Just because I am not getting sick

By Mir
December 2, 2009

Just because Monkey has this nasty cold and I woke up this morning feeling logy and thick and sluggish does not mean that I am coming down with his cold.

Just because I never actually, you know, stop kissing him on the mouth until he’s leaking snot from every visible orifice doesn’t mean I’m prone to picking up his virus. I mean, I drink ORANGE JUICE. That stuff is like Kryptonite to cold viruses. For Otto, anyway.

Just because I have this weird cold sore thing that sprang up yesterday on the wayyyyyyy back left side of my tongue (in an impossible place to view, but likewise in an impossible place not to move/bump/feel any time I eat or talk) does not mean I am getting sick. Because I’m not.

And all the things that pissed me off yesterday don’t mean I’m getting sick, either.

Just because I carefully shopped for groceries over the weekend and then had to go back to the store yesterday for a forgotten ingredient and maybe cried a little bit about it does not mean I’m getting sick. Portabellos make me emotional, okay?

Just because we were having guests for dinner and yet I somehow managed to TURN THE OVEN OFF while the lasagna was supposed to be cooking doesn’t mean I wasn’t feeling well. I felt perfectly FINE. Our guests were delightful, and unfazed by the delay in our meal’s start. (Also: Convection functionality on the oven for the WIN, and also for cooking lasagna in half the time when you’ve somehow turned the oven off earlier and then say Many Bad Words upon realizing your error.)

Just because I made a special veggie risotto for me and Chickadee (no lasagna noodles for me, no lasagna meat for her)—which meant spending half an hour stirring instead of being hostess-y—and she didn’t like it and my feelings were hurt doesn’t mean I’m getting sick. It just means she’s rotten and ungrateful. Obvs.

Just because I was on our state’s tax commissioner website last night trying to renew our vehicle registrations and had to type everything in twice because I hit the wrong button the first time and THEN discovered that to pay it online I also had to pay a “convenience fee” and said MANY BAD WORDS at the computer before giving up and just writing the damn check, doesn’t mean I’m getting sick. It means I find that website stupid. And ugly. And its mother dresses it funny.

Just because I went back to bed this morning after everyone left doesn’t mean I’m ill, it just means I figured a little extra beauty rest was a good idea, especially on a rainy day.

Hmph. Now you whippersnappers get off of my lawn, before I chase you with a baseball bat. (Uh, except I don’t have a baseball bat, and let’s face it, I’m unlikely to venture out in the rain. So I guess you’re safe.)


  1. Leandra

    I’m not getting sick either. No sir. Not no way, not no how. Though I do have a very sore spot on my tongue in the exact place you describe and it feels like someone is stabbing me in the tongue?/throat? every time I swallow. Nope, definitely not getting sick. I’ll let you know if I start crying over portobellos, though.

  2. Amelia

    I’m sorry you’re getting sick. I mean, I’m sorry you’re NOT getting sick. Wait. Stop. I hope you feel better soon…not that you feel bad now. There. That’s better.

    OK. And about the bump on your tongue: I’ve gotten those twice in my life. Went to the doctor for the first one; he said it was viral and stress related (yeah, like a cold sore, I guess). He also said they could do something about it if it’s serious (like, keeping you from eating) and you go in to the doctor early enough. Mine was huge, but it was too late to cauterize it or whatever he was talking about doing.

    Get some rest, mmmkay? That’s an order. You know, an order from a random stranger. Because I’m sure you always follow THOSE orders, yes?

  3. JennyM

    I hope you feel better. I am so petrified of getting sick at this point (not noooowwwww!!!!!) that my poor assistant stuck her head in yesterday after a sneezing fit to tell me about a call and I actually recoiled in horror, before apologizing and telling her to for heaven’s sake go home and get some rest.

  4. Aimee

    I hope that the Little Cold That Isn’t There goes away. Soon.

  5. MomCat

    There, there, Mir.

  6. My Kids Mom

    I’m not getting sick either, and just because I went back to bed after everyone left too doesn’t mean I am. The sniffles are just because it is cold and RAINING again, not because I’m getting sick. Because I have houseguests arriving in a few hours and a busy weekend coming up and I really, really am not interested in being sick. I will be healthy with you.

  7. Tracy

    You always make me feel better even when I feel like crap. Just because I woke up with a pounding headache in my head and ears and I can’t seem to stopped sneezing, doesn’t mean I’m getting sick.

  8. Cathy

    You know what doesn’t make people who aren’t getting sick cry?

    Cookies. Lots and lots of cookies.

  9. MamaChristy

    You’re not sick. It’s ALLERGIES. It’s always allergies.

  10. Burgh Baby

    Nope. You’re not sick. Not even a little bit.

  11. Beachgal

    I’ve been ignoring the signs that me and the munchkin have been sick since the hubby went out of town. Passed mine off as allergies, and his sore throat is because he was snoring (I HEARD him!) Plus he has no fever so…..You aren’t sick either….just not possible.

  12. Lylah

    I was just sick! So I can’t be getting sick. Even though my husband is sick and my youngest boy is still a little sick. My massive headache is from stress. Or maybe I’m hungover, even though I haven’t had anything alcoholic in days. That’s it. I’m hungover from my part-ay life.

  13. Chuck

    Hope you feel better soon Mir. Try some Airborne! It really does seem to help me when I get a cold. I usually get the generic kind.

  14. Megan

    Ugh. I’ve been sitting in a hospital room for three days now probably WADING in super bugs but I haven’t thrown a symptom. Either I’m due for a serious flu smackdown in a week or I’m developing super powers. I’m opting for the second and I’m totally going for flight or invisibility next.

  15. Half Assed Kitchen

    Vitamin D. And Sambucol. I know I’m jinxing myself, but we’ve had a remarkably healthy fall. Could it be the supps? I don’t know, but I’m recommending them.

  16. tuney

    Nobody ever believes me when I say lysine and zinc supplements work magic for immune support, but they do. The cheap stuff, too, from the vitamin aisle, not the branded stuff with half the ingredient content. Bonus for the cheap, yes?

  17. Katie in MA

    Want me to sit with you and maybe pat your back for a little bit? My three-year-old was feeling the same way the past two days and that really seems to help.

    Maybe after your nap you can make a giant cup of tea and take a nice long, hot bath with a good book. That should help, too.

  18. meghann

    . . . you know I’m “not” getting sick too. :/

  19. Brigitte

    . . . so, once you’re over this, you should be strappingly healthy for the actual holiday? We hope!

  20. Nicki

    Okay…Matza Ball Soup. It’s the magical cure all. (The internal version of stipadene.) So, phone some nice Jewish grandmother who reads you and is dying to come to your aid. Trust me…you’ll feel better.

    And if you come up empty in that department, hunker down with tea, a good book, and a Licorice. (I hear they have magical medicinal qualities, too.)

  21. Nelson's Mama

    I’m sorry you don’t feel well, this dreary weather doesn’t help! Nelson sends his love…

  22. Randi

    Awww! I hope you feel better soon Mir!

  23. Groovecatmom

    Is it a canker sore? Those are stress-induced. In case you need more advice, try gargling with a peroxide/water mix twice a day, and taking a Vit. B complex supplement. And all those things you cite are clearly just circumstantial, and in no way convincing evidence that you are getting sick. Stay well!

  24. Noelle

    Ugh! I hate not getting sick. Every time my 3 year old gets a runny nose, he manages to kiss me smack on the lips and voila! I get it too.

  25. RuthWells

    I’ve been telling myself it’s allergies for a solid week now. Guess what? No, not allergies. (Many Bad Words.)

  26. Dawn

    Just reading this made me sneeze.

  27. Flea

    I hear that a little (lot) extra beauty rest goes a long way when one is not getting sick. :)

  28. trinity67

    Meet me at the park – I’ll save you a seat on the bench and we can both sit and yell at the whippersnappers.


  29. Tam

    Half Assed Kitchen – “Vitamin D. And Sambucol”

    I thought that said Vitamin D. and Sambucca! Sounds like my kind of medicine!

  30. Karen

    Ummm… I think you’re getting sick. BUT!!! Allergies have been making me miserable for weeks. Yeah, it’s probably THAT. Have you ever tried AlkaSeltzer cold? It really.. really!..works. The desolving tablets, not the capsules..and..I don’t know why.

    Feel better, Mir.

  31. Wilma Ham

    If you do that when you think you are NOT sick, I wonder what you can do when you have no thoughts of illness anywhere.
    Did this post write itself or is your dad a ghostwriter since he will know you so well?

  32. Paula Douglas

    I totally have a baseball bat and would USE it! I am a lurker who LOVES you!! be well and keep a baseball bat by the door.

  33. Kira

    I just heard that rant from Clay, about the extra fee for renewing our cars’ registrations online. He is still annoyed about it, and it’s been almost a week. And he NEVER gets sick. You are TOTALLY vindicated.
    Also, *pet, pet* you poor little bunny.

  34. Nimble

    “…trying to renew our vehicle registrations and had to type everything in twice because I hit the wrong button the first time and THEN discovered that to pay it online I also had to pay a “convenience fee”…”

    Our state veh. reg. works the same way. It makes me livid to pay for a process that gets them their money faster and more efficiently than if I went to the tax office. I pay it because my time is worth it. But they should be giving us an incentive not penalizing us!

  35. Debbi

    Wow, you sounded like I did yesterday. Just because my throat felt like I swallowed a knife, I couldn’t breathe cause I was so stuffy and just felt nasty, it did not mean I was sick! Sigh….yeah, felt like death this morning too, no wonder I am so grumpy :-(

    Feel better soon!!!

  36. Holly

    You’re not sick, but some brandy and milk can’t hurt (or Nyquil).
    Stay warm.

  37. SillyMe

    I’m sick

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