Our kingdom for a therapist

It’s true that our “kingdom” at present doesn’t amount to much, and as many odd things as I’ve encountered thus far, I really haven’t gotten the impression from anyone involved that the offer of a deck badly in need of refinishing or a falling-down fence or even the pond full of peep-peep-peeping frogs would significantly improve our odds of being helped, but whatever we do have, I would happily offer it in exchange for the ability to:

1) Locate an appropriate child psychologist,
2) discover said professional takes our insurance,
3) admire said professional’s extensive experience in dealing with kids on the spectrum,
4) celebrate at the news that this doctor would be DELIGHTED to take Monkey on as a patient.

You know, Monkey? Cute, adorable, charming, Monkey? Who WOULDN’T want to spend a couple of hours a week with this kid? I’ll tell you who: Every damn therapist in this town, THAT’S WHO. I am trying not to take it personally.

So, there was the holidays, right? That’s a bad time to be looking for a new doctor. Plus, Monkey was still so sick. And then getting everyone back on schedule in January, that’s hard, too. So let’s say I didn’t resume this search in earnest until… oh, let’s say mid-January. That means I have been at this for a good month and a half. And… nothing.

Because… some offices just never call back. And some don’t take our insurance. And some call back and take our insurance but all of their doctors specialize in everything (seriously, now, is that a southern thing? because that’s the second time I’ve run into that and it didn’t make me any less furious this time ’round) OR “specializing in autism spectrum disorders” actually means “we have people on staff who do assessments but if you want talk therapy you are out of luck.”

I’m starting to feel like Dr. Seuss. (Timely, I guess… didn’t he just have a birthday?) I will call them from my house and I will call them while I grouse. They won’t call me here or there and they’ll never call until I swear. When they call back they say no, when I ask why they do not know.

Really, I wish I was kidding about that last part. DESPERATELY. We were referred to a doctor who required us to fill out a mountain of paperwork just to consider him, and then we heard nothing back for a week. I had to call the office and leave messages twice before getting a call back from a secretary who wanted to let me know that the doctor had decided not to take Monkey on as a patient.

“What? Why not?” I said, ever eloquent in my surprise.

“I… don’t have that information,” she said. She almost sounded like she felt bad about it, too.

“Call me crazy, but it seems pretty cold to me that you make us spend all of this time to gather this paperwork, fill it out, bring it back, wait to hear back, and then we’re told he won’t be accepted as a patient without explanation. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?”

“It means the doctor does not feel your son would be a good fit.”

I stopped short of suggesting she FIT THIS, thanks, but when I asked if the doctor had any other recommendation for us, the secretary did give me a name… someone I hadn’t already contacted. Fine; onward and upward.

I called that doctor, who actually answered her own phone (bonus points!) and was extremely kind. She, however, doesn’t do talk therapy, only diagnostics. She gave me three more names, though.

The first person she suggested has not called back. The second person she suggested doesn’t take our insurance. And the third person she suggested is actually no longer at the practice she told us about, so I called BOTH the practice AND the individual doctor. That one was SUPER LUCKY because no one at the practice takes our insurance and the doctor who is now an independent DOES take our insurance, AND is willing to see Monkey, but doesn’t have any openings until June. They gave me another name, though. I am—naturally—waiting for a call back.

Remember how Monkey’s old therapist swore she’d help us find someone when she decided we needed to switch? Remember that? HAHAHA.

I’ll admit it; when reaching my bullshit limit earlier this week, I emailed an update on the saga to someone at school and I cc:ed the old therapist. Passive aggressive much? WHY YES, THANK YOU. (Hey, she said she wanted to be “kept informed” so there you go.) I knew it was a shitty thing to do while I was doing it but you know what else is shitty? Abandoning a family, promising to help them, and then just… not. She’s in good company, though, as she is one of… let me think… FOUR different mental health professionals who swore to help us find a replacement and was forever saying “I’m going to get you some names” and just… didn’t.

[To the old therapist’s credit, she appeared appropriately mortified by my email, and sent back a very sympathetic response, even offering to “help fill the gap” in the meantime. (Translation: Now that we’ve all discovered that being incredibly sick makes Monkey insane rather than him just, you know, pretty much BEING insane, maybe she could handle him again.) Otto and I talked about it; the bottom line, though, is that we really need a specialist and a fresh start, so I think we’re going to hold out. But I did appreciate her offer and immediately felt like a jerk for being mad at her.]

Now. If Monkey was floundering, this whole thing would be making ME insane, instead of just pissing me off. But Monkey is actually being kind of awesome. So this is aggravating as all heck, but it’s not a crisis. We MUST find him someone, though. Here is the thing about Monkey: He is InertiaBoy. A Monkey in motion tends to stay in motion. A Monkey at rest stays at rest. A Monkey with a limited set of coping skills does not progress without a skilled professional to guide and challenge him. I wish the reality was something else but it’s not, and better to understand what’s what than to pretend everything will be just ducky when it won’t, you know? Monkey as he is RIGHT THIS SECOND will finish fifth grade and be relatively happy and fine. But that same Monkey is nowhere near ready to go to middle school, nor will he be in three months or six months or even three years if we don’t have a skilled therapist on his team. That’s just reality.

As an extra special bonus, I think I forgot to report on this little gem: When Monkey was being tested for everything under the son by the pediatric neurologist, he had a ton of bloodwork done and one of his tests came back wonky, but it was chalked up to him being on antibiotics at the time. So we waited until he was done with that round of antibiotics, but then there was another round, and then he had surgery, and then he had MORE antibiotics, and FINALLY it was all done and I took him back in for a repeat and then a week later the neurologist’s office called to scold me for having him retested while on antibiotics. Except… he wasn’t. Which meant his test was genuinely showing something wonky.

I won’t bore you with the specifics, but it appears that on TOP of everything this poor kid’s recently been through, he might have a rare metabolic disorder! Just for shits and giggles! (The good news is that the disorder in question is often harmless. Except when it’s not! So, you know.) And now apparently we have to go see a geneticist, but I was reluctant to set that appointment up while trying to get him in with a new therapist, plus the neurologist’s office kept saying “It can probably wait. Unless it can’t.” (helpful!) so now we have neither a therapist nor a geneticist appointment and OH MY GOD HERE KID HAVE SOME MORE COOKIES BECAUSE THAT IS THE BEST YOUR MOM CAN MANAGE, APPARENTLY.

In conclusion: I am spending a lot of time on the phone. And baking. And if you think healthcare in this country isn’t broken, I would like some of what you’re smoking, please.


  1. KarenP

    Wow, just wow. So hard to be trying to be doing everything possible on your end and not getting anywhere in the process. (Hope that came out right…) Healthcare is broken, period. On the bright side you could be the next Dr. Seuss! Hope things start working out for the better soon.

  2. Magorka

    Wow, I couldn’t imagine dealing with all that rejection…You just made me even more thank-ful for being a Canadian…the whole insurance issue would drive me to drink. Wishing you all the best!

  3. Varda (SquashedMom)

    OK, this one really got to me. Do not feel bad for one instant for cc-ing the therapist, she dropped the ball on her responsibility to your son, her patient. She SHOULD be distressed. I am so glad that Monkey is in an OK place for the moment, can only imagine how excruciating all this would be if here were in crisis mode right now and really needed a therapist ASAP.

    I have little doubt you have already done this (as you are certainly not new to this game) but I want to make sure that you went ahead and TOOK that June appointment with the therapist who takes your insurance and was willing to see your son, because if you don’t find anyone by then, you’ll then have this as a back-up plan.

    And how much does it suck that we have to work so hard and make back-up plans for months in advance to take care of a BASIC NEED of our children?

    Anyone who doesn’t think health care in America is messed up has never spent a moment trying to obtain appropriate pediatric mental health services. They are near non-existent in most places and sorely inadequate everywhere.

    We live in New York City, pretty much the largest, most bountiful healthcare groaning board in America, and it’s STILL a scramble for services for my son and ridiculous wait times.

    Yeah, you pushed a few hot buttons for me here. But please don’t ever shut up about this, people need to know.

  4. Lisa

    This right here is why I am so very terrified of even thinking of starting the process to have my kindergartner assessed for Aspergers. Terrified. Because of not knowing where to start and all the phone calls and the not returned calls and the bajillion different health professionals and the having to act like a grown-up and the spouting of Seussisms. Which really, that last wouldn’t be so bad, come to think of it.

    Oh, and you’re pretty.

  5. Kyre

    Don’t feel bad for being mad, nor for sending the ‘passive aggressive’ cc. You were calling her on her shit. And calling someone on thier shit isn’t easy, but she TOTALLY DESERVED IT and she knew that given her response.

    Stand tall and proud Mama Bear.

  6. Jen B

    Oh, Mir…. (((HUGS))) are what you deserve! And gluten-free, deliciously tasting cookies! And to be told that you’re pretty!!! Because you are!!!

    Sorry to hear about the crap STILL going on – who woulda thunk that Athens would be THAT devoid of good pediatric psychologist that specializes in autism??!! Although, every time I’m there, there’s always SOMETHING that Athens doesn’t have that I’m shocked to find out.

    Hope one of the names works out soon!

  7. meghann

    Me? I would have taken the June slot, just in case. At this rate, it might find you that long to find someone anyways.

    I feel you on them finding other weird medical things. One of our kids is being tested right now for suspected asthma. Part of that involved getting a neck x-ray. Know what they found out? She has spina bifida and some deformed vertebrae, and the specialist said she *should* be fine, but there is this whole thing where she might not be. yay.

    Forget cookies. Pass me the rum.

  8. Ani

    Crap, after that all I have is my puny little “Hi we are blankety-blank who are in your clinic every week, all of us have doctors established except 5-yr-old b/c his pediatrician left, but he has the flu, can I get an appointment with other son’s doctor? Or any other doctor (of 15+ of them…)?”

    Answer: No. You need a healthy visit before we can do a sick visit. Try the walk in clinic at WAL-MART. (Yes, she did say that)

    Agree with pp…old therapist deserved the email. Also agree with the insurance-companies-are-run-by-Satan’s-minions perspective. Hoping and praying you find a fabulous therapist soon.

  9. E's Mommy

    This all sounds super frustrating. And I would’ve been mad at the old therapist too. I think that’s totally justified since she promised to help you and just didn’t.

    I used to teach special ed preschool and worked with a lot of kids somewhere on the autism spectrum and my kids go to a school where half the kids have special needs and half the kids don’t. My sons have a lot of friends on the autism spectrum and most of those kids get their coping techniques from Occupational Therapists. Around here there are a lot of OTs that specialize in working with kids on the autism spectrum and they work on state control and coping techniques for social situations. But all the kids I know doing this are preschoolers or kindergarteners. And social interaction is obviously way less complex at that age than at Monkey’s age. But maybe you could find a really good pediatric OT that has experience working with kids with Asperger’s and she could help fill the gap until you find Monkey a therapist. Or if you contacted a few and they couldn’t help maybe they would have more therapist recommendations for you? Just thought I’d mention this on the off chance it’s something you haven’t looked into.

  10. Flea

    {{{HUGS}}} I have to find a psychiatrist for my boy. Found a good therapist. Maybe call a large church and ask if they can recommend a therapist who specializes (that’s what I did and we’re pleased with the results). Or start calling private schools and asking if they have names and numbers.

  11. Niki

    When we were having our similar “finding someone who saw kids and took our insurance” battle, I got the insurance company involved. I told them I had tried everyone within 30 miles that was in our network, and that it would be 3 months before she could be seen. They found us an “in-between” person who gave us the meds she needed but no diagnostics and no therapy, but had they not been able to do that, they were ready to approve her seeing someone NOT in their network and paying for it.

    If you have an HMO that requires you to see someone in network, and there is NOT someone in the network that can see you, your insurance has to find someone for you to see, and pay for it as if they were in the network. I’m sure it will have to escalate up the chain, but I would call your insurance, ask to speak to someone in Behavioral Health, and start with: “My son has X problem and needs to see this kind of therapist NOW, and the first person I can get in with cannot see him for 3 months. I need to know what your company will do about this – he has Y diagnosis and cannot go without this therapy for three months, or even for one.” Take names, ask for supervisors, and escalate as you need to. I know it’s horribly frustrating and I’m so sorry.

  12. Niki

    And one more thing – take the June appointment. We screwed ourselves early on by not taking the available appointment, as we assumed we would find someone else. By the time we realized 2 weeks later that we weren’t going to find anyone, the November appointment had become a January appointment, and the other doctor stopped taking new patients.

  13. Karen (from Our Deer Baby)

    {{{ HUGS }}}

    We have our share of mental health issues in the family (including Asperger’s) and I have sooooo been there done that got the t-shirt, bumper sticker and coffee mug.

    It is amazing how hard it is to get simple HELP for our kids. You are doing all the right things. Take the June appointment while you try to keep finding another therapist but at least you will have SOMETHING.

    Sorry to hear what a pain this all is.


  14. Karen C

    Healthcare is definitely broken! Especially for CHILDREN!

    I’m in NYC and it took me 15 phone calls just to find a therapist for ME that was taking new patients/took my insurance. And then couldn’t get an appointment for 6 weeks. In response to my phone call saying “yeah I’m no longer leaving my house because anxiety is eating me alive”. Not. Acceptable!

    Therapy cookies all around!

  15. navhelowife

    Take the June appointment and tell her you are willing to come last minute if she has any cancellations.
    You were exactly right to cc the therapist.
    Thinking good thoughts for you.

  16. Brandy

    Our Daughter has joint issues and was tested repeatedly (and only at our insistence) for RA (runs in the family). It took two years and a switch to a new Pediatrician before we could get a Doctor to send her to the nearest Pediatric Rheumatologist. (Which is a three hour drive away.)
    Hugs. I wish I could say something that will make everything better, but all I can send it hugs.

  17. amy

    Being Canadian doesn’t necessarily help (referring to a comment by Magorka, above).

    Not all services are covered by our healthcare, or they MIGHT be, if you’re referred by someone (family physician, for example).

    We need to get our son evaluated by a psychologist, and I was quoted $3k-$3.5k just for an evaluation, out of pocket. Because said psychologist (who specializes in this area, and is experienced in working with the school system) is not covered by healthcare. Personal insurance through my husband’s work only covers a fraction of this cost.

    I can only HOPE that I can get my fam doctor to refer me to a psychologist who IS covered, and can diagnose his disorder properly.

    I have my own anxiety/social phobia issues, so even going through this process, hell even READING about you going through this process makes me hyperventilate.

  18. Heather

    Ah, Mir. This makes me wish I were finished my education in child psych so that *I* could offer to help you!! This sounds tremendously frustrating, and i’m sorry you’re having to deal with it! I hope it gets well resolved soon.

  19. Jen

    *Sigh*. I wish I could say I believed this wasn’t a common problem, but I can’t. We have been going through this for years. Turns out there about as many pediatric mental health specialists out there for pediatric PTSD patients as there are for spectrum patients. We have found some docs that take our insurance, but they are only able to see him once a month, and that is assuming I happen to call on the exact right date when they open up the schedule for the month, otherwise, SOL until the following month; even if I am able to get an appointment, they only see kids from 9am-4pm, which means I have to take off work and him out of school for every appointment. Exceedingly convenient.

    The main source of dr.s we have found are domestic violence and children’s welfare agencies, but since he is not considered a crisis or acute case (since we are 5 years out from the end of the trauma), he is on the endless waiting list – and since there are an endless supply of crisis and acute cases, which have higher priority (as they should), there is basically no way we are ever going to have a therapist for this boy.

    Fortunately, aside from being a tween, he is mostly ok these days, but even if he weren’t, there wouldn’t be jack I could do for him. Thank you broken health care system.

  20. Karen R.

    Oh, dear. I second Niki’s (commenter 11 and 12) suggestion that you escalate this. If your insurance covers the service but has no one to provide it, you should be able to go out of network.

    This just makes me so grateful that my daughter’s private special ed placement provided therapy as needed. Our HMO only covers 12 sessions a year of talk therapy — emergency only, not general support, so they wouldn’t have anything for her anyway.

    The people who think our healthcare system is fine either have top-drawer insurance, or have never had a medical condition. Good luck.

  21. diane

    I would add the nugget that mental health care in this country is not only broken, but woefully stuck nearly in the dark ages. :p

  22. Lynne

    WOW. There is no doubt in the world that health care is broken. Because of that I totally agree with Niki about escalating this up the food chain to the insurance. I am assuming that your insurance is through your husband’s work..if so, get whoever in Human Resources who deals with benefits to intercede on your behalf with the insurance. I had to do that to find a cardiologist in my area who took our insurance. The insurance company was giving the run around and putting up all kinds of roadblocks. Seems the person in HR was able to get some results while I was just getting pushed around.

  23. Momma Chaos

    I can definitely relate to what you’re going thru right now. It’s frustrating when the specialists can’t figure out what’s going on and even more so when you can’t even FIND a specialist so they can then claim they have no clue.. Ugh.. I hope something lets up for you soon. It’s stressful trying to parent a kid that no one can figure out & try to get them the help they need.

  24. Jen

    I am so sorry. Because seriously, this is insane. I’m pretty confident you didn’t pee in someone’s Cheerios in a different life, so this is just nuts. You may need to graduate from cookies to brownies pretty soon. Sigh…

  25. Anna

    Ok, here’s a weird question. Would you get better results if you were looking for an ASD expert that specializes in therapy? As opposed to a therapist that specializes in ASD? I’m not even sure how you’d go about doing that.

  26. Lori


    I AM a therapist and would love to help you. Send me an email and let me know what area you are in and I will work on it. And, not BS you like these other MH types did. My reason for caring? I have my OWN Monkey, who is 8, and has a WONDERFUL therapist and it’s made all the difference.

  27. RuthWells

    Good sweet lord. Unbelievable.

  28. Katherine

    Any chance the previous therapist could call the one with the June appointment and convince her/him to find an earlier appointment. I’ve found that dr calling dr will often work wonders where I cannot. Good luck!

  29. Anna Marie

    For the love of all that is holy, Mir. Reading this made my blood pressure climb a couple hundred points. The therapist definitely needed that email kick in the ass, but what really burns me up is the apparent nonchalance these providers are showing as they turn Monkey down for treatment.

    Yes. The healthcare system is broken and I think it is beyond any legislation or overhaul at this point.

  30. The Mommy Therapy

    I learned this song at summer camp in the seventh grade full of expletives like the f-bomb and things that rhyme with “hit” that I like to sing to myself in these types of frustrating times. (It was a Christian based camp and really it was pretty innocent except for this very horrible “song” but it’s served me well in releasing some frustrations over the years.)

    Anyway, I’m singing it for you because this whole mess sounds tragically frustrating. Not being able to help your child in the way you feel he needs it is a horrible feeling I’m sure. I hope this whole mess gets sorted out in one of those miraculous days where everythings just works due to random coincidences and a few people just deciding to be nice because they can.

    Good luck…and let me know if you need a curse word song to carry you through.

  31. Laura

    So, you’ve probably already tried this (and it may have been mentioned above but I didn’t get a chance to read through all the other comments) but there must be local agencies in your area that support folks with Monkey’s needs. For example my son has Down Syndrome (totally not the same thing I know, but bear with me) we have agencies up the wazoo here (Washington state) that can put us in touch with and/or provide services he might need. The ARC, the Division of Developmental Disabilities, Department of Social and Health Services, in our case we have a local Down Syndrome Community, and the list goes on. Now, not necessarily all of these agencies offer services, but they are great resources for finding what we need. But you know the best source of all?? My local parent support group. The moms meet up at least once a month and go out to dinner and vast amounts of information gets shared during these times. Lord, I learn a lot from these ladies. Also, there is an e-mail list service for the Down Syndrome community.

    So, what I’m rambling along to try and say is have you thought about (and you probably have) speaking with: #1 a local parent group; #2 various state/government agencies; (which can often have useful information – except when they don’t; I know) and #3 local agencies dedicated to folks with disabilities and/or your child’s specific diagnosis?

    I also realize with Down Syndrome we are blessed in certain ways, there seem to be a bazillion and one agencies with that specific diagnosis in mind. But I can’t help but think there must be some local agency in your area with autism and spectrum disorders in mind. I would wonder if the director of special ed in your school district or even someone lower down the totem pole could put you in touch with some agencies that could help you find the information you need.

    I hope that was helpful and not preachy or annoying.

    Personally, I think you’re awesome.

  32. Frank

    I have always thought that you guys get a lot of bad mojo around there (for lack of a better term. I hate both “Luck” and “Karma” as terms for it). And I always thought that, you know, when your share of the good stuff comes around it would come in droves…. Now I think the good mojo may just go ahead and run y’all on over. If you have ever seen the game Katamari Damacy, that is what it seems like. Here’s hopin your good mojo can pick up the earth….

  33. Jess

    I agree with several other comments – take the June appt, ask to be put on their “last minute cancellation” list in the meantime, and then ALSO try to convince insurance that it’s in their best interest to let you go to someone out of network and still be covered. Though I have my doubts on that last thing working – they will most likely tell you that you don’t NEED a specialist, just a regular old therapist, and that won’t help you at all.

  34. Amy

    Maybe what that hypothetical person is smoking IS the answer to this healthcare mess. (I’m kidding! Mostly!)

  35. Little Bird

    I had no idea how hard it was to get a therapist. I’ve been to a few, as a child, one was awful (told me that the problems my family was experiencing at home were MY fault), one was group therapy (also awful), and one was perfect, but I outgrew her.
    I wish I could offer some kind of help.
    Often times other … disorders (for lack of a better word) have organizations that deal with very similar issues in therapy. As in, there’s a certain amount of crossover. I know for a fact that people with my condition fall into the spectrum often, so maybe ctf.org could offer some help finding a therapist in your area.

  36. Kathy

    it’s not just Athens that doesn’t have a good therapist … as we’ve chatted about, LA is devoid as well!

    So sorry to hear about your frustrations, Mir! This post just made me cry real tears, right here in the classroom!! (computer lab!) Maybe it’s because I’ve been where you are! We just gave up! Sounds cold, I know, but our family was worth more than trying to do the doctor/angry thing ALL THE TIME!

    Sending (((hugs))) your way!!


  37. nancy

    Hi Mir- I am so bummed for you that this mess is still going on. I read through the replies and I agree with the advice that you get help, if possible, from Otto’s H.R. to get the insurance to help you set up a single case agreement. Also, have you been in contact with your local Autism Society? I often call them to get info about local resources. In the meantime, I recommend wine and chocolate! (For you and Otto, not Monkey!)

  38. Carmen

    I feel your pain, Mir. I ended up asking my kids amazing allergist if she had any pull with the highly recommended child psychologist – the one who had a 9 month wait at Children’s Hospital – and she got us in 2 weeks later.

    Is there anyone you know, no matter how slight of a connection?

    Otherwise, I’d be tearing up the phone lines to the insurance. I actually sued my insurance company when they denied Riley’s OT. It took 2 years to get all the money back.

    Skip cookies. Go for vodka.

  39. Mare Martell

    You, my fine feathered friend, are not alone. Not at all. My son has what I believe to be undiagnosed DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). I watch a parade of people walk around in his body. We’ve taken him to several hospitals in our area who, when they discover he’s DID (unofficially of course) they say they can’t take him.

    One doctor told us that he’d never seen this manifest this young, sorry you’re out of luck. Another doctor said that they can’t do anything for him until he is psychologically stable. Another hospital seconded that emotion. In one program that thought they might try it, they rejected him for, as they called it, non-participation. What they failed to mention is that they only do group therapy. My son already has a group in his head, why in the world would he want more of that on the outside of his mind?

    I’ve called doctors three hours away from us. I’ve called doctors two hours away from us. I’ve called hospitals and clinics all over the Eastern seaboard, but have found nobody willing to take my son. I did, however, find a very kind doctor who did everything he could to try to help me including saying he’d take him on as a patient. Problem is, he’s 13 hours a way. Since DID requires daily therapy for the trauma to be dealt with, that’s one hell of a commute.

    I sometimes feel like I have the phone glued to one ear, a pen stuck to my hand, and a permanent Mama Bear growl when dealing with yet another “jerkwad” which is what I’m calling the ones that do what you described. Yeah, let me get back to you with some referrals…only, not.

    Chin up fellow Mama Bear. You will win. You will be Monkey’s champion. You will succeed. Years from now you will look back on this whole time in your life and cry. :-D
    You’re pretty.

  40. paige

    OMG. I feel your pain, we did this dance, though in a more abbreviated form.

    Though our first, highly recommended therapist took our daughter as a patient, they had ONE freaking appointment and then the therapist told us she was moving so we’d have to find someone else. Why you’d take on a new patient when you’re moving in a week is beyond me. And if she didn’t know she was moving in a week then, um…she probably wasn’t right anyway.

    This is hard and I wish I had some wisdom to share but all I can do is say that I understand the struggle and the frustration, I share it, and I bear witness to the fight.

  41. Rebecca

    i am shaking my head. I just can’t understand when people, especially DOCTORS can’t do their jobs. Especially doctors who specialize in helping kids. I hope you find the right docs and fast!! Glad Monkey seems to be doing well in the meantime.

  42. crazyjane

    Mir, I can totally empathize with you. after 2 years of telling my 11 yr olds therapist that i wasn’t happy with his diagnosis while simultaneously trying to find a new one for him it took a suicide attempt and a 9 day stay in a psych ward to get help. the hospital he was in got us in to see a great therapist and psychiatrist and we are working towards an accurate diagnosis/treatment. though i strongly suggest avoiding this route it ended up being a very helpful experience.

  43. Useyourwordsmom

    Seriously? SERIOUSLY? There must be a Wizard of OzTherapists that is hiding somewhere. I just don’t get it. Maybe there is a possibility of a new commune type thing-where all of us with these type of kids could live…along with all those fabulous therapists that take our insurance. In, say, Hawaii? Needless to say, I am so sorry this ridiculousness continues. Especially because, it really does suck, esp. I am sure, for your son.

  44. Veronica

    On the other side of the world, I am doing something rather similar, only we’re trying to get ourselves a new paed, AND my daughters asperger assessment finished – all the while my son gets himself an appointment 12 months earlier than we’d expected and yet, my daughter, the one who worries me because she needs help, falls through the cracks and NOTHING gets done for us.

    I get this. I definitely get this.

  45. mamaspeak

    I think it’s clear that you are not alone. I, too, can share a story about how I need a new doctor, and finding one who will take my insurance, and agree that I would “be a good fit,” is at odds with reality. Meh. Mostly, I try not to think about it, till I have to because whatever is going on, is spiraling because I’m not really seeing a professional to deal with it correctly. And, my issues aren’t spectrum related.
    My Fibro went into “remission” for a period of years w/pregnancy & breastfeeding. Since my husband isn’t up for me being a surrogate, it has been creeping back up and seems to be full blown again. My rheumatologist who treated me for Fibro, considers me a “new patient” due to the large window since I’d seen her last. She is “no longer taking new patients.” FacePalm.
    Yeah, that.
    Send me some low carb cookies please. (Low carb has seemed to help curb some symptoms.)

  46. Debra

    I really hate to say this put I know what it’s like to have to wait while a physician reviews your paper work and decides if you “fit” with the practice…. but beg. Plead. Gift the office cookies. The doc that refused with no explanation. Hand write a letter. Give a little background but also show some optimism. A lot of doctors like to take a on challenge if they think they can “win.” Don’t just send the paperwork. Make Monkey REAL to him and not just a medical record.

    I had to do that with an endocrinologist. I filled out all the paperwork and then wrote a letter practically begging with an explanation why I felt I needed that particular practice. I think it helped that I was also friends with a current patient of theirs but still. I think it helped.

    There are certainly plenty of areas in sick care that are more broken than others and mental health is one of them. (I don’t believe doctors practice much health care anymore… it’s all sick care. They have not much of a clue what to do to keep you healthy.)

    I hope your search is over soon.

  47. Karen

    Let me know what you end up smoking, cause I’de like some too,please.

    WOW, Mir. I don’t have anything better than that to say so I’ll shut up.

  48. Brigid

    I so feel you.

  49. Brigitte

    Over my entire life, I’ve found it remarkably difficult to even find a Primary Care Physician for myself (a regular ol’ middle-aged patient) that I can actually work with. I can’t even imagine the difficulties compounded by all the factors involved in finding Monkey a good therapist! :-(

  50. pam

    You have insurance so there’s that…

  51. Cathi

    Ok so I know this is not what you want to hear. But as someone who works in the health care system, June is really not that far away for a new patient appointment. You need to grab that appointment while you can. Yes the health care system sucks – but it sucks for everyone equally, the doctors as well as the patients. And realistically it is all we have to work with for now.

  52. Debbi

    Good lord! I needed a drink after reading that. Sweetie, you are doing a great job. I can’t believe that this whole process is so messed up! He can’t be the only kid with aspergers that is on your insurance….why are they making it so difficult? Why can’t there be more people to help kids? :-( I’m so sorry that you are going thru all of this stress!!!

  53. vanessa

    Wow, what a giant mess. Good luck. Insurance is a HUGE pain and doctors are awful about calling back (not always, but often enough!) I am trying to find a new psychiatrist right now and all the same stuff. SO annoying. I really hope you find someone for Monkey soon (or more to the point, that the idiotic doctors call you back soon!)

  54. Kristi

    Good Lord, woman! I’d offer up my kingdom for you to sweeten the pot, but well, it is government owned military housing. So um, yeah.

  55. ChristieNY

    Heartbroken hearing what a sticky situation you’re in! Big, big hugs to Monkey and to his Mama. I’ve been reading your blog for years now and now that my 4 year old is in the early stages of being diagnosed with a slew of very similar spectrum related labels and he just got an IEP and started some therapies and I can’t even IMAGINE being in your shoes at the moment. I just wanted to stop by and say that YOU my dear are an inspiration. I’m proud of you for working so hard for your son. He’s an awesome kid and you’re an awesome Mom, so big hugs to you both. :)

  56. Aimee

    Holy hell, Mir. I’m boiling and grinding my teeth in frustration just READING this. I wish so much that things could just be easier. I hope you find someone soon.

  57. Jamie

    ((HUGS!)) I can offer no more advice than the great stuff you’ve already gotten from the other commenters. This just sucks.

  58. Daisy

    I just emailed you. We’ve been through this, too; I wish I could offer more than just moral support.

  59. Katie in MA

    I think you should call back Dr. I-have-appts-in-June and book him for weekly appointments from then until the end of time. Just to be on the safe side. At the very least, someone else will be thrilled when there are suddenly appts available when/if you have to cancel them all!

    Sorry you’re going through this. I hope at least some of those (gluten-free) cookies are for you!

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