The house still smells like bacon

By Mir
March 18, 2013

I keep waiting for something BIG and EXCITING to happen, possibly because I’m still in the pinch-me-I’m-dreaming phase of delicious normality. The reality is that life has been mundane and I am not complaining. I am just… perplexed. Surely one of us is about to come down with Ebola, or the next time we run out of milk and I drive to the store, my car will burst into flames. I mean, that’s… just sort of how my life goes, no?

Well—hang on, I have to knock on some wood, throw some salt over my shoulder, and perform a rather complicated ritual with the tchotchkes on my desk—right now, things go pretty boring. It rocks.

Of course, Monkey would tell you that things have NOT been boring. Things have been TERRIBLE because he has been DEPRIVED OF FRIEND TIME while Lemur’s family was sick. It was AWFUL and he nearly DIED of LONELINESS. Apparently none of the rest of us were interesting enough to keep him alive.

On Friday I dangled a Lemur-carrot in front of Monkey (metaphorically speaking, of course) and let him know that once he got through his schoolwork for the day, he could go over to Lemur’s for a while. That was supposed to be helpful, you understand. Unfortunately, because I am often stupid, all it did was turn Monkey into a giant ball of stress, because he had an assignment to complete which was a little unclear, and rather than his typical reaction of “I don’t understand this, clearly the teacher is stupid” (which is just as charming as it sounds) (meaning: yes, I’m aware this is not my child’s most endearing quality), we instead got, “I don’t understand this, clearly the teacher is stupid AND ALSO I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE LEMUR EVER AND I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.”

So that was… uhhhh… a little stressful. Ordinarily, you know, I handle all of the homeschooling. But Otto was home for the day so I left to run some errands and came home to my usually unflappable husband looking a little wild-eyed and suggesting that he had a whole new appreciation of what I handle on a regular basis. (If only I could’ve had a few minutes to savor that before I had to go sit on Monkey until he stopped howling.) (Kidding! Mostly!)

In the end, Monkey met his deadline and went over to Lemur’s house for the evening. AND LO THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING.

And then on Saturday, one of Lemur’s brothers had a birthday party, so Monkey was over there AGAIN, and when I went to pick him up, Lemur followed us out to the car and I said, “Are you trying to come home with us?” Lemur grinned and nodded, so I looked down at his feet and suggested he get some shoes, and while he did that I confirmed that his parents were okay with me kidnapping him, and then Primateapalooza continued over at our house for the rest of the day.

While Monkey was busy with Lemur for a day and a half, the rest of us… hmmm. I don’t know what we did on Friday. On Saturday Otto was off doing some stuff and Chickadee worked through a list of chores and homework with unprecedented speed, because when she was done, we turned the kitchen into Hair Dye Central. For months she has been begging to dye her hair purple, and after much research and bargaining, Saturday was the day.

Pro tip: Bleaching hair is terrifying. At least, it is for me. It stinks and it scares me but we had YouTube how-tos on our side, man. It ended up taking waayyyyyyyyyy longer than I thought it would (I was so nervous with the bleach, initially, that I essentially ended up doing it twice), but at the end of the day, Chickie was rockin’ purple hair tips:

So that was pretty exciting, and I think we only lost about 50 IQ points between us due to the bleach fumes. BEAUTY IS PAIN. Or, you know, beauty is stupid. Whatever.

We had a LOT of dye left over, and Chickadee tried to convince me to go purple as well. That led to the magical time in a young girl’s life when her mother explains that darling, however old and unhip you normally assume me to be, I am actually even older and less hip than you think. But thank you.

Sunday involved a whole lot of mostly nothing—laundry, chores, grocery shopping—and then to celebrate the passage of such an exciting day, we had breakfast for dinner. I made lemon ricotta multigrain pancakes—which sounds a lot fancier and more thought-out than it actually was, which was more like, “Hmmm, how about pancakes, and what do I have in the fridge that I need to use up…?”—and bacon, because why not? And as I was flipping the last batch of pancakes I told Chickadee to go ahead and microwave some of her fake bacon, if she wanted some.

Our bacon—the One True Bacon, if you will, made of delicious pig fat—looked and smelled amazing. Chickie pulled her plate out of the microwave and together we beheld the Morningstar “bacon” in all of its fake glory. “That looks like dog treats,” I remarked, ever-supportive of my child’s vegetarianism.

“Shaddup,” she replied, always ready to offer a compelling counter-argument.

Thankfully, we all agreed that the pancakes were delicious. [Sidebar: Do not ask me for the recipe. I didn’t use a recipe. I took the homemade gluten-free multigrain mix that I use and added a giant scoop of ricotta and the juice/zest of one lemon. And then I crossed my fingers and lucked out. Yay! Though if you’re looking for an actual recipe that gets the Casa Mir stamp of approval for being both gluten-free and vegetarian (and being devoured even by our resident picky carnivores), Karen’s lentil tacos have become a new favorite of ours. We had that on Saturday night, and even Lemur ate them. Much like the old Life commercials where they say Mikey doesn’t like anything, Lemur is pretty much my benchmark for whether food is universally appealing. And hey, Lemur liked it, so go forth and lentil.]

Today everyone went to school and work and I just peeked upstairs to discover that both kids picked up their rooms and made their beds before they left. This may all be a dream, but if it is, please don’t wake me up. I’d like to enjoy this bacon-scented ordinariness for as long as it lasts.


  1. Kelly

    Yeah for normal! And bacon! Now I want bacon…

  2. Melissa

    Normality and boringness are VASTLY underrated. May you have many more such boring moments in the days, weeks, and years ahead.

  3. Lynda M O

    Congrats on a morning well-done. And to see beds made and rooms picked up, too ?~! What a day you must be having. Cheers, pretty lady, may it continue thruout the week.

  4. CuriousParty

    Oh, so that’s what happened. Everything migrated north. Well, my friend, I’m glad to take it on the chin for the sake of you getting some normality, but I do hope this craziness decides to keep on keepin’ on, because if it hangs around much longer I expect locusts. And I do hate locusts.

    Cute purple tips!

  5. Korinthia Klein

    Purple hair tips look so pretty! Enjoy all the normal. You’ve more than earned some.

  6. Brooke

    Love the purple hair tips!

    The Morningstar “bacon” cooks up great on a microwave bacon plate. You know, the one with the ridges. Nice and crunchy. Also – they taste great on a lettuce/tomato/mayo sandwich. Mmmmm…..

    Do you have Publix in your area? They are buy one get one free this week in our local store.

    Now I’m hungry again! ;)

  7. CIndy

    My mom is going to be 70 in July and she is currently rocking a lovely purple stripe in her snow white hair. It was pink the first time, then went two tone with purple and must like it because she has the purple re-done when it fades. (which is fairly quickly, white hair doesn’t require bleaching but the color doesn’t last that long.)

    All my friends, as well as my children, think she’s the cat’s pajamas so I’m thinking the cool, hip thing either returns at some point in aging or my mother is blessed with an ever present cool hipness factor.

    I’m OK with having a mother cooler than I am but I do have concerns for the big 7-0 celebration upcoming. She spent her 60th jumping out of an airplane. (With both a parachute and an instructor, thank God.) I have no idea what is going to happen come July this year.

  8. Christine

    Great job on the hair–those are some tasteful purple tips! And that is exactly how that homework/play date scenario would have unfolded with our daughter… So glad to know I’m not the only one making those strategic miscalculations…

  9. Tracy B

    I love turkey bacon…love it over regular bacon. But I am weird. I know. :)
    Here’s to being normal…a whole lot of “boring” normal!

  10. kapgaf

    Glory in the normalness – it is awesome to have normal.
    I, however, am full of envy because bacon. The French do not do bacon. How they can be so snooty about food and not do bacon is a complete mystery to me. I dream of crispy rashers of streaky, back and green back bacon and curled crunchy bacon fat and.. ok, I’m going to stop now and wipe up the drool. Just waft some of that smell my way, please.

  11. Brenda

    Yay for boring! When I was in high school, I thought it would be fun to have a purple streak in my hair. I have very dark hair, though, and the thought of bleaching my long hair, even a little bit of it, freaked me out. I do have a friend who regularly has purple and blue streaks in her hair, and she totally rocks it.

  12. suzie

    Oh, I died my daughter’s hair (tips, much like Chickie’s), about a year and a half ago. Also purple. What made it even scarier was that I also did her friend’s hair — a red streak. Talk about terrifying. My own daughter’s hair was one thing, but someone ELSE’S daughter? I was petrified.

    It all worked out, though. (And of course I had permission in advance.)

  13. Brigitte

    Pretty purple!

    Smelling like bacon is waaaay better than the broccoli and plumbing reaction I *thought* you were going to discuss in your last post. ;-)

  14. Arnebya

    Bacon lingers from Saturday to Sunday and then on Sunday you want more bacon and it lingers until Monday and then Monday morning they’re all is there more bacon and you say no, we ate it all during the weekend baconpalooza so now there’s only sausage and then there is dismay. We’re having bacon tonight, I’m sure.

    I LOVE her hair. Not enough to do it for my 12-year-old who has been relentlessly asking (plus, come on, you have a D in keyboarding. KEYBOARDING. (Yes, that’s still an actual class in jr high.)) Maybe as a birthday present. And hopefully no bleach since her hair is lighter. I am smiling so very broadly for your boredom and normalcy. May it last and last.

  15. CuriousCat

    Two things.

    1. mmmmmm bacon.

    2. I want to be just like Cindy’s mom when I grow up (and I just turned 50, so that’s like…well, now). Okay, I want to be just like Cindy’s mom now.

  16. Chuck

    I have heard that bacon is the one food that can tempt vegetarians to turn to the dark side…glad you had a good weekend.

  17. Elizabeth

    So happy for your being bored! Hooray! Hope it lasts and lasts.

  18. My Kids Mom

    bacon-scented ordinariness…mmmm

    I’ve been looking at pink hair streaks for over a year, admiring them but unsure if I could pull it off. Still undecided.

  19. Billie

    “I don’t understand this, clearly the teacher is stupid AND ALSO I WILL NEVER GET TO SEE LEMUR EVER AND I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.”

    This sounds exactly like my almost teenager EVERYTIME I ask him to do homework or Study Island. Drives me bonkers. How long do I have to deal with this because I’m ready to go on some anti-crazy pills right now.

  20. Katherine

    My brother was a vegetarian for several years, except for bacon.

    Enjoy your ordinary-ness. I hope it lasts for a good long while!

  21. Rachel

    Enjoy the normal! You deserve it! I’ve literally prayed for boring. I get it occasionally, but I still pray for it. This weekend sucked donkey balls, so hoping for normal again soon.

  22. suburbancorrespondent

    Oh, it is SO hard to enjoy normal while you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hear that, after a while, one stops waiting. We’ll see.

  23. Jan

    How weird is it that I feel like Chickadee totally LOOKS LIKE YOU in that picture. Of the back of her head. The bottom half of the back of her head.

    Weird, I know.

    Glad to hear of boring. Boring is good.

  24. karen

    I just love the purple tips, you did a fantastic job, really and truly!

    and ..hey, normal life? It’s a beautiful thing. You Soooo deserve it. Don’t even think about it, just LIVE it.

  25. Grandma Cheryl

    “…magical time in a young girl’s life when her mother explains that darling, however old and unhip you normally assume me to be, I am actually even older and less hip than you think.” So where does that leave me, my darling daughter, with my fuchsia streaks and my 68 years? I will be myself, hip or unhip, older and older. It’s worked for me thus far.

    And Chickie’s hair looks positively lovely and tasteful. Mine? Not so much.

  26. Aimee

    Purple hair + bacon + Lemur + normalcy does NOT equal boring. At least not in my book. :)

  27. Melody

    I did not appreciate boring until I did a clinical rotation at a psychiatric facility, then I went home crying to my husband that boring normal is the most wonderful thing in the world, and wishing it for those who don’t have it. It feels a lot like Peace.
    I love the purple tips! And I love bacon! And friends!

  28. Lisa Kay

    We are in the eighth year of homeschooling and I STILL fall into the trap of “Hey! If you get school done in a timely manner, we have (insert extremely fun activity here) that we can do!” and thinking that will actually motivate and not completely stress out my older child! Drives me NUTS! WHY OH WHY can’t she see that fun stuff should be a motivation, not an invitation to melt down?

  29. Corey

    Boring is fabulous. Truly underrated. Yay, you guys!

    YouTube videos on bleaching and tipping, you say? My 14-y.o. has been agitating for blue tips. Yep, I’m scared, and it sounds like a project to be done with all of the windows open.

  30. Jan in Norman, OK

    With regard to the relationship of beauty and pain, I refer you to the motto of the Kilgore College Rangerettes: Beauty knows no pain.

  31. not supergirl

    I love boring times. I do have to remind myself that they’re not normal, at all. The lulls are pleasant, though they don’t last long. Thankfully not everything exciting or difficult is necessarily bad. May your next exciting or difficult time be a positive one. :)

    Also, purple hair tips are pretty and mmm, bacon.

  32. Djurdjica

    You’re the best mother ever. Mine would never have done the purple tips for me! Also, that is an awesome choice, since it won’t be an issue when hair grows out, and the nasty chemicals didn’t get too close to her scalp. And if it gets to be a nuisance, it can just be snipped off. Seriously, that’s a great compromise right there. :)

  33. Stacy

    I love the purple tips! Could you come do mine?
    Also, I made the lentil tacos and they are AWESOME!!!! My four year old looked at them and said she didn’t like them, but I made her take a bite. Then, she inhaled the entire taco. Thanks for the link!

  34. Susan

    I think you should have gone for some purple tips in the back to match daughters!
    We love turkey bacon at my house.

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