Sometimes I read the kinds of blog where people are all, “And over here you can see the Battant Ornithorynque lamp we picked out while vacationing in the south of France. I think it provides the perfect accent to the small table below it, which I created one summer by arranging shards of Ming Dynasty china into an elaborate mosaic pattern of a single feather blowing along a field of poppies on a cloudless day.” There are invariably a billion pictures of a pristine and gorgeous space where not a single molecule is out of order, and I briefly wonder if they didn’t actually just scan in some catalog pages to go along with their story.
I love those sorts of blogs, by the way. It’s just really not anything you’ll ever get from me.
From me, the tale goes more like this: My kids are slobs and my head exploded and then we bought some cubbies and I spent an entire weekend digging out a couple of rooms. Somewhere in the middle I screeched “TAKE PICTURES! I WANT PROOF!” to my husband, and he obliged because you don’t argue with me when I’m sitting in the middle of a pile of Legos.
That’s pretty much the entire story (in handy abbreviated form), but if you want the extended dance remix, feel free to check out my first post in our Spring Cleaning Challenge series over at Five Full Plates. For four weeks we’ll be whipping our houses into shape; I am going to be spending a lot of time dropping off bags of crap at Goodwill, I can tell already.
I will also never be a design blogger, so I feel I’m in very good company. Though I do have a fabulous piece of Murano glass that I bought in Venice. I won’t tell you how much it cost. It will cause heart palpitations. I blame the half litre of wine I drank at lunch. (The wine, unlike the glass, was cheap.)
In some pretty place in my head I am one of those people, but in real life? HA!
I could never be a design blogger beacuse it took me 3 years to pick out a kitchen table. It took that long even though we had a gift certificate, so it was basically free. Also, I painted our last bedroom three different shades of green in a 2 week period and still hated the final color. Need more examples? It’s a sad state of affairs.
On my way to Goodwill at lunch hour today…see you there!
LMAO @ “Extended Dance Remix” LOVE IT!
Extended Dance Remix made me snarf my tasty morning beverage. At least it wasnt the hot variety. the beverage, not the remix…
I can’t figure out how real people live in those catalog worthy homes. Maybe someone else’s children & animals can walk through a room without it looking like a cyclone of papers and discarded clothing hit it, but not mine! Luckily I’m pretty happy with the lived in look. :)
ROTF…you crack me up. I’ll never be a design blogger either, there are many many of them out there anyway. The world needs more of “us”, no?
Happy Spring! (cleaning)
There is a reason why I read your blog and not And to make you feel better, some of us aren’t bloggers at all :), and we read you and loftily sigh because we will never, ever, have your writing ability.
Because you aren’t a “designer blogger” is why I love you so much. Headed to my “extended dance remix”!
Apartmenttherapy.com is my p*rn, despite the surprisingly bitchy comments section. (For example, it turns out a lot of people have really strong personal opinions about chalkboard paint.)
Happy cleaning!
Think of all the weight (in clutter) that you will lose in 4 weeks! Every one else seems to be de-cluttering, above and beyond the usual Spring cleaning requirements. I am starting to feel guilty.
I love this post. Soon I will be buried under a pile of whatamacallits and whosywhatsits next month as we clean out the house then tackle the storage locker. Our incredibly full storage locker.
If I can accopmlish that, then perhaps I can work on my own Mig Dynasty Vase mosaic. Ya Right.
Um, as someone who has been in your dining room, I can say, you’re a pretty dang good designer. I felt very fancy eating my pizza in there. Your house is way nicer (and cleaner) than mine ever is! :-P
I too will never be a design blogger, nor a housekeeping blogger because my kids are slobs too, and I can be at times.
I have so much trouble designing …but I can tackle spring cleaning like a champ. I’m a true minimalist and can never find enough things to donate.
OMIGOD I LOVE YOU!!! Thank you so much!! I want some of those pristine spaces too, and then REAL LIFE intervenes, and I nearly make myself sick yearning after design-blog-houses.
*N.B.: Here’s something interesting I learned recently: Did you know that “sick with longing” is not actually a metaphor? (You undoubtedly did, but *I* didn’t.) It’s literal. I’ve made myself sick to my actual physical stomach (complete with loss of appetite, which let me tell you AIN’T my particular complaint usually!) wishing for something I couldn’t have!
I like you so much (in a non-creepy, I just read your blog kind of way) (right? right!) that it is a huge relief to hear you fess up to Design Blog Pron. Thanks Mir!!!!!
Finally! We have been trying to find advice on lego for a little bit and found it, my son will be happy!
Oh, this is an absolutely beautiful blog site. I love both your style of writing and your sense of humor. Actually, I stumbled on it while I was looking for other design blogs to post on!
Luckily I had worked for an interior design magazine for about four years, so I managed to pick up a thing or two about what goes well with what. But there’s that part of me that’s still amazed by how detailed some designers get.
At least you know how to clear a room of clutter… that’s a talent not many people have.
Me neither.
Ha! I have cracked the problem of the Terminally Slobby Children! GUILT! Ooooooh, the guilt. See, my Children did something, something so truly horrible I Can’t Even Blog About It. No really, THAT horrible (although well meant, always, always, well meant. Damn them) and as a result of the guilt? 1 Clean Sunroom (which had previously been the chief offender and grand muckity muck (with a totally unironic emphasis on muck) of all slobby areas; 1 Clean Garage (runner up and winner of Miss Congenial Yet Inexplicably Filled with Piles of Clean Clothes) AND as a bonus, 1 totally clean and fresh car. Guilt, check it out – it might just cause a minor heart attack and three sleepless nights, but hey your garage will be SPOTLESS.