Minutiae for your Monday

I have a variety of not-long-enough-to-be-a-complete-post stories which are either 1) still interesting enough for sharing or 2) mind-numbingly dull but I don’t realize that and insist you must know, and therefore that shall result in this, a disjointed mishmash of unrelated things all in one place. It’s just like my junk drawer! Only with more words and fewer pen caps!! (Moral of this story: If you need a paperclip and a button, I’m your gal.)

There’s a slight twinge of remorse here that I don’t have a more exciting life or whatever, but on the other hand, I got up this morning and brought up Facebook and was immediately presented with several hundred of my closest friends (haaaaaaaa) complaining about snow. And I’m not doing that! This is going to be WAY more interesting (to me)!

Though—speaking of weather—we had a gray, rainy weekend, and nothing makes me adore my spoiled rotten dog more than a few days of rain. While her lovable traits are numerous, the fact that she will leap at the door as if bladder explosion is imminent (ZOMG MUST GO OUT NOW NOW NOW OPEN THE DOOR I’M DYING!!!), then will poke her head out onto the porch once the door is opened, listen to the rain for a moment, and flounce back inside, all, “Just kidding, did you know it was RAINING out there? I just had my hairs did. I’ll just flop down on your couch and cross my legs for a while and take a nap,” is endlessly hilarious to me. This is a dog who was picked up as a stray, clearly in terrible shape. What have we done over the last three+ years that now has her convinced she’s far too delicate to even get WET?

* * * * *

The most pressing issue of the day/weekend is that somehow, when we weren’t looking, Monkey seems to have picked up a 3-pack-a-day smoking habit. At least, that’s what I have to conclude based upon his voice and hacking cough. He woke up on Sunday sounding like Patty and Selma from the Simpsons. I don’t think it’s anything serious, but it’s always amazing to me how he’s fine one minute and festering plague the next. There’s never any warning with him. Ever the doting mother, I went out and bought him some popsicles, and I have to say I am ASTONISHED that he’s not better now. I mean, I bought the real-fruit-juice kind and everything.

* * * * *

Remember the whole what color should I paint my offiiiiiiiice? whine? I’d ordered some paint samples and then left them in various places around my office for a week before concluding that yes, I did indeed know what I wanted, and I should go ahead and order it. [Sidebar: Thank you for all of the warnings about yellow. I did order several shades of yellow, but in the end I just wasn’t feeling it. Oasis it is!]

I went on the website for this paint and clicked on the “order paint” link—the same place where I’d had zero difficulty ordering sample chips the previous week—only to discover that the way this works is that you have to pick the paint up from an authorized dealer. Oh. Okay, then. Just plug your zip code into the little doohickey and find out what stores in your area work with this retailer. Fair enough. WELL HEY, it turns out that my closest “authorized store” is 85 miles away. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Look, I’m never going to claim that I’m not, you know, more than the average level of crazy, but I am not drive-170-miles-for-a-gallon-of-paint crazy. So I did what seemed to be the logical thing, which was I called their customer service number because SURELY that was an error of the store-finder widget thingie, right? RIGHT? Someone took a message and said they’d look into it and call me back. A week later, no call had come, so I called again, and this time the company owner called me back, herself, full of apologies for the delay. And she was super sweet, so for a brief moment, driving 170 miles for a can of paint almost seemed less insane (but the moment passed). She is now “researching delivery possibilities” for me, because I guess if any local contractors are using their paints, we can maybe piggyback my order on someone else’s and get someone else’s delivery truck to bring my paint to town…? It’s all very complicated, and really, I just wanted a gallon of pretty paint and I’m starting to lose hope. We’ll see what I find out this week.

In the meantime, because I am a giant brat, I have taken to intoning, “THIS IS NOT AN OASIS!” to my ugly brown office walls, in a stern and accusing voice.

* * * * *

In the latest chapter of my gradual and alarming transformation into a Genuine Hippie (as opposed to being a Pretend Hippie, which is what Otto and I have assumed ourselves to be ever since Monkey began attending Hippie School), I ordered a particular vitamin/herbal supplement from Amazon after much research as to its application and efficacy. Said supplement is heavy in B12, which is one of those things which People Who Know Medical Stuff say is always more effective if delivered sublingually, because something something absorption rates blah blah intestine walls somethingorother. (Sorry if that was too technical.) SO I ordered a sublingual tablet form of said supplement from Amazon, is my point.

It arrived and my packing slip said “sublingual tablet.” The shrink wrap on the bottle itself said “sublingual tablets.” And that made perfect sense because the bottle was labeled as (and filled with)… capsules. Huh.

The nice customer service rep in my chat window started things off right by calling me Kamin, because… I don’t know. (My account name there is “M. Kamin” and maybe that was perplexing.) Anyway, he kept asking me, “How can I help you, Kamin?” and saying, “I can generate a return label for you, Kamin,” and I was sitting here typing and giggling. It doesn’t take much. And in the end I was told to return my product and go ahead and reorder. But when I pointed out that the product was mislabeled and so I was not feeling confident I’d get the thing I ordered if I tried again, the CSR told me that if I get the wrong item a second time, they’ll remove the listing from the website. Oh, WELL THEN. Please allow me to waste a bunch of time and money and energy to help you fix your inventory problem! I mean, why just go send a human to take a look at what’s up in the warehouse when you could just have me place multiple orders and get annoyed repeatedly? OBVIOUSLY. Yeah, no.

I am envisioning the Soup Nazi. “NO B12 FOR YOU!” But… but… I JUST WANTED TO BE HEALTHY!

* * * * *

My lovely daughter is not what you would call a morning person. Last year on her birthday, we gave her (among other things; we’re not totally mean) a Clocky. I had high hopes that FINALLY we’d come up with an alarm clock SO ANNOYING that she couldn’t possibly oversleep. Silly me. In case you are unfamiliar with Clocky, I know this video is grainy, but the dogs crack me up, and here’s what it does:

Bear in mind, Licorice sleeps in Chickadee’s room. Every morning Clocky goes off—leaping to the floor from her bookcase, whirling around and making more and more noise—and Chickadee completely ignores it while the dog freaks out. Awesome. Also awesome: she doesn’t get up on time and mornings are rushed and unpleasant.

This particular morning she had set Clocky to go off even earlier than usual, which meant that I was sitting here at my desk when it happened, directly underneath the spot on the floor where Clocky THUDs into action. While I knew that somehow my darling diva was ignoring the world’s most annoying clock in the morning, I guess I had assumed that she was getting up, turning it off, and going back to bed. After five straight minutes of listening to it whir and click and beep (and hearing Licorice leaping on and off the bed in a frantic “HEY HEY HEY DO YOU HEAR THAT AWFUL THING HUH DO YOU??” dance), I finally ran upstairs, annoyed, opened her door, turned on the light, and commenced trying to figure out how to turn the clock off.

“Why’d you do that?” she said, squinting into the light. “It’s not time for me to get up yet.” I looked at the clock. I looked at her. I backed away, slowly, because there is no reasoning with teenagers.

* * * * *

As if the clock thing wasn’t enough, Chickadee then left for school in a skirt and sheer tights and NO COAT (because no one wears a coat, Mom, SHEESH) and then proceeded to text me from the bus about how she cold she was. Because I am a sympathetic and loving mother, I replied that it was such a shame that she didn’t own a coat… OH WAIT. She responded that she didn’t own a coat for her LEGS or her FACE.

So then I suggested that next time she wear some leggings and also Monkey’s Batman mask. (Fortunately she found that amusing; that was the sort of thing that could’ve gone either way.) In a parallel universe a teen has that convo and then wears weather-appropriate clothes the following day, but in THIS universe I feel like probably my daughter is going to be wearing a Batman mask to school tomorrow.

I wonder if that violates the dress code.


  1. Jean

    if she wears the batman mask, please take a picture. That would absolutely make my day.

    By the way B12 supplements have an odd side effect. You know the side effect you get from eating asparagus? It’s along the same lines if you take a lot of it. It was….ok, I stopped taking it. There’s my consumer report for the day :)

  2. amy

    I love these little tidbit posts!!

  3. Kris

    Take your sample of Oasis to Home Depot. I bet they can scan it and recreate the paint for you. I’ve done this many time, although not with super fancy paint. Still, worth a try, right?

    • Mir

      HEY, I finally enabled threaded comments. (And all God’s bloggers said… AMEN.) Anyway, this is a full-spectrum paint with no black in it. HD or Lowe’s or wherever will not be able to recreate it. Benjamin Moore makes a full-spectrum paint, though, so that’s the next option if this doesn’t work out.

      • Elizabeth


        O’Leary Paint, Lansing MI 517-487-2066 can take care of you! They carry Benjamin Moore paint and have all of their ‘color codes’ so they can match anything. Give Dennis (my ex-FIL) a call. He is a great guy and knows EVERYTHING there is to know about paint and how to get what you want! Also, O’Leary ships!!!

  4. diane

    Can you take the paint sample to Home Depot or Lowe’s and have them match it, or does it have to be that particular. brand? I hate finally making a decision only to have my plans thwarted by something beyond my control.

  5. Brigitte

    From the doggie point of view, Clocky DOES look like a menacing intruder.

  6. Billie

    My almost teen argues with me about wearing shorts with no coat (or even hoodie) just about every single day. I want to give in since I know that he takes them off as soon as he gets on the bus. On the plus side though, I don’t have to worry about him asking me to bring them to him when he does decide it’s too cold.

  7. Kelly

    I love that the posts can be filled with minutiae that make me laugh. :)

    Also – I saw snow flurries at preschool drop off this morning and I live pretty close to you so… SNOW!

  8. Therese

    My dog does the same thing about going outside in the rain. His record is 20 HOURS without going outside! I guess those furs the babies wear must not be waterproof.

  9. Lucinda

    My daughter would have the same response about the coat. If I suggested a mask, I too am not sure she wouldn’t wear it the next day. Or even whether or not the suggestion would make her laugh or growl. She is the funniest girl I know and stories of Chickie so often ring true with my own experiences.

  10. Aimee

    The no coat thing reminds me so much of my niece. Coats make her super-thin, budding supermodelish body look FAT, doncha know.

  11. Carolyn

    “I just had my hairs did.” HA!!!

  12. Ali

    My delicate flower feels snow will cause her to melt. She has, more than once, ran dogs-of-hell-are-chasing-me out the door, see the snow, and then skid to a stop so rapidly that she has somersaulted. It is HILARIOUS.

    When she does go outside, she will only do her business on the concrete, not in the cleared for her patch of grass.

  13. Kelly

    We live in Minnesota, and my 8th grade daughter absolutely refuses to wear a coat–ever. A sweatshirt is the warmest thing she’ll wear. One day I was coming home from dropping my son off at school, and my daughter was just walking down the driveway to the bus stop, which is located around the corner and down the street. Not only was it really cold that day, but it was snowing. That was the day she decided to wear just a t-shirt. Not even a sweatshirt over it. I rolled down my window and shouted, “Why are you such a moron?” Probably not my best parenting moment, but seriously? I’ve given up arguing about it–all it does is frustrate me and she will never change.

    • Kim

      I live in Minnesota too, and my daughter went out to the bus wearing a zip-up hoodie rather than her winter coat LOL. But then once it hits 30 up here, the kids think it’s summer and start wearing shorts. I think their brains freeze in the winter.

  14. Arnebya

    Loooooooook at you all fancily comment threading! I had a mild throat tickle that I decided to ignore yesterday. Today, I woke up with The Consumption. I’m SURE someone at the bus stop is going to ask if I have any matches. I could use Clocky! For myself. Yes, I am ashamed to admit that I need something so annoyingly continuous and loud and ANNOYING, but I don’t even think it’d work. I need something to annoy me and then, as I get out of bed to make the annoyance stop, GRAB ME AND PROPEL ME INTO THE BATHROOM. (The whole place the clock on the other side of the room nonsense just tells my body get out of bed, walk to clock, turn off clock, return to bed. I am the perpetual teen.)

  15. Tracy B

    What the heck is full-spectrum paint? Is here a reason for that fancy paint? I’m just wondering because I just bought some Benjamin Moore paint and wasn’t asked if I wanted full spectrum or not.

    • Mir

      BJ’s full-spectrum paints are the found in the Aura line. The good news is that it’s more reflective than regular paint (contains no black) and the samples I ordered are definitely more “luminous” than anything else I’ve seen—the color changed based upon the ambient lighting, but always sort of has a glow, even in low light. Excuse me while I go punch myself in the face.

      I spent a lot of time consulting Google about this full-spectrum stuff and many people swear by it, while others say it’s garbage, marketing hype, and/or you can get the same effect with 3 coats of regular paint (at which point any cost savings are nil, right?). Sooooo… I dunno. I just really like the paint I picked.

      • Tracy B

        Makes perfect sense to me…..you like what you like! :)

  16. Genevieve

    I am now really curious as to what Oasis looks like! Which paint brand is it?

    Also, someone needs to invent a clock that will bother teens but not dogs. Don’t suppose this puzzle alarm clock would do it?

    or this one, where you have to hit the bulls-eye with the laser remote?

    or the one where you have to make the equation make sense?

    or the dumbbell clock that won’t be quiet until you do 30 bicep curls?

    • Mir

      LOLing at the clock links. ;)

      If you go here to their virtual room painter, Oasis is the second color in the “Coastal Colors” block. Do click through a bunch of different room pictures to see how the color changes depending on the light—in some photos it looks green, in others, nearly turquoise. It’s a little weird but I like it.

      • Genevieve

        Ooh, I like very much, Mir!
        We used Benjamin Moore’s Wythe Blue in our living room and dining room – it looks green to me and blue to my husband, and changes in different lights. I am a big fan. (Also of the full-spectrum thing — am loving the Benjamin Moore walls and definitely finding them richer and/or more luminous.)

  17. Bryan

    if the 85 miles are the miles between hither & thither, i could meet you in a DQ parking lot, since i am your number 1stalker. . .if it’s coming from yon, though, fuggedaboudit.

  18. Crisanne

    We considered getting a Clocky for our delicate flower who manages to sleep through 30 minutes of beeping alarm just inches from her face. We were worried, however, that it would wake everyone in the house EXCEPT her. In a moment of extreme frustration, my husband ordered the Sonic Boom. It has a loud beeping sound, but the best part is the vibrating disc that goes under the mattress and shakes her awake! It’s awesome. She hates it. :)

      • Michelle

        I have the Sonic Boom. It’s the only way a deaf girl can wake up before the sun rises. It was awkward in college….a couple of guys were asking how I woke up in the morning after discovering I wear a hearing aid. You coulda heard a pin drop after I replied, “my vibrator wakes me up.”

        Vibrator. Thank goodness the ad calls them bed shakers now.

  19. not supergirl

    I used to sleep through alarms all the time. I think I’ve done it once in the past year, so not really a problem anymore. However, I sleep very lightly, and I wake up when the dog barely moves in the bed, so, yeah, not sure if that’s a life improvement. Regardless, what I wanted to say is that I think Clock would make me homicidal. Clockicidal for sure. My point? Oh, I dont’ actually have one, thanks for asking.

    I really, really hope you get your paint, because I want to believe it will be magical. I have two finished basement rooms that need to be painted, and it would be so nice if they felt less Morlock-y. How will you know if it’s doing what it should do? Is there a way to measure this? What does Monkey think about the idea? I can imagine him having an analysis that I would appreciate, once that paint has dried. I truly think that the people who sold us the house felt that they needed to paint. They had some paint, but they couldn’t decide which rooms should be which color, so every room is the color of a faded old lime. We have repainted everything upstairs, but the basement still has those two rooms. It’s only been two and a half years since we moved in, so I can’t imagine I’ll get to it right away (I’m really on top of things like that), but it has started to bug me more, now that I’ve taken care of some more immediate things.

  20. Heather

    Somehow, given Licorice’s breed, I find the delicate flower syndrome comprehensible, endearing, even. What baffles me is the same behavior in my German shepherd.

  21. Juli Ward

    Puritan’s Pride has sublingual B-12. And as you know, they always have a sale.

  22. Nicole

    I think I need a clocky. Seriously, and I don’t even have the excuse of being a teenager anymore.

    Also, yay for (not) boring little tidbit posts! You’ve been very dramatic over the last year, please feel free to tell us all about silly dogs and paint colors and grumpy teens for a good long while!

  23. Jennifer Morgan

    So, about the B12 thing. I went to slightly quacky doctor for a checkup the other day, and my labwork came back with a pretty major Vitamin B deficiency. She recommended the sublingual tablets. I have been taking Nature’s Pride 6000mcg sublingual tablets for a week and — to my non-hippie, non-organic, non-supplement surprise — I think it has changed my life.

    I have not come home from work and taken a nap once; nor have I needed to. This weekend I was motivated to clean and do laundry and unpack (we moved in 9 months ago) for the first time in I can’t remember when. I no longer feel overwhelmed by the idea of doing anything but sitting on the couch and using my laptop or knitting. I’ve been attributing my fatigue to being 40 and working full-time outside the house for the first time in 14 years, but I’m starting to think I’ve just been lacking in this apparently necessary vitamin for quite a while.

    Scientist/skeptic husband has his doubts, and occasionally makes noises about the placebo effect, but I have to say that I actually feel different. If that’s placebo effect, then more power to it!

    CVS has them BOGO free this week…

    • Anna

      I know quite a few women who feel that B vitamins have made a huge impact on their lives. Keep this up for three months, and then quit for a week. That might convince him. ;)

    • Brigitte

      Hmmm, I’m willing to try for the price of a bottle. Since I also am right now overwhelmed by the idea of getting off this chair and doing ACTUAL work.

  24. Cheryl

    I use a vitamin B12 sublingual spray (in spearmint) and love it. Sublingual tablets are nasty tasting. (I’ve had bariatric surgery so have to have B12 supplements). There are many different brands but I use this one. http://www.bbvitamins.com/storeAll.aspx?CategoryID=19

  25. Flesher

    I am convinced that all one needs in life is really warm mittens. Forget the rest of the coat/hat/scarf thing – it all comes down to REALLY warm mittens.

  26. Laura

    I just put Clocky in my cart!

  27. Stimey

    I’m not sure if it’s funny or not that even buying paint has turned into a Sisyphean task.

  28. elz

    Why are you not listening to me? Lowe’s matches any paint color in existence. (S-W does too, but I am boycotting them b/c their paints are stupid expensive and not worth it). I pinky, pinky promise. Take your color swatch and get it matched. I have saved you170 miles of driving. Swearsies.

  29. Jenn

    My 115 pound Great Pyrenees also has delicate flower syndrome. He has refused to go out to pee if it is raining, but when it is hot AND wet? Last summer, he held it for 18 hours. He will lay in mud, roll in the snow, but actual RAIN? Surely you jest.

  30. Brandi

    I have pernicious anemia (so I don’t metabolise b12).

    I actually have nothing else to say. I just rarely get to mention it..

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