because it makes me feel morally superior to cook dried beans and freeze to pull as needed rather than using cans. (Also because I was out of beans in the freezer.)
* Harvested and roasted eggplant for tonight’s eggplant parmigiana.
* Picked tomatoes. So many tomatoes. All of the tomatoes. Spoiler alert: made tomato sauce.
* Picked and froze jalapeños.
* Made shrimp scampi for my shrimp-loving boychild. Earned many Mom Points.
* Baked a batch of banana-cranberry-oat bran muffins that came out as yummy muffins and not hockey pucks.
* Made a big jar of enchilada sauce for later this week.
* Burned the crap out of my index finger with the brilliant decision to scrape off the enchilada spoon WITH MY FINGER even though the sauce was boiling and the spoon was metal. Am smart.
* Dishes. And then more dishes. And more dishes.
* Vacuumed.
* Cleaned my desk.
* Broke down a bunch of boxes for recycling. (Note that I NEVER do this. I throw them into the bin still as boxes and then Otto asks me why I do that and I tell him it’s part of my charm. I offer this by way of illustration of exactly how committed I was to this procrastination thing.)
* Cleaned bathrooms.
* Watched my son play some weird video game he’s always playing where his Super Special Sword Thing kind of looks like a long-necked banjo. He made many words about what he was doing. I listened carefully even though none of it made any sense to me.
* Went to bed earlyish last night even though I knew Otto and Chickadee would be home late because I knew I’d have to get up early today to finish the work I didn’t do over the weekend.
* Was jolted awake by barking dogs in the middle of the night when my darlings returned.
* Recovered from the near-heart-attack induced by barking by laughing myself silly over the fact that Duncan was convinced Otto was an intruder because he couldn’t see him and was sleep-confused. Poor Otto had to enter our room verrrrrryyyyyy slooooowwwwlyyyyy and offer many doggie platitudes before Duncan was willing to stand down from his alert.
* Was mostly unable to sleep because of worrying about the amount of work I still need to do.

In conclusion: Clean house; full fridge; still dumb.