The mayo mystery

By Mir
November 17, 2012

Yesterday Monkey and I went to the supermarket to start buying all of the things I’ll require for our upcoming Thanksgiving dinner, which meant that my cart was full of unfamiliar items (to him, though to be honest I am trying some new recipes and some of it was unfamiliar to me as well) amongst the regular milk and spinach and whatnot. [Note that I said it was the START of shopping for Thanksgiving; Otto will no doubt be sent out to the store at least twice more as I start prepping and discovering what all I’ve overlooked.]

Anyway. We shopped, we came home, Otto was arriving home from the office at the same time, and we all commenced unloading the groceries. We were almost done when I came across a large bottle of mayonnaise in the bottom of one of my bags. Except… I didn’t buy mayonnaise.

Otto and I discussed this matter in depth, even quizzing a deeply affronted Monkey (“I don’t even LIKE mayonnaise!”) as to whether he’d tossed it in the cart. He had not. I had not. I’d never seen it before. We concluded it must’ve been a “oh nevermind” item from someone ahead of me in line that ended up in my bag. But then Otto combed through my 3-foot-long receipt and discovered that I had, indeed, paid for it. (Full price! IT WASN’T EVEN ON SALE!!)

Where did it come from? How did I end up buying it? Can I return it? (“Excuse me, I appear to have inadvertently purchased this mayonnaise.”) Is it a SIGN that I should put deviled eggs back on the menu? I am SO confused.


  1. Julie W

    Yes you can return it If you have your receipt. At least you can at our local Giant.

  2. Otto

    Or maybe we need to make potato salad instead of mashed potatoes?

    For the record, several of my family members JUST DIED when I typed that. Including dead ones.


  3. Lou

    You can definitely return it.

  4. Heather S

    If you return it, they will have to throw it out. I’d advise donating it to a local food pantry. :)

  5. Crisanne

    Yes, you can return it. Or you can be like me…Place the jar of mayo in a prominent spot on the counter, carefully tuck the receipt under the jar so it doesn’t get lost or tossed, and let it sit there until your husband can no longer take it. Then, you give up on returning it and shove it to the back of the pantry. :)

  6. Atlantagirl

    Otto, I went to my (now) husband’s family Thanksgiving last year and was SHOCKED that there was a) no gravy and b) no mashed potatoes. I don’t think there was any butter for the bread, either. This year, I am making Thanksgiving for just the two of us, and you’d better believe that there will be gravy AND mashed potatoes.

  7. Chuck

    I don’t like mayo much EXCEPT on turkey sandwiches. I say keep it for use post-Thanksgiving.

  8. Bobbie

    Food pantries love getting condiments, especially mayonnaise (for all the cans of donated tuna).

  9. ste

    Once I ended up with a few extra items in my grocery bags … which I didn’t pay for.

  10. Jenn

    I’d vote for the deviled eggs! My father-in-law loves mayonnaise. They buy the giant jars from Costco and dispense it into a smaller plastic container and it is present at every meal and used on practically everything.

  11. BethRD

    Probably you were shopping at the same time as someone like me; someone who tends to park her cart instead of taking it with her, and then sometimes has trouble telling unattended carts apart. Sometimes I blissfully wander away with the wrong cart, sometimes I just throw a thing or two into the wrong one. Most of the time I figure it out before leaving the area, but not always.

  12. Brigid

    Totally depends on one thing: is it Hellmann’s or Miracle Whip?
    I come from mayonaise people. It’s Hellmann’s or nothing. We have a great dairy-free mayonaise cake recipe that everyone loves. Some people won’t eat it on principle because they don’t like mayonaise, but even mayonaise haters end up loving it.
    Our Publix takes back just about anything with a receipt.

  13. Mir

    It’s Duke’s (the southern staple, though I’m a Hellmann’s sort myself—there’s a nearly-full bottle of that in the fridge already). I think I’ll donate it. Like Bobbie said, they’ll need it for the tuna, right?

  14. Karen

    Return it! Pay FULL price for mayo! No way!

  15. Cheryl

    THERE it is – can you just send that jar of may over here – I have the potatoes all cooked and cubed and the onions diced and the celery sliced – and I seem to have misplaced the mayo that I just went out for. Potato salad is not going to be complete without it!!!

    Heehee – I would never pay full price either, and I really like the mayo with olive oil in it – give potato salad or egg salad a really unique flavor!

  16. Pictou

    Mmmmmmmm…….., mayonaise! But like you I prefer Hellmans. We’re potato salad people for TG but I’m also making deviled eggs replacing most of the yolk mixture with hummus and sriracha. A bit of mayo may appear there also, depends on how it tastes.

  17. CuriousCat

    forget the mayo (although i agree you should donate it rather than return it). my real concern is your remark about adding deviled eggs “back” to the menu.

    what in god’s name, woman, would ever make you take them off the menu? thanksgiving isn’t thanksgiving without deviled eggs.

    what kind of people are you???

    i don’t even know if i can get past this. i’ll try………but it’s not looking good.

  18. Groovecatmom

    I would totally pay full price for Duke’s. We can’t get it here. And I am fairly certain one can never have enough mayo–including the less fortunate, so you are kind to donate it!

  19. Meadow

    I bet someone put it in your cart thinking it was theirs. Everyone is so distracted with the holiday coming up. I’ve had people almost walk away with my cart before, thinking it was theirs. If you still have it and need any hors d’oeurves for Thanksgiving, I *highly* recommend this dip. I hate mayo in almost anything and I can’t stop eating this stuff. It’s awesome served with Stacy’s pita chips (plain flavor).

  20. Megan

    Clearly you have been visited by the condiment fairy, dispensing happiness via creamy spreads and tangy sauces.

    Except the condiment fairy, possibly impacted by the economic downturn, can no longer afford to hand out freebies.

    Come to think of it, the condiment fairy is kind of a jerk…

  21. Amanda

    You clearly need more deviled eggs in your life.

  22. Mary K. in Rockport

    Turkey sandwiches loaded with mayo (and stuffing, and maybe cranberry relish, and maybe gravy) are requirements in our household after Thanksgiving. Deviled eggs? On Thanksgiving? No. Deviled eggs are for Memorial Day and 4th of July. What is wrong with you people? (And yes, I am using the phrase “you people” sarcastically, post election.)

  23. Heidi

    Meanwhile, someone is questioning their sanity. “I just KNOW I put mayonnaise in the cart!”

    Or, my sister put it in your cart. I’d have to watch my cart while shopping with her because you never know what she’d put in as a joke; her favorite was big ol’ nasty beef tongue. (Thankfully, it never made it home…)

  24. Hilary

    My youngest daughter always makes deviled eggs for every family get together, and they are so good, that when she doesn’t make them……….not often………..everybody complains loudly.
    Where’s the deviled eggs????
    So I think it’s a sign.

  25. js

    I think the physical therapist found out about the blog and the mysterious mayo in your cart is only the beginning of her evil plotting! Full price is some serious evil and mayo is just mean! I have to speak out for the Miracle Whip lovers who dig that tangy zip.

  26. MandaCakes

    How could deviled eggs NOT be on the menu in the first place?! I…. can’t even.

  27. brigitte

    Heh – grew up thinking I hated mayonnaise, but it turned out mom was secretly foisting Miracle Whip on us all those years, shudder! REAL mayo is just fine, thank you.

  28. Elizabeth

    Well, that makes two of us… I had to shuffle down to the corner bodega on my newly surgeried feet to get Mayo because my father-in-law does not eat Sonoma chicken salad with just vinegar. And apparently his sainted wife would not ever even have considered expecting him to. Not bitter. Just saying. Dukes beats Hellmans, although I have not found it in NYC.

  29. Issa

    Maybe someone thought they put it in their cart, but they were next to your cart?

  30. karen

    Deviled eggs!! Who doesn’t like those??….

Things I Might Once Have Said


Quick Retail Therapy

Pin It on Pinterest