Hooray—it looks like Chickadee is going to live. We’ll be headed in for some more tests, next week, but she’s stopped with the narcolepsy (which, quite frankly, was freaking me out) and feels well enough to torment her brother and talk back to us. So I’m pretty sure that’s good news, all things considered.
Yesterday I found myself full up on cabin fever after most of a week trapped at home with a sick kid, and I kissed my family goodbye and fled the house.
I didn’t need to do anything. Well, that’s not true—I needed to shop for a new bed for Chickadee’s room (which is also the guest room), but mostly I just needed to get OUT. So before I went bed shopping, I went to Goodwill.
I always have such high hopes for Goodwill. I… am not very bright.
Look; where I used to live, I was around the corner from a Rich People Goodwill. I found TONS of awesome things there. I used to go every week, and I was never disappointed.
Now my local Goodwill is… different. A lot of the clothing there is from Walmart. (Uh, nothing against Walmart.) (Okay, that’s a total lie. I hate Walmart.) (But the POINT is that at Goodwill you should be able to buy stuff secondhand for less money than it cost new, right? Isn’t the Walmart stuff the same price but now pre-stained?)
Nevertheless, hope springs eternal, and off I go.
During my time there I realized that the Goodwill world is in need of my wisdom. Yes. (I told you I was going a little stir crazy….)
To the people who donate items to Goodwill:
1) If it’s covered in paint, dirt, or god-only-knows, it should be thrown away or used as a rag, not donated to the thrift store.
2) Ditto if it’s ripped in several places.
3) And if it’s lime green and/or has lewd pictures on it, it should just be burned.
To the people who put the items out on the racks Goodwill:
1) Look, I understand that it’s not a particularly high-paying job. But if something is obviously damaged beyond repair, maybe consider not putting it out.
2) Is there a method to, or perhaps it’s some sort of weird contest in, where the children’s jeans get hidden all over the store in the adult racks? Once you get up into 12+ I can see mistaking them for adult sizes, but jeans that are boys’ size 8 slim, on the women’s rack? Really??
3) For those rare items that are actually in good condition and from this decade, could you maybe not put the price tag plastic thingie where it’s going to leave an obvious hole in the garment?
To the people shopping at Goodwill:
1) The shopping carts are for your convenience. Not for filling up with toddlers and leaving in the middle of the aisle, unattended.
2) Those are dressing rooms, not bathrooms. Please bear that in mind before removing your pants.
3) Speaking of which, if the dressing room door is closed and locked, it’s not necessary to bang on it and curse.
4) If your child is screaming his or her head off, there is nothing in the store you are in such desperate need of that you must continue to shop while other patrons’ heads explode on either side of your caterwauling spawn. I promise. Just take the kid and go home.
5) If your child is running free and pulling things off the racks and shelves, chances are you’re only minutes from the screaming, on account of someone else is probably going to step on the kid (whether accidentally or on purpose, well, who knows).
I survived to tell the tale, but I only got one shirt. Which hardly seems worth the trauma.
And then I went bed shopping and my head exploded. Because it was so much fun the last time I did it, and this time I forgot to have ice cream.
P.S. My parents arrive in one week. The new bed will be here in two weeks. Um. Oops?