My mind is a machine

Tomorrow we leave on our last camping trip of the summer, and I want you to know that because I am a paragon of planning and efficiency, I have not done one single thing to prepare. NOT ONE. I mean, I wanted to. I PLANNED to. And yet… yeah. Nothing.

Remember back when I was all “Oh, this summer is going to be so relaxing! I can’t wait!”? While I am not actually admitting to smoking crack, let’s just say I’m not sure I was entirely WITH myself when I said that. I simply don’t DO relaxing, because it takes a lot of energy to consistently be this disorganized.

Take yesterday, for example. We were having some friends come over to hang out and swim. I try to keep work light on Fridays specifically so that I can do these sorts of things, particularly in the summer. So I got up totally ready to have a superfun day, stress-free.

An approximate log of my thought process from the time I got up:

Coffee. Coffee. Need coffee. Is there coffee? No coffee?? Make coffee. Must make coffee. Find beans. Grind beans. MAKE COFFEE.

I should check my email while the coffee brews. Email. Wait, dog needs to go out. Good morning, Licorice! Yes, I am also very delighted to see you, as well. I, however, manage to communicate that joy without body-slamming you repeatedly. Sheesh. Stop. C’mon, let’s go.

Go pee, Licorice. No, don’t eat that. No, don’t go into that bush. Yes, I SEE that someone is walking on the street. They’re allowed. You don’t own the street. Please just go pee. Good girl! Let’s go!

Have some breakfast, baby. Yes, really, you can eat it. No, I don’t want to stand in the kitchen and watch you, you can eat it yourself. I’m going to… COFFEE!! Coffee’s done!

Okay. Coffee, email, more coffee, little bit of work. Check the time. I should really do a couple more assignments before our friends arrive. Hey, I need a tissue. I’ll just go grab one. Oh my LORD, this bathroom is filthy. Gross. I should clean it. Like, right now. Okay. Cleaning the bathroom. Counter, toilet, mirror, floor… much better. And as long as I have this stuff out, I should probably clean my bathroom. And the bathroom upstairs. I AM A BATHROOM-CLEANING MACHINE. HEAR ME… UM… SWISH!

Good morning, small boy. Have some breakfast. Yes, they’ll be here in a while. Sure, you can put your bathing suit on now. Me? Yes, I’ll get dressed in a little bit.

More coffee. Mmmmmmmm. Email. I should clean the kitchen, too. Okay, that’ll only take a minute. OHMYGOD SOMETHING IS ALIVE IN THE COMPOST BIN. Monkey. Monkey! Darling, sweetie, sugarpie? Be a love and take the compost out for me? And just, uh, don’t put your fingers in it? Thank you!

Phew. Okay, that’s better. I should really do some work. Wait, time check. Maybe I should get cleaned up and dressed. Okay, no problem. Wow, how long has this laundry basket been sitting here? I should put this stuff away. Oh, I wonder if I still have my camping container of shampoo and stuff set aside. I should find those. Well, maybe later. Should I wash my hair? No, that’s stupid, I’m just going to get in the pool in a little bit. Ponytail it is!

I should really get some work done. Or maybe I should eat something. I haven’t even finished going through my email yet, though, so the only logical thing to do now is go play a few rounds of Scrabble on Facebook. When’s the last time I updated my Facebook status? Oh, look, someone posted new pictures of their baby. Squishy baby! So cute!

Time check. Oh, crap. They’re gonna be here… wait, here’s an email. They’re going to be late. Oh. Okay. More time to work!

Awww, Chickadee’s pinging me. Clearly we need to have a 20-minute instant messenger conversation about… library books. Nerdtastic!

Phone. Email. What smells in the fridge? Think I’d better find that…. Oh, yuck. Hey Monkey, is your room cleaned up? Is your bed made? Wait… is MY bed made? Yay for Otto! Where is Otto? Otto? Oh! Good morning! Whatcha doing? Me, I’m working before our friends get here. Yeah. Getting tons done. Um. Should probably get back to it. Love you!

No, honey, they’re not here yet. Why not? Because they’re not. They’ll be here soon. I promise. Go practice piano for a bit while you wait.

Totally going to get this done RIGHT NOW. Yes. As soon as I finish answering this email. And read a few blogs. And check that message board. But then I’m… oh, hey, Monkey! They’re here!

(It was a terribly productive morning, as you can see.)

Now, today, all I need to do is about eight loads of laundry, pack up the camper with everything the kids and I need (Otto escapes my micromanagement by demonstrating mastery of things like remembering to bring underwear when left to his own devices), plan out meals and grocery shop accordingly, get all caught up on the work I didn’t do yesterday, cut the dog’s nails and give her a bath, finalize details with the housesitter, and… and… I’m pretty sure there’s something else.

Oh! Right!! We have to get Chickadee back from her dad. Of course.

And I’m totally going to do all of that. Just as soon as I finish this Scrabble game.


  1. Jamie

    Glad I’m not the only one! :) Enjoy the camping trip.

  2. PattiH

    felt like I was reading my own bizarro-world … and I’m out of coffee.

  3. Desiree Cruz

    How comforting it is to know that there is someone out there who’s mind is just like mine! Have fun camping!

  4. Em

    Even though you didn’t get the “right” things done, you got done before coffee more than I typically get done in a day. But I will admit that a before bed glass of water that was too warm turned into me cleaning out and scrubbing the freezer then the fridge at midnight the other night, Have fun camping!

  5. katen

    hi mir..long time reader :)
    i saw a show in the food network that featured a place that makes CAKE milkshakes! when i saw it i immediately thought of the milk-cookie combo your otto loves. you might get a kick out of this. here’s a link to a press release from their website that talks about it :)

    have fun camping!! TG for coffee

  6. Dawn

    Doesn’t everyone work like this? Just us? Oh.

  7. Tam

    Holy…wow.. I’m exhausted just reading this!

    It’s one thing to have a mind like a machine, but do you also have a machine body to run around and get all that done, cause I’d totally need one!!!

  8. Brigid

    I like to know I’m not the only one who manages my time with such expertise. And I totally want to play scrabble with you.

  9. Heather

    Heh. Yeah, that sounds pretty familiar. We’ve all got just a little bit of ADD in us, I think ;)

  10. Megan

    Which is why I am a fanatical believer in LISTS! Because lists, see, are sort of like college. It’s a set of assignments in a given order which must be completed or…. or, well you don’t get the fun of checking them off the list! Now, if I can just get some friendly person to come along and scribble ‘A, v. insight. wrk. Commas still issue. See me in off.’ after each item…

    Hope the camping is either relaxing and eventless or filled with wonderful, wonderful blog fodder (of the GOOD kind. Sheesh).

  11. Lori N


  12. Annette

    Almost e-mailed you yesterday…missed your post and was worried:)

  13. Daisy

    You got the coffee made first. That’s the most important thing. Enjoy camping!

  14. Brigitte

    At least you actually CLEAN the bathroom. I see it and just add it to my mental list of things to stress out about, so I won’t have any fun later. ;-)

    Enjoy your camping trip!

  15. Reb

    You cleaned 3 bathrooms before breakfast? You’re right, you’re a machine.

  16. Reb

    Oh yeah, and enjoy the trip. :-)

  17. Dina

    That sounds like most of my mom days too. Over the weekend I started cleaning out the refrigerator (you know, how old is THIS? when did we have pasta?) and something else caught my attention. My husband came downstairs to find me sitting at the computer (not playing Scrabble, but uploading Facebook photos) and asked about all the food from the frig sitting on the counter? Oh yeah…I started to do that and then…oh something SHINY!

  18. Sharon

    I start sixteen different projects and then wonder why I feel so disorganized. A successful day is when I get anything finished. Sometimes a bit of time away helps ~ enjoy the camping trip.

  19. Katie in MA

    So. glad. I am not the only one who does that!!

  20. Joshilyn

    You SLAY me with your consistent and actual belief that you are not organized. You are the MOST ORGANIZED PERSON I KNOW.

    Your idea of being DISORGANIZED is SO FAR ABOVE my actual goals for how organized I hope to become in this lifetime that I can’t SEE IT FROM HERE. It is a like speck I take on faith is orbiting beyind the clouds.

  21. Anna

    This is one of my favorite posts from you, EVER. :)

  22. Leandra

    I hope you did a better job of packing than we did. We got to our campsite to discover that we had not packed our griddle OR any utensils of any kind. Yay us!

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