As an added bonus to my usual case of return-from-flying-the-friendly-skies-in-a-giant-germ-filled-metal-tube plague, both kids appear to have… something… as well. As in, they were sick before I got home, so I didn’t give it to them. No one is deathly ill, we’re all just ill-ish (is that a thing? I feel like if I were cooler, ill-ish would actually be a compliment, no?) and grumpy and SUPER FUN TO BE AROUND. Also, shut up and stop looking at me.
Needless to say, this has made that whole getting-back-into-the-swing-of-things endeavor even more painful than anticipated. Because what now? We’re out of milk? And you can’t have cereal because there’s no milk? Why don’t YOU go to the store for more milk? The fact that you’re not old enough to drive is not an excuse. Wait, you ARE old enough to drive, but your meaniepants parents won’t let you get your learner’s permit? It’s probably because they want you to die alone, carless, and without any milk. Clearly.
A couple of days ago Monkey started the day by flinging himself down on the floor of my room while I was in the shower, and when I emerged he told me he felt “really sick.” I assumed he was dying, but it turns out he just has sniffles and was really sleepy. Still! Points for identifying feeling yucky!
I don’t know if it’s a post-conference thing or a school’s-about-to-start thing or just a random thing, but I find myself doing a mental catalogue of events in a way that distills them down to aphorisms. Then I feel kind of self-satisfied and wise, and I think things like “I should totally put this on a bumper sticker!” (After which I then think “… for people who are new to our planet,” because… right.)
Mind you, this all comes to you from someone who can barely remember to buy milk, so take it for what it’s worth (exactly what you spent on it). But feel free to use any and all of the following:
Walk softly and carry a big Tide pen. I made several new friends (and impressed old ones) at BlogHer because I always have a Tide pen in my purse. And I like to think it’s just part of my charm that the obvious rejoinder to “Oh, you are SO SMART” is “No, I just drop food on myself a lot.”
Good cooking is like life—first you have to learn the rules, then figure out which ones to bend. Have I ever mentioned that I’m suspicious of people who tell me they “can’t” cook? I am. It’s one thing to say, “This isn’t interesting to me and I would rather pay other people to prepare my food,” but quite another to claim that you’re just inherently bad at it and therefore should be excused. People who fall into that latter category perplex me. Also I think cooking is a kind of life meditation. (Also, I like to eat.) And the corollary…
… Life is too short to skip what tastes good. All things in moderation, I know—I would never suggest we all go whole-hog on the Paula Deen 2-sticks-of-butter-in-everything plan—but remember when I vowed not to skip dessert? One of my better insights, I think, be it literal or figurative. Maybe nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but when Kate Moss or whoever said that I doubt she had a pint of Ben & Jerry’s at the end of a long, hot summer’s day. Just sayin’.
Always go with the good stuff. To continue the food thing, lest you think I do nothing but sit around eating ice cream (I wish), y’know I mostly cook healthy stuff, and even my “unhealthy” stuff often has hidden goodness in it to pump up the nutrition. I put Greek yogurt in cornbread. I add protein powder to brownies for the kids. I don’t do full-on Sneaky Chef level hijinks, but part of how I just kind of eat the stuff I want is to make sure that most of what I want isn’t as bad for me as it might be. When I expanded this theory to life interactions, SURPRISE! It made me a more pleasant human. Like, assuming someone is going to treat you well and/or has your best interest at heart makes for a nicer life. WEIRD.
There’s very few times when drinking a glass of water is a bad idea. If you really have to pee or you’re actively vomiting, I guess you should skip the water. But the rest of the time? Go for it. Hungry? Drink some water. Thirsty? Obviously. Sick? Help your body flush out the bad stuff by drinking water. Bored? Drink some water! It’s good for you! (Call me, water, I’d like to be your spokesperson. I am a fan of hydration.)
Naps are underrated. I have no idea why naps get a bad rap. Sure, there’s not always time for them, but when there is, whoa. Sleep is good. Naps fix what something yummy and a glass of water doesn’t.
See, I’m wise like Buddha. I do not understand why “Put your laundry away, and drink some water!” doesn’t receive all kinds of fanfare ’round here. It’s possible my children just need a little more time to reach my level of enlightenment.